Exit Plan - Moving to a Better Life
Donation protected
Hey y'all.
I'm pretty open about things. I talk A LOT. If you know me, you've probably noticed.
THIS is hard for me to talk about.
I have been sole provider for an older relative for nearly a decade. This same relative was abusive to me as a child and teen, but after moving away for a couple of years, they ended up in need of help and I became convinced that they had changed.
For most of the past decade things have been okay. A little rocky sometimes, but okay. The abusive behaviors weren't as prevalent. So I worked to support my kids, myself, our myriad pets over the years, and this older relative.
Until about three years ago, when things started to change. My older relative's physical health began a steep decline. Resistant to medical care due to spiritual/religious beliefs, it took a lot of persuading and eventually arguing to get them to seek any type of care. With no income, options are limited by what state care covers. As their condition worsened, the abusive behaviors began again in earnest.
(TW: emotional/verbal abuse, ableist language, swears, molestation, suicide)
Over the last three years, the abuse has escalated. I've been coping as best I can. I'm dealing with severe anxiety, depression, panic attacks and PTSD episodes triggered by my older relative's behaviors towards me, but I can't afford mental health care and I'm too worn. I can't continue like this.
Over the last two days alone I've been told:
That I'm a crazy fat whore.
That nobody has ever or will ever love me, that anyone who says otherwise is lying.
That God has spoken to (my older relative) and told them I have cancer and will die from it this year, and they (my older relative) can't wait to watch it happen.
That my entire family would be better off if I kill myself.
That I was molested as a child and buried the memories but they (my older relative) hope the memories come back so I know what real abuse is.
That I've made (my older relative) want to kill themselves ever since I was a child.
And more. This is just the last 48 hours. It cycles, so sometimes it's better than others, but it never stops. When I'm at work and not home to verbally abuse, I receive text and email messages with the same type of talk.
I've looked into options to get out of this situation. Unfortunately, they're limited and all involve money I don't have.
I can't force them to move out. They have nowhere to go, and no money of their own, and they're unwilling to apply for housing assistance.
My best option (and, since I'm here being painfully honest with y'all, what I would personally prefer) is to move. That would force my older relative to find alternate housing, which is available (they just don't want to do it). The barrier there is a lack of saved-up funds.
Here's my goal:
I want to move out of state, beyond their reach and the reach of other relatives who have deliberately turned away and ignored my pleas for help. I want a fresh start with my kids and our pets, a new home for just us with no painful memories.
The costs:
Roughly $3000 move in costs (deposits+first month's rent+utility deposits/hookup fees)
Roughly $3200 moving costs (packing materials, U-Haul truck, gas for the drive)
OR
Roughly the same to get rid of all the furniture and larger items here, move with just whatever fits in my car, and buy furniture later
Roughly $200 for hotel costs during the drive.
A buffer of funds saved for emergencies, unanticipated costs, and to account for unpaid time from work.
If you've ever been in an abusive situation, you know that "Just get out of there!" isn't always realistic, especially when it's "just" psychological abuse. As much as I need to get out of this situation, I can't put my kids at risk of homelessness or going hungry.
There's no deadline. I can't move until I have the money saved up to be able to move without jeopardizing my kids' safety. I'm starting this fund so that eventually it will be possible. I don't see any other way out, and the frequency and severity of the abuse keeps escalating.
Thank you for your time and any help you can provide, financially or by boosting this fund. You are SO appreciated.
I'm pretty open about things. I talk A LOT. If you know me, you've probably noticed.
THIS is hard for me to talk about.
I have been sole provider for an older relative for nearly a decade. This same relative was abusive to me as a child and teen, but after moving away for a couple of years, they ended up in need of help and I became convinced that they had changed.
For most of the past decade things have been okay. A little rocky sometimes, but okay. The abusive behaviors weren't as prevalent. So I worked to support my kids, myself, our myriad pets over the years, and this older relative.
Until about three years ago, when things started to change. My older relative's physical health began a steep decline. Resistant to medical care due to spiritual/religious beliefs, it took a lot of persuading and eventually arguing to get them to seek any type of care. With no income, options are limited by what state care covers. As their condition worsened, the abusive behaviors began again in earnest.
(TW: emotional/verbal abuse, ableist language, swears, molestation, suicide)
Over the last three years, the abuse has escalated. I've been coping as best I can. I'm dealing with severe anxiety, depression, panic attacks and PTSD episodes triggered by my older relative's behaviors towards me, but I can't afford mental health care and I'm too worn. I can't continue like this.
Over the last two days alone I've been told:
That I'm a crazy fat whore.
That nobody has ever or will ever love me, that anyone who says otherwise is lying.
That God has spoken to (my older relative) and told them I have cancer and will die from it this year, and they (my older relative) can't wait to watch it happen.
That my entire family would be better off if I kill myself.
That I was molested as a child and buried the memories but they (my older relative) hope the memories come back so I know what real abuse is.
That I've made (my older relative) want to kill themselves ever since I was a child.
And more. This is just the last 48 hours. It cycles, so sometimes it's better than others, but it never stops. When I'm at work and not home to verbally abuse, I receive text and email messages with the same type of talk.
I've looked into options to get out of this situation. Unfortunately, they're limited and all involve money I don't have.
I can't force them to move out. They have nowhere to go, and no money of their own, and they're unwilling to apply for housing assistance.
My best option (and, since I'm here being painfully honest with y'all, what I would personally prefer) is to move. That would force my older relative to find alternate housing, which is available (they just don't want to do it). The barrier there is a lack of saved-up funds.
Here's my goal:
I want to move out of state, beyond their reach and the reach of other relatives who have deliberately turned away and ignored my pleas for help. I want a fresh start with my kids and our pets, a new home for just us with no painful memories.
The costs:
Roughly $3000 move in costs (deposits+first month's rent+utility deposits/hookup fees)
Roughly $3200 moving costs (packing materials, U-Haul truck, gas for the drive)
OR
Roughly the same to get rid of all the furniture and larger items here, move with just whatever fits in my car, and buy furniture later
Roughly $200 for hotel costs during the drive.
A buffer of funds saved for emergencies, unanticipated costs, and to account for unpaid time from work.
If you've ever been in an abusive situation, you know that "Just get out of there!" isn't always realistic, especially when it's "just" psychological abuse. As much as I need to get out of this situation, I can't put my kids at risk of homelessness or going hungry.
There's no deadline. I can't move until I have the money saved up to be able to move without jeopardizing my kids' safety. I'm starting this fund so that eventually it will be possible. I don't see any other way out, and the frequency and severity of the abuse keeps escalating.
Thank you for your time and any help you can provide, financially or by boosting this fund. You are SO appreciated.
Organizer
Ginny L.
Organizer
Vancouver, WA