ESCAPING SURVIVAL MODE AND CHRONIC HOMELESSNESS

If we can ever escape this existence within survival mode, I know the four (now five) of us will absolutely thrive. We are eager to make it to the other side of the fence where we have the ability to give back to others, rather than always being in need help from others to attain our most basic needs. I have been trying to write this out for a few days, to just include essential bits of our story that will effectively communicate where we have been, where we are at now, and why we are in need of help. That said, this is still pretty long and I’d like to say thanks now to anyone who takes the time to read this and potentially help us out with a donation, or share our request for help...

I don’t know if this request for help will ever be seen by those who do not know my 3 daughters and I, but I will start with an introduction to us. I have 3 young adult daughters. My twins are 24, and my youngest is 21. Two of my daughters and I share an apartment. One daughter has her own apartment but lives just a few hundred feet away, in the same complex. This daughter has a 6 week old newborn. The four (now five) of us are very tight knit and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I think it’s our greatest blessing. As I introduce myself and daughters, I will briefly mention some of the challenges we have each faced because they play a big part into our story.

Health issues have greatly contributed to the chronic homelessness we have faced and been trying to overcome all this time. Also relevant to our story is the difficulty I had trying to address medical problems we’ve had that have existed this entire time and even continue now. When I earned so little that we qualified for Medicaid, taking time off work for medical appointments was hard because I could not afford to miss those hours of pay. When I have held jobs that enabled us to have health coverage through my employer and my wages were enough to disqualify us from assistance programs, I still had the problem of not being able to afford unpaid hours off work; plus, I could not afford deductibles and copays associated with seeking healthcare. These obstacles have limited our timely access to healthcare, and in many instances the delay in care complicated the severity of our problems. That always seems to wind up costing much more in the end. Additionally, I don’t know but I suspect that the trauma that initially led us into our homeless situation, and the further trauma endured when we have been without a home… I really think those things aggravated the physical health challenges we’ve faced. We have had long stays at 4 different shelters within the Phoenix area and there have always been some counsellors and mental health services at these locations, but it’s been really difficult to sufficiently address and recover from trauma while trying to survive an ongoing traumatic situation you’re stuck in (homelessness). I won’t bother getting into details other than to say that living out of a vehicle, sleeping in parks, leaving my children at the crisis nursery run by the state when there have been no other options, and even staying within emergency shelters (when we were lucky enough that all four of us were offered beds in the same shelter) is frightening and exhausting. Your guard never comes down. Its been 20 years of chronic homelessness and we are still struggling to permanently come out of this cycle and have the ability to slow down and rest somewhat. I think (or at least I hope) we will reach that point sooner rather than later, and that alone will improve our ability to manage ongoing health issues.

ME

Some will know me as Danielle but I have rarely heard that name over the last 20 years and it feels unfamiliar at this point. The story behind this name change is very relevant to our story, but there are so many tangential topics I could get into right now that if I did, this request for help would become something more like an autobiography composed of a few hundred pages. I have gone by the name Melissa since our chronic homelessness story began in 2003. I have worked an unhealthy amount of hours almost this entire time because it was necessary for survival and I hoped the extra effort would eventually get us ahead so that maybe I could reach a place where one 40 hour per week job would be sufficient for covering our most basic needs. The fact that I have always worked more than a 40 hour work week has complicated my ability to be a mom and give my girls the security and attention they have needed and deserved. I am still striving to achieve the goal of working just one 40 hour per week job and that covering our basics, so I have some time to mother them (even though they are young adults now). I am closer than ever though to this goal right now which is a huge positive! I have 2 degrees. My first was in health information management and the second degree I just completed in 2020 in cancer information management. I am currently a tumor registrar and I love this work. I am always learning new things about biology and cancer in this role, so it is never boring. Its also very fulfilling to know that the work I perform contributes in some way to the continual research in cancer prevention and treatment. I love this work so much that I hope to reach a place of financial stability so that I can return to school to pursue a masters (and then doctorate) in cancer epidemiology. I have been blessed to receive scholarships that have completely covered both of these degrees, and I believe that once I get to a stabile place financially and have the time, I will again find scholarships or resources that enable me to pursue these degrees. As a tumor registrar, I abstract data from the records of cancer patients that is submitted to state and federal registries to track prevalence and further research. Since I finished this last degree though, I have not yet sat for the credentialing exam (certified tumor registrar). It’s pricey, and most people I know that have sat for this exam have not passed on their first attempt. Not only do I need the funds to take this, but I need the ability to prepare for it. By “prepare”, I mean I would try to dedicate about 15 to 20 hours a week of studying, over the course of 2 to 3 months. I always need to perform additional work after completing my standard workday, because it is essential just to cover rent and other necessities. Over the past few years, my odd-job work has consisted mostly of DoorDash, donating plasma, and finding free furniture (or super cheap antiques) that I refinish and resell.

Circling back to my current job as a tumor registrar… because I am not yet certified, another CTR has to audit a very large chunk of my work. This is pretty time consuming for my employer, so I am not yet earning nearly as much as I would be if I had the certification. Once I have that, my income will significantly increase. And once I have held the credential for 1 to 2 years, it’s reasonable to expect my income to be double what it is now. At that time the income from my full time job in this position will be sufficient to cover the high rents that are currently the norm. Im hoping rents do not continue to climb and that they slide back a bit but even if that is too much to hope for, I see a path to where I should be able to consistently pay rent and other expenses without having to work 60-70 hours a week to make it happen.

