Support a Fallen Soldier's Gold Star Family

Your daughter cries asking why her Lola and Lolo hate her now that you are in heaven. You would be disappointed, aghast, and disgusted.

My name is Victoria, and here's our story

Luis Pascual De La Cruz Jr. My phenomenal husband, and an amazing father to two daughters, one whom he will never meet.

My husband is a statistic, and I refuse to allow his death to be in vain. There have been multiple other active duty service member deaths, 4-6 in the Air Force alone, since my husband took his last breath.

There are no banners for mental health on military web pages, nothing on base Facebook pages, no additional support briefings, absolutely nothing. While suicide may be a taboo subject for many, if it is not discussed it will forever linger in the void.

While there are little to no mental health resources for our service members, once they succumb to their inner demons, their spouses are left with a packet of resources to assist with grief. Where were our service members’ resources? The annual mental health brief explicitly outlining the signs of suicidal ideation so they can better hide their mental health battles? It's shameful. My husband will not just be a statistic. His death will invoke change, he may be gone, but I will not allow him to be forgotten.

I will not remain silent as everything that should keep my husband's children afloat is ripped from my grasp.

For all of our friends and family members who serve, allow this to be your reminder to update your DEERS forms and your beneficiaries. Contrary to what you are told, your Death Gratuity and Final Paycheck are not automatically allotted to your spouse once they are in the DEERS system contrary to popular opinion. Unfortunately this is what was explained to my husband as fact, and it is a $100,000 mistake that his wife and children are paying for.

You may think your family loves your spouse, but that's only until you're gone, and they use your death as pure profit, leaving your wife and children blowing in the wind, contacting countless resources to try to get by.

$600,000, money which is supposed to assist in closing estates, rebuilding after loss, securing your children's future. You may think your family loves you, but once you are gone, you're just another paycheck, a statistic, a tragic loss.

Unfortunately my husband did not update his SGLI before he was all consumed by the demons inside. The lack of update was due to the length of the marital name change process, and needing to obtain legal guardianship over his step daughter; which four days prior to his death, signed paperwork to obtain.

I will not sit here and grieve silently any longer. I will grieve at the top of my lungs, I will make it clear that I will fight for my children, and their future. I will ensure the children my husband loved are provided for and taken care of. The daughter who he loved as his own, and the baby in my belly whom he was incredibly excited to meet. I will not sit quietly as someone profits off of my husband, and throws his children to the wolves.

Ensure your beneficiaries are updated, both on your SGLI and your vRAD. If you have questions, ensure you're asking them to get the proper solutions, and not just trusting someone because they work in the finance department. Trust me, it's happening as we speak. $600,000 which could be allocated between parents, siblings, spouse, children; and nothing but greed consuming the already dark minds of those deep in grief; and a wife and two children left hanging in the distance hoping for a miracle or for someone to come to their senses.

The United States Air Force is also in violation of their own policies and procedures which they so heavily rely on. Per defense.gov, should the spouse not be the beneficiary of the death gratuity, the secretary of the department (in this case Air Force) is required to inform them in writing. We did not receive this notification, and coupling this with the misinformation from finance, and the utter greed of family members, his wife and children are left with every burned concerning managing a death and an estate, moving from our family home, and trying to rebuild; while undergoing extreme financial distress and lack of emotional support from those who say they loved us.

I cannot adequately explain, as a mother, how gut wrenching it is to have your daughter look you in the eyes and ask you why daddy's family hates us now that daddy is in heaven. It is beyond comprehension, and I do not wish this on anyone.

I will continue to fight for our children's well being, I will continue to fight for their financial security and if it costs me a lifetime of income in attorney fees then so be it. I know you loved us, I know you would be abhorred by this, you would be distraught and disgusted your wife was asked not to attend the meeting to plan your funeral, you would be ashamed that your wife and children are left alone to figure out what remains, and I will keep fighting, and you my love, will not be a statistic, I promise.

I hope this post reaches far and wide so no one is ever in this situation again. I hope this post is so highly visible those who said they loved him are faced daily with the fact that they left his entire world, his wife and two children, grasping at straws. Share this so it is plastered across every empty space to demand change and visibility for mental health care, spousal rights, welfare of minors. There will be resources. There will be help. There will be policy change because of this, I promise. Til Valhalla my love.

This is to raise money specifically to assist with the relocation of my small family, attorney fees associated with executing the estate, attorney fees to be seen in federal court, implementing policy change within the US Military itself, and day to day expenses for our two children. Our attorney fees are already at $5,000 and climbing.

Find us on Facebook @Victoria DelaCruz to follow along on our life changing journey