FLIGHT OF THE GOLIKEHELLMACHINE

Hello.

If you're finding this, you probably followed me on Twitter, or currently follow me on Bluesky, and if it's the latter, you've hopefully found some amusement of the saga of our exploding pipes and destroyed apartment.

If you haven't, well, here's a sample of what we're contending with:

The short explanation here is that we live in a non-standard apartment, in an old Portland building, and had a pipe full of greywater destroy our bed, our bedroom, rugs, clothing, a suitcase, and plenty of other personal items. Many of these items will be covered by renter's insurance, though this isn't an easy process.

The larger issue is that we've run out of faith in our building management company to solve this problem correctly, and have been advised by a third-party plumber to get out of this apartment, because this is unlikely to be the last incident of this kind. It's a 115-year old building with 115-year old cast iron pipes, many of which complete their final circuit in the ceiling above our heads (we're on the basement floor).

This is — at least, for the moment — considered a "voluntary" move, which means we're on our own. Our bedroom is currently unlivable, we have no bed, our kitchen is unusable, and while the building management company assures us that the repairs should take no more than 7 business days, we'd be foolish to believe them, given the scope of the damage.

CATERMISSION!

Here's what we're asking for, and a brief explanation of why.

We're moving out. It's unwise for us to stay, and we have some concerns that a second renter's insurance claim within a year — which seems likely — could be even more difficult than the first. Also, we've had enough greywater showers for one lifetime.

We have some meager savings, enough to cover the deposit and first month on a new place with no notice. But we have a renter's insurance claim that will likely remain in limbo through the end of October, we'll need to purchase a new bed, and, unfortunately, we're going to have to dispose of quite a bit of what we currently own; the non-standard apartment we're currently in was, until recently, great, but any place we can afford is going to be significantly smaller, and too small for what we currently own. Furniture haul-away is expensive, and isn't covered by our rental insurance policy (for now). Replacing that furniture is also expensive, even if we buy used and from thrift stores (which is the plan).

Between now and three weeks from now, we need to pack a 2BR apartment filled with records, skulls, framed artwork, antiques and more, starting with our bedroom and our kitchen, which means we won't be able to cook during this time (takeout or microwave dinners for three weeks). We'll have to have this furniture hauled away before we move, or the move gets much more expensive. We'll need to get a bed in the new place ASAP, which we'll likely need to be reimbursed for. We've already paid for a hotel for three nights, which we'll eventually be reimbursed for, though I don't know how long it will take. It's a lot that adds up quickly, and while we can make some of it work, we're at negative margin for error already.

About Us

Important!

This is an emergency for us, but this is not life-or-death; I'm not thrilled about asking for your help, and if it's a hardship for you, please don't contribute. I won't belabor this point, but if we don't hit this funding goal, it's not the end of the world for us, we'll figure out how to make things work.

There's a possibility we are overshooting our needs here; $3,000 is an amount that I'm pretty confident will get us through this move, even with unanticipated bumps in the road, and without having to come back to the well (as it were). Once we're moved, settled, and have what we need, I intend to donate whatever's left over to Portland Tenants United , a local organization who help keep people in their homes.

So, that's that; if you're a lottery winner or a third-generation lumber scion lurking in my mentions across social media, now's a time I could really use your help. If you're struggling to make ends meet yourself, please take care of yourself, we're scrappy and we've got good friends, both of which help paper over a lot of hardships.

Thanks for reading this very long-winded story, we'll get through it. I'll put Prof. Dr. Robert J. Catman, Esq., P.I. in charge of updates.