Over last 20 years, personal health obstacles that have made it hard to provide for my family have mainly been 2 things: In 2010, my bladder ruptured. How and why that occurred is another one of those lengthy tangential topics I won’t get into right now. It took multiple surgical procedures to correct over the course of a year; the last of which was lengthy, complex, led to the need for blood transfusions, and was hard to recover from. That entire year was physically painful, filled with tons of medical appointments, multiple hospital admissions, and all of that greatly complicated my ability to support my family due to my inability to work as many hours as I had prior. The financial obstacles following that mess eventually led to another eviction due to my inability to keep up financially. And once again we were homeless.

The bladder rupture was my first health obstacle. The second is something I am dealing with now. It is not nearly so alarming, but I have been living with it the last few years and it distracts my mind and diminishes my productivity when I am trying to work. I have dextroscoliosis and it is complicated by degenerative arthritis and disc disease of the spine. There are days when the pain is severe enough that it distracts me from my regular job and I have to take sick days. This sounds a little ridiculous considering the fact that I work from home at a desk in my bedroom, and all I have to do is literally roll out of bed into my desk chair, clock in and do my thing. The pain typically does not stay this intense, but most days there is some degree of discomfort that has to be addressed for me to get anything done. There are treatments that alleviate this problem, and more that can be done. I lack the funds though. I know the quality and quantity of my work would improve if this discomfort were consistently controlled better.

Over the last few years I have been getting epidurals periodically that make a dramatic difference. Since I respond so quickly and well to the injections, my pain management doctor said I would be a great candidate for a spinal cord neurostimulator implant. I have obtained all of the pre-operative clearances and testing for this procedure. The only thing holding me back from scheduling this is the fact I do not have the $2000 (copay and deductible) I will be required to pay at the time this procedure is performed. If I can get this surgery, I have been told it will provide the same level of relief achieved from the epidurals but the effects won’t gradually fade away after a few weeks or months. If/when I can receive this stimulator implant, that will enable me to keep up with the side work I need to perform each month to cover my bills.

Once I take care of my back and find a way to come out from under emergency loans that have been so crushing, I will have an easier time managing our regular bills, and then finding a way to prepare and sit for the credentialling exam that will increase my income. Without help, I do not see a way to earn enough to have this surgery or find the time to stop working as hard evenings and weekends, so I can prepare for this exam. Getting this surgery and passing thins exam are the best things I can do to create a more sustainable, sufficient income. I think that once I achieve this, we might finally break out of the homelessness cycle we’ve been repeating for so long.

SHELBY

First I will introduce my 2 daughters that live with me. My youngest is Shelby and she is 21. She’s a sweetheart of a girl and does so much to help take care of our home and help contribute towards helping to cover our bills. She has done this since the time she could legally obtain a job when she was 16. Last year she cut back on work to attend cosmetology school full time. She only has a few months left till she graduates, so I don’t want her to change what she’s doing right now in efforts to help save us from eviction in September. More often than not, especially over the last 2 years, we have been stressing over pulling rent together by the 3rd of the month, because on the 4th of the month we are hit with hundreds in late fees. It will be best for Shelby and our family if she stays focused on her attendance and finishing this up so she has more employment opportunities and ability to make better pay.

BECCA

Rebecca is the oldest of my twins. She has been saying since kindergarten she was going to be a vet one day. Later in elementary school “veterinarian” changed to “equine surgeon”. She has always been obsessed with horses. She always loved science and performed really well in biology and chemistry based courses. I took her to tour a university with a veterinary program towards the end of high school, and she became so excited and committed to pursuing her goals. She had a plan and timeline laid out to get there. It started with enrolling in community college to complete what coursework could be finished there and then move on to a university after that. She was doing so well and was a 4.0 GPA student.

Things suddenly, radically changed though in the spring of 2019. Seemingly out of nowhere, she experienced a stroke. A few days later she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. This diagnosis explained some odd symptoms she experienced while growing up, so we know this started developing years prior to the diagnosis. After a few months she made many recoveries from the stroke, but some of the damage is now permanent and impacts her life. Her newly acquired struggles are invisible to others, which has positives and negatives associated with it. We are grateful that the stroke and ms have not impacted her in such a way that a disability is one of the first things people see when they look at her (for example, face drooping, walking assistance device, etc.). These struggles left from the stroke complicate and alter the most ordinary of tasks though; people unaware of these hardships often misjudge and underestimate how and the extent to which these things complicate her life. An example of this is the loss of the sensation of touch in her dominant hand and arm. We were told that might come back as she recovered, but it is one of the things that never improved. It has taken time and consistent effort to relearn how to do things with that sense gone. Holding a pen, picking up items, using enough or not enough pressure when holding things, moving items with that hand and arm… stuff like this has t mindfully be thought out while trying to perform tasks that most people just do without much thought. This newly acquired hardship and others have made a dramatic difference in her ability to perform at work and school.

