Help Sarah and Ethan Start a Family
Donation protected
Dear Friends and Family,
In an attempt to start a family, we are beginning the first of what will likely be multiple IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles this month. It’s been a difficult decision to set up a donation account to ask for financial help. Ethan and I have made a point of living within our means and enjoying the life we make for ourselves. We’d rather ask you to come over for a potluck, join us for a hike, play music together, or teach us something you like to do. Going through the trials of an infertility diagnosis has been one of the most difficult things either of us has ever experienced, and we’re just getting to the hard part. Though we never expected our story to unfold this way, our situation is, unfortunately, not unique and we are coming to accept that this is a challenge we can no longer face alone.
Having a family has been our plan for a long time. Ethan and I met in our mid-twenties and moved to Oregon together within eight months of our first date. This year marks fourteen years together. We’ve spent that time well – learning about ourselves and each other; exploring the places we’ve lived; participating in and supporting our communities, families, and friendships. We hoped to have a couple of kids by now, too, but life sometimes has other plans for you. After my mom died from metastatic breast cancer five years ago, our desire to start a family gained new urgency and weight.
In the years since, we’ve both been diagnosed with conditions that impact our ability to get pregnant. After four years of trying + numerous doctor visits and tests, it’s become clear that IVF is the only possible way to conceive a child together. If you’d asked me a year ago whether I would consider an IVF pregnancy, I would have sighed deeply and said, “I really don’t think I can do that.” It took both of us a long time to process our diagnoses and come to a place where we feel conviction about moving forward with this procedure. It’s not an easy one, and it’s not cheap. On top of that, few insurance plans cover anything related to infertility, and ours certainly doesn’t. We’ve already invested over $5,000 on top of our monthly insurance premiums just getting to the start of the IVF process.
What is IVF?
Through this crazy journey, we’ve learned a lot about what IVF is and how some of our assumptions about it were misplaced. At its most basic, IVF is a procedure that uses various drugs to stimulate and optimize egg production so that the ovary produces multiple (ideally 10-20) viable eggs that are surgically removed and fertilized in a lab. Resulting embryos are grown to a day 5 stage and tested for chromosomal abnormalities. Then all viable embryos are transferred, one (sometimes two) at a time, until a pregnancy occurs or until there are no more embryos left to transfer.
If IVF didn’t exist, Ethan and I would have no chance of conceiving a child together. Because it exists, and has been improved and refined over the past few decades, we do have a chance. In our eyes, it’s become less sci-fi or designer-baby and more like a prosthetic leg or insulin – a medical innovation that can help us overcome physical limitations that we did not choose or cause in order to do something basic to human existence – have a child together.
Although even the most straightforward IVF procedure is physically and emotionally demanding, the specifics of our case will add complications. Because of my age and other limitations caused by our infertility diagnoses, we will likely have to undergo two to three rounds of IVF to have a reasonable shot at getting pregnant. These same issues also make it advantageous for our embryos to be genetically tested in order to increase our chances of carrying a pregnancy to term. All of these extras add significant cost to our IVF protocol. (Want to know more about IVF? This website is a wealth of resources and statistics generated by compiling numerous peer-reviewed studies.)
The outcome we are hoping for - a child - is a long way off as we will likely go through two egg retrieval cycles and then multiple embryo transfers until we get pregnant or run out of options. That may not happen until fall or even deep into winter, and then, if the first set of embryos doesn't work, we'll have the decision of whether or not to try a third retrieval, extending the process into next year.
Our Financial Need
I don’t think anyone wants to think about their family in terms of a dollar amount. One of the hardest parts of this journey has been to weigh our desire for a family against what we are financially capable of spending. We have considered adoption, an option that is equally expensive. While we are not opposed to the idea of adopting, we’ve discovered through this process that having a child together – one that joins us as people and families – is deeply important to us. We love each other’s families and desire the chance to bring a new life into them.
Our costs for the first two IVF cycles include:
$23,900 for an IVF “savings” package that includes up to two retrievals, embryo biopsies, and transfer of all viable embryos until pregnancy achieved
$1,875 for genetic testing of up to 8 embryos
$6,000 per round of egg retrieval for medications (so $12,000 total)
$1,500+ for travel and lodging to and from Portland, where our clinic is located (almost 300 miles from our house one way)
= $39,275 Total
If we need a 3rd IVF cycle, that would add:
$10,900 for IVF cycle
$1,800 embryo biopsy
$2,581 per embryo transfer (could be up to 5 of these)
$1,000 for travel and lodging
= $16,281 - $26,605 Total
(For context, $66,000 is the average amount that couples spend to achieve a successful pregnancy through IVF.)
We are able to finance the IVF package for the first two rounds ($23,900) through the company that provides it, though the monthly payment will stretch our household budget uncomfortably thin and we cannot afford a second loan payment for the remaining costs. We are seeking $20,000 in funds to help defray the total costs of 2-3 IVF cycles. We’re not sure our credit capacity will allow us to take a loan out for a third cycle, so donations may be the only way that we could have that opportunity, if needed. If by some miracle we do not need additional retrieval rounds, we will put the funds toward paying back the cost of the IVF package.
