Funeral services for Amber Householder

After a lifelong battle with a barrage of illnesses Amber made the impossible decision to stop all medical interventions and be enrolled into hospice on 3/4/24. Without the infusion and the medical interventions she was receiving her health quickly declined. She quickly developed electrolyte imbalance that lead to her not only losing the use of her limbs but also set off her small fiber neuropathy pain in all 4 limbs. She described it as they felt asleep but like they were on fire. No medication she was receiving could alleviate the pain until the hospice team asked her to try methadone. Now that’s a scary word at first and we were both apprehensive to accept but after another day of the agony she finally said ok. Luckily the treatment helped and her pain though not completely gone was finally managed after a grueling couple days of feeling like her limbs were on fire. Amber had two weeks of moderat comfort and we spent the entire time as a family; Amber,our son Collin, and myself doing anything and everything we could together with the limitation of her being bed bound still not able to use her arms or legs in any meaningful way. I will cherish those two weeks the rest of my life. She then started to sacum to her illnesses and malnourishment. Simple tasks became very difficult for her to understand. The next week I still spent every waking moment trying to engage her in anything to just have more precious moments and memories of the woman I’ve loved since I was 11 and she was 13. On 3/27/24 Amber would only be conscious a couple hours of the day at most. The comfort meds provided by hospice had to be increased gradually over the prior weeks and they did their job of keeping her comfortable both physically and mentally but they unfortunately cost you in the way they make the patient very sleepy. Amber and I agreed the payoff was worth it. The only two requests Amber had was no hospitals or facilities and as pain free of a death as possible. I honored those wishes until the end. As I knew her time was growing increasingly short I sent out a Facebook post and contacted all our family and friends to urge them to please come visit not only for their sake but for Ambers. She loves everyone in her life and was asking for people to please come see her before she wouldn’t be able to engage. On Sunday 3/29/24 one friend, her best friend from Age 6 answered that call. Tara is an amazing, kind, loving woman hopped on a plain the next day and was here on 3/30/24 for Amber. I can not explain the joy on Ambers face when she awoke to see Tara’s beautiful face looking back at her. I had not seen Amber smile like that in weeks and it brought me to tears. We spent the day together the 4 of us just sharing memories and amazing stories. Amber was so happy and filled with joy each time she woke from her many naps and continued to engage. Unfortunately the next day Amber’s health took a turn for the worse and she never regained full consciousness after that beautiful day. She would recognize us but wasn’t really able to engage in conversation and her lucid moments went from an hour or two at a time to a few minutes between the hours of sleeping. We still spent that day at Ambers bedside Tara, Collin, and I going thru old photo albums and still telling stories of our lives with Amber. She would wake every few hours and we would tend to her needs but we kept the conversation at her bedside awake or not trying to include her in everything that was happening. Even if she didn’t look awake we hoped she still heard and felt the love we were sharing. Tara was supposed to go home the next morning but when she went to check out and being the amazing woman she is she called the airline and asked for a later flight so she was supposed to leave at 11 pm that night . We spent the whole day with Amber unfortunately she had lost consciousness all together. But still we spent the day at her bedside talking to her. We knew she heard us by watching her facial expressions as she would lift her brow or split a half smile when we mentioned something funny. So we knew she heard us. Tara again could not bring herself to leave. Did I tell you she’s amazing? Well she is, I can not express how much I appreciated her at that moment she called the airline again and extended her stay one more night. We spent that night caring for Amber bathing her and again keeping the mood joyous and as upbeat as possible. The next day 4/2/24 Tara had to go home she didn’t have a choice. So she said her goodbyes and hugged amber repeatedly for the couple hours she had with her before leaving for the airport. I was sad and in a way terrified Tara had to leave. How was I going to keep it so upbeat by myself without her? We did our tearful goodbyes and Tara was off to the airport. That night Amber woke for the first time in two days and asked is Tara still here? I replied no baby she had to go home. Amber then replied sleepily I’m so glad she came I heard everything you both were talking about and even though I wasn’t talking it made me so happy! Then she quickly fell back asleep. That was the last time I heard my beautiful wife’s voice. Over the next 5 days I spent every minute I could at ambers bedside. Caring for her, talking to her, reading her body language to asses her medication needs, bathing her, rubbing her sore muscles as she was no longer moving. I spent the night reading our childhood silly letters we wrote each other that I had discovered in a box I found in her closet. On 3/8/24 the hospice social worker payed us a visit at 2 pm and the discussion came up about Amber’s strength and advocacy for her disease. I shared her trials and tribulations with him all at her bedside ensuring we spoke loud enough that she could hear. I shared the proclamation she had gotten signed by Oregon’s Governor at the time acknowledging Gastroparesis as a prominent disease in Oregon. The social worker left at 3:15 pm and right as he left I got a phone call. About 10 minutes into the call I had an odd sound in my earbud I was using at the time. A sound I have never heard I don’t want to call it a screech because it wasn’t unpleasant but that’s the best way to describe it. It lasted about 30 seconds. I asked the person on the other side if they had heard it but they hadn’t. I hung up with them at 3:33 and when I returned to Ambers bedside she was gone 3:30pm on 4/8/24. I felt so awful that the one time I was away from her side for more than a couple minutes she passed. Later the nurse reassured me that in most cases patients pass at those moments that they happen to be alone it happens most times according to the nurse. I do truly believe the noise in my earbud was Amber telling me she loved me and goodby for now. I know that was long and if you made it to the end I thank you! I feel it was such a beautiful end for her. I did everything to both honor her wishes and make her final moments as pleasant as I possibly could. She wished to be cremated and her ashes spread in a small river near cannon beach where there is a nature trail that leads to a rope bridge that walks over the river. Funds gained by this gofundme will go towards the cost of cremation, rental of a car or cars depending on how many friends and family can attend. After those costs if any is left over it will be used for our son Collin and my move to Utah. We need to be with other family now and after 19 years in our home it is time to move on. There are so many great memories in this house but unfortunately I lost both my father and my wife here as well. It is just too much to stay here any longer. I truly appreciate anyone who even took the time to read our story. Thank you so very much!