Even though she has Medicaid coverage in addition to health insurance through my employer, Medicaid frequently (most often) denies needed medical testing and her maintenance medications. I have not been able to pay deductibles and copays when Medicaid refuses to pick up what primary insurance does not cover. Lack of access to needed healthcare because we cannot afford our portion of the bill has already led to progression and MS flares that could have possibly/probably been avoided. It is maddening to watch her health decline while knowing it’s preventable, and money is the one and only barrier to her receiving appropriate management of this medical condition. If this barrier to care was not standing in the way, she would be healthier and more capable of holding a job and attending school. She works just a few hours a week on a farm, but she has not been able to hold a regular job this year due to health issues getting in the way. We are hopeful this will change but it’s where she is stuck at for the moment. I know of things I can do, organizations/programs I can reach out to, to get additional help for Becca that will help her progress on from this place. I feel bad that I have not had the time to dig into and pursue these options. I know there is help out there and things can be better than this. This is one example of things I can do to improve conditions for my family, but I have more on my plate than I can effectively manage, so it hasn’t happened yet.

SAVANNAH

Savannah is the youngest of my twins. She has a daughter that is 6 weeks old, and I think the entrance of this sweet girl into our family has brought some renewed hope into our lives that we have all struggled to cling to. The four of us were tight before, but I think the unplanned arrival of this angel has brought us even closer. It’s such a perfect arrangement having Savannah and the baby living right here by us. It’s wonderful that Savannah has established a home just for her and the baby, and its wonderful that one of us is always just a phone call and two minute walk away if they could use our help.

Savannah’s medical issues also play a big part of our story. The twins were preemie and came home from the nicu at just 3 pounds. There prematurity came with an expected assortment of health issues that are common to preemies. From birth, Savannah always had something going on from failure-to-thrive, to GI issues, and later to the onset of seizures. These seizures were disruptive to her life to the degree that the last year of school she successfully completed by in-person attendance was 3rd grade.

When she was about 8, an outpatient neurologist diagnosed her with epilepsy. She was then admitted into a neurological hospital for a week to run additional tests to learn more about her condition and how to best manage it. At the end of that stay, her inpatient neurologist removed the epilepsy diagnosis and completely stopped the medications the outpatient neurologist had started her on. She received an assortment of diagnoses after that. These diagnoses were not only wrong but made her life (and mine and her sisters lives) far more difficult. Not long after that, she was admitted into a local children’s hospital for the better part of 10 months. She had admissions that lasted weeks or months at a time, then she would be discharged home but wind up readmitted within a matter of days. She even had home health nurses and techs that came a few times a week for two solid years after the 10 months at the children’s hospital. She lived with unmanaged medical symptoms throughout her teen years because no one had correctly diagnosed her. It reached the point where both her description of symptoms and mine were completely dismissed. It wasn’t until Savannah experienced a seizure within a public place (that was witnessed by EMT’s and many others) that her complaints were finally taken seriously again. That is when a congenital heart anomaly was found, which explained the “seizure like activity” and other problems she endured growing up. Finally receiving a diagnosis to explain everything instantly made life a little easier. It did not erase the stress placed upon our family though during all those years and the fact this stress contributed to job loss (due to my poor attendance) and then evictions when I lacked the ability to pay rent.

Savannah graduated with a nursing degree the end of 2019 and became a licensed RN right before covid hit. Her first job as an inpatient RN was in a covid unit. She was a 21 year old fresh out of school and witnessing many patients quickly tanking and dying each shift. I truly cannot fathom the trauma and anxiety of working that so many endured through that time, where they worked in a role where death was a part of every shift worked. She eventually had a rough case of covid herself, was hospitalized and received convalescent plasma when that therapy was just starting to be used and was in very short supply. This turned things around and she began to recover. As soon as she was capable she went back to working within covid units and travel nursing.

She has worked really hard since she was 16 and has accomplished so much. She has the biggest heart, has done much to keep our family afloat and often willing to step in and help others also struggling. Now she is also an amazing mother that is completely infatuated with her baby girl. She worked really, really, REALLY hard while pregnant to save as much as she could so she could stay home as long as possible after the baby’s arrival. She would have been able to take 4-6 months off work to stay home with her baby full time, but she has helped us and others to the extent that she had to return to work again last week, and the baby is just 6 weeks old now. I hate that hard work and earnings that would have given her several more months to stay home with her baby, were used to help her sisters and I get by. This is another reason why I am hoping I can receive help at this time, so Savannah does not try to carry the burden of supporting her sisters and I (because I have and continue to lack that ability.

BACKSTORY OF HOMELESSNESS

Since my girls and I went through our first eviction in 2005, laws have always been such that the eviction process here plays out crazy fast. The late fees and penalties that are allowed to be assessed to renters are so steep they are near impossible to recover from. In less than 4 weeks, the entire process is settled. Renters do not get more than a month late on rent because they will have been kicked off the property before the next month even rolls around. If rent is not paid by 5pm on the 3rd of the month, on the 4th the landlord is allowed to tack on a hefty late charge. This charge typically has fallen somewhere between $350 and $500 when it has happened to me. I have been unable to pay rent on the 3rd of the month because I am only $100 short (for example). Rent is only accepted when paid in full. So, on the fourth of the month a note is placed on my door stating I have 5 days to pay rent and late fees in full otherwise eviction will proceed. Now I have to pay my rent plus another $350 - $500, plus the additional late fees that accumulate every single day until the full amount is paid. If I cannot pay rent plus all those fees within 5 days, the landlord sends the case to their attorney to start the eviction process. As soon as the file hits the attorney’s desk, another $3000 (average I have been assessed each time I've been evicted) is added to the running total I must pay to stop the eviction process. That charge is for the attorney and court fees. The court date is typically set for about the 20th of the month. I appear in front of the judge each time to explain that I have fallen behind due to a valid emergency (even though the reason never matters), but the judges always state that they are sorry I am experiencing hardships but by law I have admitted to not paying the rent and they are then obligated to grant the eviction. I am then given 5 days to vacate. Each time this has happened to us, the date I have been ordered to leave has always fallen between the 24th and 27th of the month.