Statistically, we have about 25% chance of achieving pregnancy per IVF cycle. With three rounds, our chance of ending up with a baby might reach about 60%. That leaves the most uncomfortable number among this collection of very uncomfortable numbers: a 40% chance that we will not be able to get pregnant through IVF. You don’t get your money back if pregnancy doesn’t occur, and that may leave us without the financial (or emotional) capacity to go through the adoption process. Even so, we feel that our chances are good enough to warrant giving this process a try so that no matter where it leads us we can look back and know that we did everything in our power to make it happen.
If this all sounds crazy to you, you’re not alone. It sounds totally crazy to us. Our heads are still spinning from these numbers and the layers of uncertainty that surround them. We just have to see how it goes, and do everything in our power to support a positive outcome. Through our clinic and our own research, we’ve found a lot of heartening evidence about diet and lifestyle choices that can improve our chances in statistically significant ways. You can be sure that we are eating a lot of vegetables, whole grains, and healthy fats, as well as taking walks and a ridiculous number of vitamins each day to control what we can and make our best effort at getting the most out of this investment.
We decided to create this page for two reasons:
We want more people to have a personal connection to the realities of infertility and IVF – to know that many people face these challenges (1 in 8 couples receive some kind of fertility treatment) and that no one comes to it by choice. That infertility is not an easy thing to live with in our culture. It’s not something we talk about openly, and because of that people you know and love may be suffering silently. Even our medical system categorizes infertility treatment as “elective,” implying it is something you choose, even though the psychological effects of an infertility diagnosis are on par with those of a terminal illness. Our situation makes assisted reproductive technology a medical necessity. In cases like ours, it feels as absurd to be denied health insurance coverage for fertility treatment as it would be to deny us coverage for a heart attack or cancer. We’re putting our story out there because, if mandated IVF coverage ever turns up on your ballet or comes out of the mouth of a candidate you’re thinking of voting for, we hope you might be more willing to support it. We hope that in the future, expensive medical loans and Go Fund Me aren’t the only ways couples like us can have a chance at parenthood.
We also decided to set up this page because we believe in helping people, so it’s only fair to give people a chance to help us. We want to be self-sufficient, so this kind of ask is not easy for us to do, but we’ve exhausted our other options so here we are. If you can contribute something, we will be deeply moved and thankful. We also want you to know that we will love and appreciate you just as much without a contribution. If you’ve read this far, you’ve already done us a favor by learning our story and shedding a little light on a corner of our lives that has been lonely and heartbreaking for too long.
With love,
Sarah and Ethan
In an attempt to start a family, we are beginning the first of what will likely be multiple IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles this month. It’s been a difficult decision to set up a donation account to ask for financial help. Ethan and I have made a point of living within our means and enjoying the life we make for ourselves. We’d rather ask you to come over for a potluck, join us for a hike, play music together, or teach us something you like to do. Going through the trials of an infertility diagnosis has been one of the most difficult things either of us has ever experienced, and we’re just getting to the hard part. Though we never expected our story to unfold this way, our situation is, unfortunately, not unique and we are coming to accept that this is a challenge we can no longer face alone.
Having a family has been our plan for a long time. Ethan and I met in our mid-twenties and moved to Oregon together within eight months of our first date. This year marks fourteen years together. We’ve spent that time well – learning about ourselves and each other; exploring the places we’ve lived; participating in and supporting our communities, families, and friendships. We hoped to have a couple of kids by now, too, but life sometimes has other plans for you. After my mom died from metastatic breast cancer five years ago, our desire to start a family gained new urgency and weight.
In the years since, we’ve both been diagnosed with conditions that impact our ability to get pregnant. After four years of trying + numerous doctor visits and tests, it’s become clear that IVF is the only possible way to conceive a child together. If you’d asked me a year ago whether I would consider an IVF pregnancy, I would have sighed deeply and said, “I really don’t think I can do that.” It took both of us a long time to process our diagnoses and come to a place where we feel conviction about moving forward with this procedure. It’s not an easy one, and it’s not cheap. On top of that, few insurance plans cover anything related to infertility, and ours certainly doesn’t. We’ve already invested over $5,000 on top of our monthly insurance premiums just getting to the start of the IVF process.
What is IVF?
Through this crazy journey, we’ve learned a lot about what IVF is and how some of our assumptions about it were misplaced. At its most basic, IVF is a procedure that uses various drugs to stimulate and optimize egg production so that the ovary produces multiple (ideally 10-20) viable eggs that are surgically removed and fertilized in a lab. Resulting embryos are grown to a day 5 stage and tested for chromosomal abnormalities. Then all viable embryos are transferred, one (sometimes two) at a time, until a pregnancy occurs or until there are no more embryos left to transfer.
If IVF didn’t exist, Ethan and I would have no chance of conceiving a child together. Because it exists, and has been improved and refined over the past few decades, we do have a chance. In our eyes, it’s become less sci-fi or designer-baby and more like a prosthetic leg or insulin – a medical innovation that can help us overcome physical limitations that we did not choose or cause in order to do something basic to human existence – have a child together.
