HI, My name is Brandalin (Brandy) there's no easy way to say it. I'm dying. I've been quietly fighting for a year & 1/2 now. I was diagnosed stage 3 cancer last year but couldn't handle the emotion & grieving process of knowing I would be leaving 3 children alone in this world with no other parent enough even to announce it to the world. In a very short time during treatment I was told not only nothing was working but, I had moved to stage 4 almost immediately. Unfortunately, my physicians have tried 3 different chemos, combinations and had to give up them because not only did they not work, my cancer grew & progressed rapidly while undergoing everything they tried. I originally started with one lung mass & a lymph node but during even with with 7 weeks of chemo and 35 radiation treatments to the chest masses I began having new symptoms (dizziness, migraines and blackoits) that proved to be the first 3 intial brain tumors. Yes, the cancer just flourished. Since that time I have had a total of 9 brain tumors develop, and the adrenal gland become consumed all while doing more & more chemo & radiation. It became a wildfire in which it seemed we were fighting with a household garden hose. Despite all of this the oncologist tried moving to immunotherapy basically trying to just stop the growth knowing we could not actually remove the cancer or the outcome. She told me it was time to focus on "quality of life" not quantity any longer. That therapy has since been out on hold or stopped due to my current symptoms and safety. I am having numerous complications and systemic issues that won't allow the risk of the IV chemicals needs to even slow it down or stop the growth because it in itself cam kill you, shut down the kidneys and etc. I am being referred to numerous doctors to try to restabalize but, wait weeks in between referrals and approvals. (cardiology, endo, neuro, eyes)The pain is intense, the medications change almost daily and I can't even tell you how many there are today. I have been hospitalized but, when you are "terminal" there is only so much they can do before releasing back to the state funded insurance regulation on spending. I simply have fought as hard as I can and I'm losing. Thhe rate of decline appears to speeding up and I've been advised by nurses, docs, friends & family to make memories now. Most days I can't but, I'd like to try. I cannot afford any of it. I've gone in debt paying thousands in medicals bills & even had some turn me into collections agencies prior to getting medicaid set up. The credit cards were maxed, my job is gone though I worked until couldn't even walk enough to perfom my duties. I gave up everything, there just isn't anything left. I am in a 836sq ft rental now and the rent just went up again despite my situation. I sold all my possessions down to plastic watches and even began using a food bank for help. I am doing everything I can to survive each day and would consider it a blessing just to make it 6 more months. I can't imagine the joy in having another year but, I pray and pray that I have enough time to pay my debts, travel by car to see a few friends and loved ones one more time and prepare my family. I don't have transportation reliable enough to leave my area and the cabin pressure from a plane would most likely erupt the brain tissue due to the swelling. I have temporarily donated my body to science because their are no funds for funerals svcs or memorial items. I received an urn from an Amazon order to protect my familly from worrying about these things as much as I can but, I don't know what else to do. There is no savings to pay debts, no way for me to travel to see people, visit my fathers grave, make memories or keep up with current bills. I even have a hospital trying to make me pay them rather than my insurance that I'm having to appeal now. I would love to be able to settle it all, focus on trying to manage my disease, the pain and make the most of the good days I get left without crying and stressing about things such as that. If I had the funds I could pay up the rent, take vacation, rent or purchase a vehicle, hotels, arrange an actual memorial svc., and let go in peace. My children cannot handle these affairs and my mothers is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers. It's important for me to protect them even in death. I love them all. I miss seeing the places that bring me peace. I never ask for help but, I know I'm running out of time & the doctors are right. This is hard, embarrassing and humbling. Dying is expensive. I need clothing that fits as my body continues changing and hurts more & more, anything that brings comfort and some laughs along the way. If I must go then I will consider it early graduation from this earth and be thankful to anyone who can help me on this journey home.