I don’t think it’s standard for evictions to play out so fast in many other areas of the country, because occasionally when I have brought up the embarrassing fact that I am losing count now of how many times I have been evicted, people have been quick to assume that must mean that over the years and all these different properties, I must have gotten away with living within these apartments and not paying rent for years when you total up all of these evictions together. That assumption is nothing close to reality. Not only have we been kicked out of these rentals all these times, but each time it happens, when the eviction is ordered I have to leave AND there is a court order for me to pay the complex somewhere between $5K and $7K for defaulting on the lease. Then I have the expense and burden of finding a new place to live and paying these large amounts on top of it all.

I have considered trying to find somewhere cheaper in the country to live, but I'm always stuck living in survival mode where I am hoping I can keep our power on, or get rent paid on time, that I can never afford to make a move even if I found a more affordable place to live. These conditions have felt harsh but there's nothing to do give up or fight to overcome them; unfortunately, they have been insurmountable so far.

I explained what eviction in Maricopa county Arizona looks like to help illustrate how and why I have wound up with so many evictions. It has been a struggle to stay on top of things the smallest unplanned expense has the ability to throw finances off just enough that we could be homeless again within a matter of a month. There was a month last year when I could not pay rent and the eviction process played out (yet again). I could not get on top of it and the judge ordered our eviction. After that was done, the landlord told me that if I could pay the full court ordered amount (it was just under $7K) before the date we were ordered to be out, they would reinstate our lease. Savannah wound up paying that amount so we were allowed to stay. The last eviction that occurred late last year still stays on our rental history though even though the landlords provided a way for us to stay. I am very glad we were able to keep our home, but I feel terrible that Savannah spent so much of her own money so we would not be forced out again. If she had not done this, it would have allowed her to be home with her baby for several more months. I know she will feel as though she needs to do what she can to help her sisters and I, and she shouldn’t have to carry that burden. It’s not hers to bear, and if I cannot change things it will impact the quality of life of my grandgirl as she is robbed of more time with her mama.

I was laid off during covid and experienced more financial hardship. The eviction moratorium that was in place early on in the pandemic saved us from eviction when we were unable to pay rent for a couple of months. Even though I caught up on this late rent, landlords had no obligation to renew anyone’s leases once they expired. My landlord told me they were not renewing the leases of tenants who had fallen behind on rent (even if they got it caught up) because they worried about the financial stability of these tenants. This led to the unanticipated loss of that home. We had to scramble to find another place willing to rent to us and come up with the additional funds to make the move. This occurred at a time when the demand for apartments in our area was greater than the supply. This allowed our former landlords to make more by bringing in new tenants at higher rates; this also made it that much more difficult for us to find a new rental. We were grateful to find a place (we were willing to take anything we could get) and without Savannah’s financial help through that transition we would have found ourselves without a home again and trying to jump through the hoops that people have to get through to score beds at emergency shelters. Rent at the apartment we found was steep but it was the average going for our area, and we were literally faced with a take-it-or-leave-it situation. We had to jump quick on the opportunity to accept. We did not have the privilege of shopping around. If we did not quickly sign the lease, there were plenty of others in line waiting for the same opportunity. That is how we arrived at the apartments where we live now.

We do not live in a luxury apartment, but most anyone would think we did when hearing how much our rent runs. The market has driven our current rent up to $2400 a month. In 2020 our rent was just under $1000 a month. Early 2021 was when our landlord chose not to renew our lease, and we felt lucky to find an apartment willing to rent to us for $1750 a month. When that lease was up for renewal last year, rent was raised to $2400. Moving is not cheap and we haven’t had the money to do it even if we found a cheaper option. We did not have money to move last year but I still looked around to see if I could find something more affordable. There was nothing though. After taxes and health insurance deductions, my bring home pay from my full time job is $2800 per month. After rent is paid I am left with only $400. In addition to my full time job, I aim to earn an extra $2700 per month to support my household. I wont even cover the cost of living in every other area imaginable other than to say that to afford (modest) housing, electricity, (modest) transportation, food, healthcare, internet access, and phone service I will not be able to meet these needs if I do not find an additional $2700 each month. I have been doing most of this by working DoorDash in the evenings and weekends, donating plasma, and finding free furniture that I refinish and attempt to sell for a profit. My girls also contribute what they can to reach the $2700 total. I feel like I have been working at an unrealistic pace for the better part of the last 20 years. My back pain has been growing increasingly difficult to tolerate and this has slowed me down. It has prevented me from achieving my target goal of $2700 extra income monthly just to cover our basics. That has led to me taking out title/payday loans that I am drowning in now and why it will not be possible for me to pay my September rent on time or catch up once the late fees start accruing. It’s why I am asking for help and why I am also hoping the help will be enough to allow me to also schedule the surgical procedure for the neurostimulator implant. Getting this should provide me with ongoing, long term symptom relief, which will increase my ability to make ends meet and continuing my pursuit to establish greater stability for us.