Although even the most straightforward IVF procedure is physically and emotionally demanding, the specifics of our case will add complications. Because of my age and other limitations caused by our infertility diagnoses, we will likely have to undergo two to three rounds of IVF to have a reasonable shot at getting pregnant. These same issues also make it advantageous for our embryos to be genetically tested in order to increase our chances of carrying a pregnancy to term. All of these extras add significant cost to our IVF protocol. (Want to know more about IVF? This website is a wealth of resources and statistics generated by compiling numerous peer-reviewed studies.)
The outcome we are hoping for - a child - is a long way off as we will likely go through two egg retrieval cycles and then multiple embryo transfers until we get pregnant or run out of options. That may not happen until fall or even deep into winter, and then, if the first set of embryos doesn't work, we'll have the decision of whether or not to try a third retrieval, extending the process into next year.
Our Financial Need
I don’t think anyone wants to think about their family in terms of a dollar amount. One of the hardest parts of this journey has been to weigh our desire for a family against what we are financially capable of spending. We have considered adoption, an option that is equally expensive. While we are not opposed to the idea of adopting, we’ve discovered through this process that having a child together – one that joins us as people and families – is deeply important to us. We love each other’s families and desire the chance to bring a new life into them.
Our costs for the first two IVF cycles include:
$23,900 for an IVF “savings” package that includes up to two retrievals, embryo biopsies, and transfer of all viable embryos until pregnancy achieved
$1,875 for genetic testing of up to 8 embryos
$6,000 per round of egg retrieval for medications (so $12,000 total)
$1,500+ for travel and lodging to and from Portland, where our clinic is located (almost 300 miles from our house one way)
= $39,275 Total
If we need a 3rd IVF cycle, that would add:
$10,900 for IVF cycle
$1,800 embryo biopsy
$2,581 per embryo transfer (could be up to 5 of these)
$1,000 for travel and lodging
= $16,281 - $26,605 Total
(For context, $66,000 is the average amount that couples spend to achieve a successful pregnancy through IVF.)
We are able to finance the IVF package for the first two rounds ($23,900) through the company that provides it, though the monthly payment will stretch our household budget uncomfortably thin and we cannot afford a second loan payment for the remaining costs. We are seeking $20,000 in funds to help defray the total costs of 2-3 IVF cycles. We’re not sure our credit capacity will allow us to take a loan out for a third cycle, so donations may be the only way that we could have that opportunity, if needed. If by some miracle we do not need additional retrieval rounds, we will put the funds toward paying back the cost of the IVF package.
Statistically, we have about 25% chance of achieving pregnancy per IVF cycle. With three rounds, our chance of ending up with a baby might reach about 60%. That leaves the most uncomfortable number among this collection of very uncomfortable numbers: a 40% chance that we will not be able to get pregnant through IVF. You don’t get your money back if pregnancy doesn’t occur, and that may leave us without the financial (or emotional) capacity to go through the adoption process. Even so, we feel that our chances are good enough to warrant giving this process a try so that no matter where it leads us we can look back and know that we did everything in our power to make it happen.
If this all sounds crazy to you, you’re not alone. It sounds totally crazy to us. Our heads are still spinning from these numbers and the layers of uncertainty that surround them. We just have to see how it goes, and do everything in our power to support a positive outcome. Through our clinic and our own research, we’ve found a lot of heartening evidence about diet and lifestyle choices that can improve our chances in statistically significant ways. You can be sure that we are eating a lot of vegetables, whole grains, and healthy fats, as well as taking walks and a ridiculous number of vitamins each day to control what we can and make our best effort at getting the most out of this investment.
We decided to create this page for two reasons:
We want more people to have a personal connection to the realities of infertility and IVF – to know that many people face these challenges (1 in 8 couples receive some kind of fertility treatment) and that no one comes to it by choice. That infertility is not an easy thing to live with in our culture. It’s not something we talk about openly, and because of that people you know and love may be suffering silently. Even our medical system categorizes infertility treatment as “elective,” implying it is something you choose, even though the psychological effects of an infertility diagnosis are on par with those of a terminal illness. Our situation makes assisted reproductive technology a medical necessity. In cases like ours, it feels as absurd to be denied health insurance coverage for fertility treatment as it would be to deny us coverage for a heart attack or cancer. We’re putting our story out there because, if mandated IVF coverage ever turns up on your ballet or comes out of the mouth of a candidate you’re thinking of voting for, we hope you might be more willing to support it. We hope that in the future, expensive medical loans and Go Fund Me aren’t the only ways couples like us can have a chance at parenthood.
We also decided to set up this page because we believe in helping people, so it’s only fair to give people a chance to help us. We want to be self-sufficient, so this kind of ask is not easy for us to do, but we’ve exhausted our other options so here we are. If you can contribute something, we will be deeply moved and thankful. We also want you to know that we will love and appreciate you just as much without a contribution. If you’ve read this far, you’ve already done us a favor by learning our story and shedding a little light on a corner of our lives that has been lonely and heartbreaking for too long.
With love,
Sarah and Ethan
Organizer
Sarah West
Organizer
Cove, OR