Protection of 3 yr old girl
Donation protected
Dear people, I have decided to rewrite this bit, so that I feel more comfortable to share it more widely and add information that will help spreading awareness about the issues in order to help others as well.
I am a 34 year old woman from Northern Europe, living in LA, caught up in a horrendous custody case with a Santa Monica man, my ex husband, who has abused me, our 3,5 year old daughter, as well as at least 4 other women that I know of. I have personally read each of these women’s declarations under oath, describing the abuse. The father of my child has been criminally convicted not once, but twice. For strangling and battering me and exactly the same for the woman before me.
Now here is the kicker: Despite this fact, he has had 50-50 custody and has vowed to 'fight me for custody with every last ounce of his energy' ( exact quote). According to his own words he has been after full custody. I want him to have contact with her, when safe. Obviously she shouldn’t have to carry the risk of being exposed to Domestic Violence at worst and coercive control and being poisoned anti mom at best. My ex has been waging a legal war. Just the past 2 months I have been in court 5 times. He has filed 3 emergency motions (including a writ with the appellate court).
What do I need your help for?
The CUSTODY TRIAL is scheduled in early december. My ex has successfully argued for a minimum of a 6 day trial! This comes after years of hearings already. If I go without an attorney and most importantly without being able to serve or pay for witnesses, including a very important expert witness who costs 4K A DAY, my daughter is lost. My ex has paid several doctors and even his anger management director to testify on his behalf ( anyone who knows sociopaths or narcissists knows they can charm, apparantly even their DV counselor!).
I will proceed with answering the common first reactions:
--How can this happen?
A variety of circumstances that abusers are apt at exploiting to their advantage:
1) ENABILING RICH PARENTS:
· His father is/was a highly successful entertainer who has made a fortune in the past and enables and funds his son. Both his parents have for instance witnessed my ex threatening with a knife and swept it under the rug.
· My ex transferred his paid off penthouse to his parents so he cannot be held liable for anything, not for child support, nor for attorneys fees, while he still has access to the funds of his rich parents to have, currently a minimum of 3 attorneys working for him.
2) His attorney will lie to the judge and act as an extension of his abuse through the legal system and I was often unrepresented. Because I had only been able to afford an attorney periodically (still costing an arm and a leg and due to my short history in the States I cannot get a credit card let alone work a 9-6 job without family in town and with court at any given day) it couldn’t even begin to counter this. He also deposed me and others and I cannot do same.
3) I was new in the States. Now imagine putting a frog in a pan of boiling water: it would jump out! Me too! But put that frog in cold water and heat it up slowly: he sits and cooks to death. I was also isolated and he made it impossible for me to keep social contacts. He once followed me as I was going to the Google building in Santa Monica (at the time) to meet a friend and pounced on the door to demand me to not meet her, to the point security was called. These situations tend to make you feel embarrassed and not want to put your friends through that stuff. In between behavior like this he was fun and apologetic and everyone looked at him as being an amazing 'family man'. Also, the non stop manipulation will literally leave your head spinning. And any of you who has had a baby knows: you want to keep the family together (if you see this even remotely possible) and as a society we are encouraged to believe people deserve second and third chances (how many women did it take before we started doubting Bill Cosby?)
--Oh, I know! Why don’t you contact organization XYZ for legal help?
Ok, lets list them so you don’t have to suggest them. To put it bluntly: we lie when we say to abused people‘ there is always help out there’ and ‘you should just leave!’. Who would leave if you risk losing your child?
So the list (and yes, they do do amazing crucial work for many other victims and advocacy in other ways! I used to work as a strategy consultant and would love to work with these organizations in some capacity to combat the ltactics of abusers to essentially hold their victims hostage):
*Levitt & Quinn: I personally went to their organization and they turned me down because my ex had an LLC and that was against their protocol.
*LEGAL AID ( LAFLA): They started helping me with filling out my restraining order with my baby in my arms. Then ran his name through the system and instantly sent me off because of a 'conflict of interest’.
*Harriet Buhai: Tried a few times. Huge wait list, after a year or so I could finally be helped but then they turned me down because ‘my next court hearing was within approx 2 months’ and that was against protocol too. When you deal with a severely legally abusive person you will always have a courthearing coming up...
*Peace over Violence: does not provide legal representation.
*All organizations with ‘law’ or ‘women’ in the title: they will refer to any of the abovementioned.
--Why care?
Because this could be your child. Imagine handing your toddler to someone with this trackrecord multiple times a week. Also, I could be you. You could be me. I have 2 Master Degrees, used to work successfully, have no mental illness, dont drink or anything, I am pretty sure most people look at me and cannot imagine this is going on. My ex' ex whom he abused was a psychologist. If it can be a psychologist, why couldn't it be you.
Any donation will be used toward attorneys fees, subpoena for witnesses, serving them etc and every spare dime left after these expenses: I wholeheartedly promise to donate equally to 2 causes that are working towards court reform against child abuse by proxy and to put kids' rights in the forefront of custody decisions when it involves sociopaths, psychopaths and other cluster B's who will not get better:
https://onemomsbattle.com/
http://childrensjusticecampaign.org
If you want to learn more about the (court) tactics of abusers/sociopaths/etc look into the literature of Lundy Bancroft and Barry Goldstein.
"What hurts the victim most, Is not the cruelty of the oppressor, but those who look on and do nothing" (Elie Wiesel)
They say God helps those that help themselves. My 3 year old cannot do so and I can honestly say I have not left a stone unturned. I actually left ( while his dad pounced into me: only weak people leave!). I actually filed a restraining order. Many women are equally too beat up (emotionally is the worst, its a slow process that I am convinced can be inflicted on every single person) to even take the step. We cannot ask the question anymore as to 'why does she stay' when this is the aftermath for your child...