I won’t detail the events that led to each and every eviction. The common thread among them all though is that a relatively minor but unexpected event occurred, and I was unable to recover and get back on track because eviction happens so fast. I will share the story of the first eviction though because it tells the story of what I overcame to get a place for us and how quickly all of that progress was swept away. I think it also helps to explain why we need additional help (in addition to our work and frugality) to finally break this cycle.

We first experienced homelessness in 2003, before my daughters had even started kindergarten. When we needed shelter, I was stunned when I sought out those services and learned how tough it can be to find beds and that there are not nearly enough to meet the needs of the homeless population. For some reason I thought I would be able to call (or arrive at) one and immediately be offered beds for the 4 of us, food, and other resources. It works nothing like that, and initially we spent some time living in our minivan. I never asked for this, but occasionally someone I asked for money or food offered to get us a hotel room for a night or two in addition to some food. That allowed us to rest easy and bathe. Eventually we did obtain beds at a shelter that had room for all 4 of us. It’s a lot harder for a family (especially one with 4 or more people) to find beds at the same location. This shelter had both emergency and transitional beds, and the stability they offered us allowed me to work steadily to rent our own place. We stayed at that shelter for about 10 months. No one could stay longer than 12 months, so I knew there was no time to doddle. I had to work and save as much as possible to get us out of there fast. Also, I was told by counsellors at this shelter to get out as fast as possible because that environment really takes its toll on the mental health of children. Everyone there had a history of some sort of extreme trauma and living life out of survival mode. Living with 80 something people existing in that mode, who have to try to set their traumas on the back burner so they could focus on not winding back up sleeping on the streets… living in that sort of environment is not easy (to say the least).

I started looking at apartments after we had been at this shelter for 9 months. I knew the clock was ticking and something had to happen. I was looking for a two bedroom apartments on the city bus line, but I could not find one cheap enough to fit into my budget. For this reason, I moved the 4 of us into a 1 bedroom apartment. We were doing well there. We were living paycheck to paycheck but that was great progress compared to living out of a van (sidenote - after getting into the shelter, I was ticketed for expired registration, cops had it towed away, and I did not have the ability to get it back). My twins started kindergarten about the same time we moved into this apartment. My biggest obstacle when we were living there was anytime one of my daughters was sick, daycare would not let me leave them for the day. I had no one to watch them, and this would result in missed work. Despite this occasional obstacle, I was finding a way to deal. Things changed though when I got sick. I tried to ride it out with over the counter meds and carry on with our normal routine because I couldn’t afford to miss work. A nasty kidney infection developed though, which led to me being hospitalized for 10 days for treatment.

After being discharged from the hospital I was worried sick about how I was going pay rent and other bills after all of the missed work. I wound up finding a program (run by the city we were in at that time) that offered emergency assistance to residents experiencing unforeseen hardships like mine. I was really lucky to be given the opportunity to meet with a case manager fast enough that there was time for them to review my case and provide assistance before any eviction process could start. I was quickly approved for help covering one month of both rent and electric. The case manager called my apartment management office to let them know they would be covering the rent for me, and they just needed to collect a little paperwork from the apartment complex (mainly just a copy of my lease) to make it happen. The anxiety began to subside and I felt as though I would be able to get back on track financially since I was lucky and blessed enough to be receiving this aid. I truly thought it was an answer to my prayers because these programs have limited funds and the need was (is) so high that a lottery system was used just to be offered an appointment with a case manager to discuss eligibility. I was one of the fortunate few to be picked to have my case simply reviewed, quickly approved, and that’s why it felt like there was some miraculous element to the whole thing.

A few days later, I received a call from the case manager. She was calling to inform me that the aid was being withdrawn because after the apartment manager faxed the lease to them, they recognized that I had lied on my lease and this disqualified me from any assistance. Because I could not afford to rent a two bedroom and there was such a hurry to get out of the shelter before our time there expired, I began looking for an affordable one bedroom apartment. Arizona law does not allow a one bedroom unit to be rented to more than 3 people and there were four of us. I really did not think much about it when I left my youngest daughter off of the lease so we could qualify for the apartment. Even now, leaving one kid off the lease application seems like the lesser of two evils. I would do the same thing again if I had to in order to shelter my kids. When I applied for aid with the city, I reported to them that I had three daughters. When the city received a copy of my lease though they noticed that I failed to list my youngest daughter. I was told that they could not assist me because I had falsified information on a legal document. My heart sunk and my head began spinning over how I was going to find a way to pay rent. This bad situation turned worse two days later. I received a call from the apartment manager telling me the city called them to let them know they would not be assisting with the payment of our rent because they discovered that I had lied on the lease. So the manager was calling to inform me that I was being evicted for this lie and for housing 4 people in a unit where the law only allowed 3. This whole mess seemed surreal. I could not have worked harder to acquire and maintain that apartment. Surely it wasn’t going to all fall apart now. I kept praying and waiting for a miracle that would keep us housed so that I could return to work and resume our busy life. I was kind of stunned and in denial. There was nothing I could do (other than keep praying for a miracle) and so I made no effort to vacate this home. A couple of weeks passed and I came home one day to find that my locks had been changed and all of our possessions were locked inside. I didn’t have time to break down and I began scrambling just to find somewhere for my daughters and I to stay that night. I got us to a hotel and checked in. The next morning I had to find a way to get the girls to daycare and get myself to work. It was too much and I called out of work that day to try to figure life out. I wound up calling out of work two days in a row because I couldn’t pull myself together enough to get the girls taken care of and get myself into work. The days I called out of work were a Thursday and Friday, so then I also had the weekend to try to get some control over things and get back to work. I managed to get to work on Monday, but as soon as I clocked in my manager took me into his office and fired me. The company had a strict policy stating that if any employee accumulated 4 unexcused (not pre-planned) absences within a year, it was automatic termination. I was at this job a little over a year when this happened and I had been doing well there. My manager told me I was a great employee and that he believed the absences I had accumulated were for legit illness, but I had hit the limit on this attendance policy and he had no choice but to terminate me.

