Forced to choose: my son or my military career.

I am forced to choose custody of my son or my career.

I've been in the military for 12 years, since I was 17 years old. In May of 2023, while I was deployed, my ex-husband and I separated due to 'irreconcilable differences.' In August 2023, while I was in Iraq, I was sent photos and videos of my ex-husband at our home with another woman, from someone in the home. We lived with other family members, and both his mother and father kept this secret from me for months. My 6-year-old son at the time was still living in the home, and I had not yet moved out due to deployment. All my belongings were still inside the home, and my space and privacy were being violated. I expressed my concerns and was disregarded. When I returned home on October 14th, 2023, I retrieved my son. His father gave me full custody and opted in for only visitation (per an agreement for judgment that HE had notarized). I continued to pay for his car insurance, phone bill, and allowed him to utilize my vehicle for 5-10 months after our separation, even after considering the circumstances. Meanwhile, I provided 100% for our son.

My ex-husband and I had agreed that he would take leave from his job at Amazon before I left for deployment so that he could complete his GED. However, during this time, he used the money that I provided him to instead spend on his mistress. I was relieved from my duty early because he medically neglected our son, was physically aggressive, and left our son in his mother's care even after signing an agreement stating that he believed his mother was unstable. All of these, I have physical documentation of and turned into the court. Our son has autism, and because of these circumstances, this caused severe regression in both his speech and behavior, which was directly presented to me by both his therapist and his teacher.

We went to mediation and had a child custody agreement made on March 11th, 2024. I was granted sole physical custody while he was granted visitation every 1st and 3rd week. I filed for child support on March 12th, 2024, with DCSS, and in June, we had an arrangement where if he did not oppose my relocation to another state, then I would not pursue child support. He agreed; therefore, I closed my case with DCSS and upheld my end of our agreement.

On December 19th, 2024, I was put on orders and was given a date to PCS (Permanent Change of Station) to the East Coast as we currently live in California. I notified my ex, and he grew hostile and denied ever making any arrangement or agreement with me and threatened to file 'kidnapping charges' against me. I am currently on Title 10 orders and now have to fight him in court as he has plans to oppose my relocation request. This has put me in a terrible position where I am not only ordered to stay in the state of California because of his opposition, but I also have been put on orders. In order to fight him, an attorney I reached out to has requested a retainer of $8,000.

After speaking with the attorney, she explained that because of his opposition, I might lose custody and will have to follow orders and move without my son. I could file an Ex Parte and plead my case; however, it is a long process, and I am unknowledgeable and need proper representation in order to win. This is forcing me to choose between a career I've worked diligently for and my son. The obvious choice is my son, however, I'm still going to put up a fight.