Please spread this post and/or donate. I will update! Thank you!
I am a 34 year old woman from Northern Europe, living in LA, caught up in a horrendous custody case with a Santa Monica man, my ex husband, who has abused me, our 3,5 year old daughter, as well as at least 4 other women that I know of. I have personally read each of these women’s declarations under oath, describing the abuse. The father of my child has been criminally convicted not once, but twice. For strangling and battering me and exactly the same for the woman before me.
Now here is the kicker: Despite this fact, he has had 50-50 custody and has vowed to 'fight me for custody with every last ounce of his energy' ( exact quote). According to his own words he has been after full custody. I want him to have contact with her, when safe. Obviously she shouldn’t have to carry the risk of being exposed to Domestic Violence at worst and coercive control and being poisoned anti mom at best. My ex has been waging a legal war. Just the past 2 months I have been in court 5 times. He has filed 3 emergency motions (including a writ with the appellate court).
What do I need your help for?
The CUSTODY TRIAL is scheduled in early december. My ex has successfully argued for a minimum of a 6 day trial! This comes after years of hearings already. If I go without an attorney and most importantly without being able to serve or pay for witnesses, including a very important expert witness who costs 4K A DAY, my daughter is lost. My ex has paid several doctors and even his anger management director to testify on his behalf ( anyone who knows sociopaths or narcissists knows they can charm, apparantly even their DV counselor!).
I will proceed with answering the common first reactions:
--How can this happen?
A variety of circumstances that abusers are apt at exploiting to their advantage:
1) ENABILING RICH PARENTS:
· His father is/was a highly successful entertainer who has made a fortune in the past and enables and funds his son. Both his parents have for instance witnessed my ex threatening with a knife and swept it under the rug.
· My ex transferred his paid off penthouse to his parents so he cannot be held liable for anything, not for child support, nor for attorneys fees, while he still has access to the funds of his rich parents to have, currently a minimum of 3 attorneys working for him.
2) His attorney will lie to the judge and act as an extension of his abuse through the legal system and I was often unrepresented. Because I had only been able to afford an attorney periodically (still costing an arm and a leg and due to my short history in the States I cannot get a credit card let alone work a 9-6 job without family in town and with court at any given day) it couldn’t even begin to counter this. He also deposed me and others and I cannot do same.
3) I was new in the States. Now imagine putting a frog in a pan of boiling water: it would jump out! Me too! But put that frog in cold water and heat it up slowly: he sits and cooks to death. I was also isolated and he made it impossible for me to keep social contacts. He once followed me as I was going to the Google building in Santa Monica (at the time) to meet a friend and pounced on the door to demand me to not meet her, to the point security was called. These situations tend to make you feel embarrassed and not want to put your friends through that stuff. In between behavior like this he was fun and apologetic and everyone looked at him as being an amazing 'family man'. Also, the non stop manipulation will literally leave your head spinning. And any of you who has had a baby knows: you want to keep the family together (if you see this even remotely possible) and as a society we are encouraged to believe people deserve second and third chances (how many women did it take before we started doubting Bill Cosby?)
--Oh, I know! Why don’t you contact organization XYZ for legal help?
Ok, lets list them so you don’t have to suggest them. To put it bluntly: we lie when we say to abused people‘ there is always help out there’ and ‘you should just leave!’. Who would leave if you risk losing your child?
So the list (and yes, they do do amazing crucial work for many other victims and advocacy in other ways! I used to work as a strategy consultant and would love to work with these organizations in some capacity to combat the ltactics of abusers to essentially hold their victims hostage):
*Levitt & Quinn: I personally went to their organization and they turned me down because my ex had an LLC and that was against their protocol.
*LEGAL AID ( LAFLA): They started helping me with filling out my restraining order with my baby in my arms. Then ran his name through the system and instantly sent me off because of a 'conflict of interest’.
*Harriet Buhai: Tried a few times. Huge wait list, after a year or so I could finally be helped but then they turned me down because ‘my next court hearing was within approx 2 months’ and that was against protocol too. When you deal with a severely legally abusive person you will always have a courthearing coming up...
*Peace over Violence: does not provide legal representation.
*All organizations with ‘law’ or ‘women’ in the title: they will refer to any of the abovementioned.
--Why care?
Because this could be your child. Imagine handing your toddler to someone with this trackrecord multiple times a week. Also, I could be you. You could be me. I have 2 Master Degrees, used to work successfully, have no mental illness, dont drink or anything, I am pretty sure most people look at me and cannot imagine this is going on. My ex' ex whom he abused was a psychologist. If it can be a psychologist, why couldn't it be you.
Any donation will be used toward attorneys fees, subpoena for witnesses, serving them etc and every spare dime left after these expenses: I wholeheartedly promise to donate equally to 2 causes that are working towards court reform against child abuse by proxy and to put kids' rights in the forefront of custody decisions when it involves sociopaths, psychopaths and other cluster B's who will not get better:
https://onemomsbattle.com/
http://childrensjusticecampaign.org
If you want to learn more about the (court) tactics of abusers/sociopaths/etc look into the literature of Lundy Bancroft and Barry Goldstein.
"What hurts the victim most, Is not the cruelty of the oppressor, but those who look on and do nothing" (Elie Wiesel)
They say God helps those that help themselves. My 3 year old cannot do so and I can honestly say I have not left a stone unturned. I actually left ( while his dad pounced into me: only weak people leave!). I actually filed a restraining order. Many women are equally too beat up (emotionally is the worst, its a slow process that I am convinced can be inflicted on every single person) to even take the step. We cannot ask the question anymore as to 'why does she stay' when this is the aftermath for your child...
Please spread this post and/or donate. I will update! Thank you!
Organizer
Child Helper
Organizer
Los Angeles, CA