Each eviction we’ve been through has had a series of events that have snowballed fast like this. There are always other large setbacks that occur just following the eviction such as the loss of employment and/or the accompanying loss of most all personal possessions (furniture, appliances, towels, bedding, dishes, cookware, etc.). Multiple times we have started over from scratch when we’ve moved into a new apartment and had to reaccumulate all of those standard, needed items found in any home, that were left behind during the previous eviction.

I have met so many other families like mine (here within Maricopa County where eviction laws are so strict and unforgiving) who have been stuck in this cycle also. If hard work and discipline were all that was needed for anyone to successfully climb out of poverty and chronic homelessness, there would be a lot less of us stuck in this pattern. I am worried that if I do not reach out for help now, not only will my daughters continue to be vulnerable to the dangers that accompany chronic homelessness, but that my granddaughter may be impacted by this also if something does not change. I don’t suspect that my grand girl will go through anything so intense as what my daughters have experienced; I do worry though about her missing out on time that could be spent with her mom (Savannah), because her mom is trying to pick up extra work for the purpose of continuing to help myself and her sisters. I do not want to lose our home and even consider moving in on top of Savannah and Attalie, even though I know Savannah would feel some obligation to offer. I do not want to burden Savannah with us crowding her home, and I would not want her living with the fear of being evicted like we were the first time it happened, because more people were found living in the apartment than what were on the lease. I also do not want Savannah living with the guilt and burden I know she would experience knowing that she and Attalie have a home but her sisters and I do not. We are closer than we have ever been to having the ability to consistently pay rent and bills, and steadily edge away from paycheck-to-paycheck survival. I am cringing at the thought of posting this request and asking for so much, but if we could get this help right now it would make a world of difference and save us from losing everything again. It would also remove much of the burden that Savannah will feel, which will interfere with her time with her newborn. If we are able to find help that will aid us in catching up on rent and bills, and to cover my out-of-pocket costs related to receiving the spinal cord neurostimulator implant, I feel confident that I will soon have the ability again to work as much as needed to keep us afloat until I pass my credentialing exam. Once I reach this goal, within a year (two at most) I will have the ability to afford our basic expenses even if rent rates continue to be as astronomical as they have become in recent years.

OUR NEEDS

I need $3300 immediately to pay the balance owed to the title loan company to get the car back that they just took possession of this week, because I have been unable to keep up with my payments to them. This was one of the loans that I took out to keep us in our home. I only have the weekend to get the $3300 together to get the car back, otherwise they are sending it to auction. The most sickening part about this issue is the fact that this is a car that Savannah purchased and paid off before she was 18. Because she was a minor at the time of purchase, my name had to go on the loan and both of our names are on the title to the car. She made every payment on that car and it is hers. The only reason my name is connected to it at all is because she was not 18 yet when it was purchased. She bought a new car two years ago, and when she did she let me use this car she had paid off because I did not have one. I don’t need to commute to a regular job so I got by without having a car for a while. I have used this car for the last two years but it is hers, not mine. She paid for it 100%.

Due to our financial struggles I lost the paid-off minivan when it was impounded for expired registration and I could not pay impound fees. Besides that I have had three cars repossessed after trying to pay on each of them for a few years, but hitting a rough patch, missing payments, and they were repossessed. It sucked losing those vehicles, but it absolutely sickens me that my failures have led to the loss of Savannah’s paid-off car being taken by the title loan company to satisfy my debt to them. The rent I have due in a few days is very important, but honestly I am prioritizing getting Savannah’s car back before trying to pay rent. Hopefully I can do that much. It kills me that my daughters have grown up with so many needs left unmet and by the time the twins were about 7 years old, my girls were living with a handful of traumas and with the ongoing fear of suddenly being homeless. I can’t explain how terrible it feels that this has now happened also and she is suffering the consequences for my inability to keep up.

RENT

Since I am making this request, I want outline exactly what it will take to get us to a healthy place where I will have a decent shot at holding things together and making real progress rather than just delaying eviction and job loss by a month or two. I am praying for the help we need to put an end to the ongoing two decades of setbacks, that will allow us to catch our breath and maybe start to heal. We are worn out. :(

