Finding my path, working towards inner-peace

Hello dear friends,

My name is Rik Middelbosch. I am 29 years old and born in the Netherlands. I’m from a place called Assen, a small city somewhat north in the country where I have lived all my life. I’d like to tell you about my journey, how at one point I didn’t see any way forward or out of my difficulties and overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness, how it all started to shift when came in contact with the Zen Buddhist monastery Plum Village and how you might support me.

I like to tell you how I found Plum Village in 2022, how much I have been transformed in the last two years and the great sense of hope and purpose that I found in the calligraphy “Peace in one self, Peace in the world.”

Before Plum village came into my life I felt very stuck and confused. I felt there was nothing fulfilling happening in my life, I didn’t feel safe in the place where I lived and the city felt so cold to me. I stopped my study of journalism because I felt this was not my calling anymore. My wish was to help others by informing them, but during the study, I could not find a lot of connection with other people who had the same aspiration as well as wondering if people would even read my material in a such a polarized word. Nevertheless, I was advised to just finish the study, I really tried, but I just could not overcome with everything that I felt and saw, leaving me clueless about what to do next and with a substantial student debt. Feeling lazy, weak, ashamed, alone and a failure.

The jobs I did, did not make me happy, they were repetitive and without a future. Most of the time I felt very numbed towards everything. I felt I was going downhill mentally, like a car without a handbrake slowly rolling toward the edge of a cliff. I had to make big decisions, but my mind felt like a mess. I didn’t have any energy to break out of it all. The longer things dragged on, the weaker I felt mentally and physically, it felt like the window of opportunity was slowly closing. I just didn’t see a way forward or a way out, a sense of hopelessness came over me. This really frightened me.

It felt I was closing up, being less able to touch joy and happiness. I felt like my heart started to turn into a block of ice, the expressions of love and appreciation from others just didn’t stay with me. Even though I knew my friends liked me but I felt less and less connected with people, including myself, making me feel really lonely.

Yet, I always felt a spark of hope that things could change, not only for me but also for all of the wrongs in our world. That a different way of living a more wholesome and meaningful life would be possible. Real fulfilment but I wasn’t able to find it.

Then I found Plum Village, a Zen Buddhist Monastery in Southwest France, this was in 2022. Living in this community has already been very transformative to me. The more time I spend here, the more difficult it becomes for me to express what this place is and what it has meant for me.

I never thought I would be able to fall in love with Buddhism so much. The teachings are learning me a lot about finding the wisdom from within and is showing me how important it is to be kind and gentle to my body. I feel so lucky for being able to live with this monastic community, living with people who made it their commitment and aspiration to make themselves, others and the world more beautiful. To be invited into their home, the monastery, with open arms.

The calligraphy “Peace in one self, Peace in the world” says it all for me, to know that I have to take care of myself in the first place, and that is what truly matters. That what I do will always be colored by how I feel. That the desire to help would be a more powerful and productive force than the urge to argue, and that I don’t have face these challenges alone. If I can be truly there for myself I can be truly be there for others. I feel so much safer and confident now, knowing that I have a path. Now I trust that I am moving towards a wholesome direction in my life.

With your help I would be able to stay in the monastery for this year to further heal myself and become solid and confident enough to leave the monastery. Furthermore I can make a large step in my desire to not only find happiness and fulfillment for myself, but also to be able to do something meaningful for others.

After this year I would want to leave, even if my monastic aspiration would flare up again and to give life another real good change. The idea of leaving the monastery still sounds a little scary because, I really saw myself going downhill before I found Plum Village. When I was writing this I noticed the emotions I felt coming up a little bit, still being part of my being.

it feels as if I only now start to process the challenges I had faced as a kid and teen. The healing will be a lifelong journey, it wil not be ‘fixed’ after the end of the year, they will probably remain a part of life in some way. but I am becoming more and more able to embrace these moments. I trust I will be at a much better place at the end of the year. I am slowly starting to be more curious about all the things I could do.

Being at Plum Village means a lot to me, doing the practice has became and remained a core part of my life. Your support would mean a lot for me. With your help I would be able to stay here and gain a lot of strength, joy and stability. Something I would be able to give back to others in return.

There are two kinds of costs for my stay here in Plum Village, with 600 Euros I would be able to stay till 20th of September, also, I was accepted to stay for the Rains Retreat, this is from the 7th of October till the 06th of January 2025. With the discount offered by the community the costs of this retreat would be 2.137 Euros. I wish to able to work online, but it is not possible to work remotely during practice in the monastery.

When I leave the monastery I will find a job to start paying of my student debt. I wish to find a job in which I can trust that I am contributing something good. If you have any kinds of suggestions about what I could do or where I could look, feel free to also send me a message about this.

Thank you so much!

Rik Middelbosch