Empower a Caregiver to Rebuild After Loss

My name is Michelle, for those that do not know me. I don’t even know where to start and at the same time can’t believe I’m doing this. Those that are close to me know that I am stubborn and strong willed so this is a lot for me to put myself out there like this. I have always been told to keep things to myself, don’t share too much, figure things out on your own. I am learning that sometimes you just need help and it is ok to ask for help, which is scary for me. I have always been a giver, not necessarily materialistic, but more just making sure everybody else is ok and have what they need. As a mom, friend and even a special educator my mission has always been just that, make sure everyone else is ok. My thought process has been if they are ok then I will be ok. This is all I have known to do for so long and up until recently could not imagine anything else.

As I look back, when we found out my dad had cancer it changed me in so many ways, but it is not until now that I am realizing this. Every step of the way I was there supporting my mom as she supported my dad, never thinking twice. After a long 3 year fight we lost my dad in 2016. When my dad passed my mom was devastated, they were married 51 years and he was her best friend. I picked up where my dad left off and was there unconditionally as both my parents were there for my brother and I. My mom and I talked every day from the day my dad passed until 3 days before she passed. I couldn’t not imagine anything else more difficult, but then my mom became sick in October of 2022 I became her caregiver until she passed in January of 2023. Not a regret in the world, that time was so precious and I will hold that forever.

But…..Over the past 2 years I have realized that I have been pushing forward, but also pushed the grief aside and would not allow myself to really feel these huge losses. Even as I type this it does not seem real. I just keep telling myself it would be ok and just to put on my big girl pants and get on with it. Unfortunately, by doing this I was not able to see that I was giving too much in every aspect and now find myself in a financial bind and need help getting back on my feet. With help I have started to open up and am taking the steps to help myself start to heal in every capacity. I am learning that I cannot stay stuck and I have to work through the grief and all that it entails, even my mistakes through this process. Learning to give myself grace.

Thank you!