After tax and health insurance deductions, I receive $2800 a month. Our rent is $2400. I aim to earn an additional $2700 each month in order to safely cover all bills. There are no frills in that budget; we do not have any expenses (or sloppy spending habits) that we can shave out of our lives. Insurance, groceries, electricity, water, sewer, trash, everything… all of it has increased and this extra $2700 a month we need is only covering basic needs such as those. I have been picking up odd jobs (in addition to full time employment) for 20 years. The majority of the extra $2700 a month that we need has come from contributions my daughters make, working DoorDash nights and weekends, donating plasma, housekeeping, and furniture refinishing. I find free furniture (or super inexpensive antiques) and repair/restore them and sell for a profit. Since we are always trying to play catch-up though, many times I price these pieces super low because I need them to sell immediately (usually because I am on the verge of having electricity, phone, or internet disconnected for non-payment or I am scrambling to pull rent together). If I could get out of the mode where I am always trying to get something paid before service is disconnected, I could sell the furniture pieces for significantly more and I am certain I could focus on just the furniture refinishing to bring in the extra $2700 we need each month. Again, I have not been able to earn as much (performing the odd jobs) over the last year due to my back issues slowing me down. And as we have come up short each month, either Savannah has helped us pay bills or I have obtained loans with predatory interest rates that have become overwhelming. I am fully aware of how bad these loans are and that they should be completely avoided. When I have obtained them though, the choice has always been the lesser of two evils. As hard as it is to climb out from under the weight of those types of loans, that climb is still far easier (and safer) to take on, than succumbing to homelessness and trying to climb out of that trap.

ELECTRICITY AND WIFI

In addition to needing the rent due September 1st ($2400), I am $400 behind on the payment of my internet service and that could be cut off at any time. It runs about $200 per month because I have to maintain a higher priced service plan to meet the wifi requirements of my employer. If that happens, I cannot work. We also need $370 to keep our electricity on. If that is cut off that will also interfere with my ability to work. The only reason it is still on right now is because there has been a heat advisory warning in effect for the last month, and there is some law that prevents the power companies from disconnecting service for non-payment when one of these warnings is in effect. This time of year I am always eager for summer to wrap up and fall to roll around, but this year I am hoping the temps peak well above 100 degrees each day so the heat advisory warning stays in effect and our power stays on till I can get rent paid and then worry about the electric bill.

CAR INSURANCE AND REGISTRATION

I have been unable to keep up with car insurance and the policy was cancelled for non-payment a few months ago. I received a notice in the mail that the state had suspended the vehicle registration because they received notice from the insurance company that the policy had been cancelled for non-payment. I need about $600 to obtain a new car insurance policy (down payment for new policy) and to cover a penalty fee assessed for the suspension. I make a point of not driving any more than what feels absolutely necessary until this issue is resolved because the anxiety of always worrying about being pulled over for suspended tags is terrible. Over the last 20 years, I have been pulled over twice for this reason. Once the fine was $500 (in addition to having to find a way to pay the registration renewal fee of about $300 plus a few hundred to put down on a new insurance policy), and the second time I was fined the $500 plus the police took the tags off the vehicle and had it impounded. I wasn’t able to come up with the money needed to get it out of impound, so I just lost that vehicle plus I had to pay the $500 fine. Driving at all right now is a gamble, but so is being too scared to use the vehicle for the purpose of earning the additional $2700 each month I need is too. I always make atleast $20 an hour when I do DoorDash deliveries, and the earnings from those deliveries are instantly deposited into my account when I finish deliveries for the day. This has been the most reliable way for me to earn money quickly beyond my full time job. When we are always facing some utility being disconnected or our rent being late, I am always needing to earn money quickly. I can choose not to drive on the suspended tags so I do not have to face whatever consequences may come if I am caught, and hope I am able to make enough selling furniture projects to pay rent on time; but, I risk not paying rent on time and being evicted before I have the chance to catch up. Or, I can choose to take the risk driving, knowing if I spend 30 hours each week (evenings and on weekends) making food deliveries, I will earn enough to cover rent and my bills. It’s a decision between this bad thing or that bad thing. No matter which choice I make, eventually I wind up dealing with the negative consequences of one of the bad choices I had to choose between. It feels like regularly being penalized and falling into deeper debt for being too broke to abide by all laws, and meet the needs of my family at the same time.

BECCA’S BRACES

Rebecca should have been able to have her braces removed last year but I was unable to finish paying for them. For that reason she has not been seen by the orthodontist for almost a year, until just two weeks ago. They have been causing some pain and problems so I had to take her in and ask that they help her even though I still owe them just over $1000. They charged $100 for this visit and adjusted them, then presented a new/revised treatment plan for finishing what was started. She needs to be seen monthly and it will take another 6-10 monthly visits to wrap things up. I was told that if I could pay $100 per visit till they are ready to be removed, they would resume her care. I need to find a way to make this happen, but as of now I don’t even have the means to pay other regular monthly bills so I am not sure how I will meet this need.

SURGURY

The only reason I have not yet received a spinal cord stimulator implant for to help manage my back pain is because I am responsible for the $2000 of the charges and I have not had that to spare. Once I can afford this I will be capable of doing and working much more once this implant is in place. Before the implant is placed a trial is performed where leads are placed in epidural spaces of the spine and the pulse generator is taped to the back. It is worn for a week to make sure it provides sufficient pain control. If it does, then surgery is planned where the leads are placed under the skin and the pulse generator is implanted. I can return to work (my work from home job) the next day. It will be 6 to 8 weeks though before I can start working on my furniture refinishing projects again or working DoorDash evenings and weekends. I am so eager to get this done because life is so much better for about a month just after I’ve had an epidural. The relief that I get from the epidurals does not last as long as it once did, but I am told that the neurostimulator should provide significant pain relief also but it won’t fade away like the epidurals do after a few weeks. This pain relief should allow to work more productively since the pain will no longer be so distracting that it pulls my focus away when I’m working, or physically limiting how much I can do and move around easier. This ongoing problem is what has gotten us further and further behind on bills, and struggling to get out from under these title and payday loans. I am eager to have this procedure performed because I know it would make me more capable of working as much as I need to to cover all our expenses.

RECOVERY, PREPARATION FOR EXAM, AND EXAM FEES

If I could find the help that would allow me to get the neurostimulator implant, there will be a few months following that procedure where I am supposed to limit physical activity. If during that time I had the extra $2700 a month that I (and my daughters) need to earn, then I could use my evenings and weekends while recovering, to prepare to take the credentialing exam. My income will increase when I pass it, and within a year or two after becoming certified, I will have the ability to make twice as much as I do currently. This is my best bet, above anything else, for achieving stability.

ADDITIONAL EMERGENCY LOANS

In addition to the $3300 title loan, I have an additional $2300 total between 3 payday loans. I will prioritize getting Savannah’s car back this weekend, then the next thing we will focus on paying is our rent, electric and wifi bills. After that I think we will try to set aside the money to cover my surgical procedure and resuming the orthodontic treatment plan to get Becca’s braces removed. If we have the ability to cover those things and there are additional funds, we will use those to pay off the additional $2300 of these steep interest loans.

CONCLUSION

I’ve met many who believe anyone in this country can work smart, hard, and achieve great things. If it took just this alone, I would have reached a place of stability for myself and family long ago. So would have MANY others who are trapped in this cycle of chronic homelessness. There are people who have experienced homelessness, extreme poverty, debilitating hardships, or came to this country with nothing, that have managed to achieve stability and even greater things well beyond just that. Those individuals are the exception and blessed with something more, that is not available to everyone. They either have amazing health or easy access health care to meet their needs along the way, or luck avoiding additional pitfalls homeless populations are susceptible to, and a support system that helped them climb out of and away from that place. Coming out of the homeless cycle takes more than any one person (or family) has to give. I could not have worked harder these last two decades, and still, this is where we are. Our story is embarrassing to share. A few times when I have shared pieces of it, I have been accused of lying or mentally ill and incompetent at living life… something! That has led to keeping it to myself as much as possible and continually trying to work harder to bust out of this on my own. I am finally accepting the fact that I cannot, and if there is any hope in coming out of this I will have to share more of what we have experienced and ask for help.

Honestly, I don’t think there is anyone that we have shared even a quarter of the obstacles we’ve faced. I don’t think I should delve into covering all of the major events that have contributed to our problems, but the vulnerability that comes with being homeless is a huge tangent I could expound on. Just one example and glimpse into that world is the trauma I’ve been through the multiple times I have been mugged while homeless. The first time, it happened in broad daylight at a bus stop. Witnesses driving by were the ones who called 911. I physically fought the female attacker who was about my same size and trying to grab and run with my things. I knocked her down, sat on top of her, then suddenly I was punched in the face and knocked backwards. Three of her associates had knocked me off of her, then drug her off and went running. When police arrived and learned I was living in a shelter, everything about the interaction changed. The perpetrators were long gone by the time police arrived and suddenly the cops were treating me suspiciously. I was asked what I had on my person that was worth so much it triggered the attempted mugging AND I chose to physically defend (rather than handing over the backpack and purse I would not let the attacker take). My pockets, backpack and purse were searched as though the cops were certain they were going to find some sort of contraband. All I had of value were a few hundred dollar’s worth of college textbooks I feared losing. A report was taken then they left. I continued waiting at the bus stop to catch a ride to pick up my children from daycare and then get us back to the shelter. The police response to this incident felt like trauma icing on top of the attempted mugging. It only made the bad situation worse. The second time I was mugged it was at gunpoint. I can’t fight a gun, so I handed everything over. I did not believe the police could or would find the perpetrator or make the situation better, so I concluded it was in my best interest to calm my inner freak-out, do my best to forget about the incident and get back to the shelter and work harder to get out of there. I have been mugged and assaulted more times than this (I don’t even want to count) while going through periods of that level of vulnerability during homelessness over the past twenty years. It’s scary to become aware of where many of the traps are, of traffickers trying to recruit women and children into their operations by offering immediate rescue from the homeless/shelter life, and repeatedly dodging interactions with them. It’s even scarier to know that for all of those I am aware of, there are so many more that are not so obvious and an equal (or greater) threat to our safety.

I feel like I am so close to finally achieving big goals, but I am also teetering on the brink of another eviction and losing years of hard work and progress. again. If I lose my home I also lose my job since it is based out of my home. Each time I have been through homelessness and joblessness in the past, it has taken an average of 3 years to recover (working at a steady job and the girls and I living in our own home). To get through this last little stretch of hardship before I am earning a wage sufficient to cover our needs, it will take a miracle. This is the first time we have faced an eviction that I have felt this hopeless. Typically I have felt like I would find a way to work harder and smarter this time around starting from scratch, and this time when I got back up I would find a way to break out of this cycle for good. This time though, I have a terrible sinking feeling that there will be no recovery (much less, recovery plus a way out of the cycle) if I do not share this story, outline what it will take to get us through and out of this and get help.

There are many more stories and details that have impacted our ability to maintain a home. Ive tried hard to shorten my writings because if anything, this request for help is much too long. If anyone would like to ask me questions or for clarity on anything I’ve shared, I’m very willing to provide greater detail if asked. I will end this here for now though.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this, make any donation , share this request for help, include us in your prayers, send positive vibes, absolutely anything at all. There is no gesture to small.

Melissa