Help me get back to my home country

Hi, my name is Ariana.

A dear friend told me to start a fundraiser, as this can speed up the process and can potentially save my mind.

I could go on and tell you my whole life story, but it's very long and very sad, so I will try to make it as short as possible.

I grew up without parents. I had my grandfather and grandmother, but my grandpa passed away when I was only 8.

Never had the emotional support, nor the opportunities in life that I should have gotten as a kid or later as a teenager.

My grandmother did her best. She was and somewhat still is my guardian angel. I tried, and I wanted to end my life many times, but I’ve gotten a little brother when I was young. Since he "didn't have" a mother either, I had to be the one for him, so he kept me alive - he gave me a reason to live.

We grew up in a very abusive household. It wasn't easy, but we had each other.

I never had friends either - only one, but he passed away when I was 14. He was my best friend. Of course after that life became even harder. I was bullied at school, and at home by my stepmother, I was beaten, not taken care of... I could go on.

I obviously - and not surprisingly developed Borderline Personality Disorder. Didn't know it back then, so it was untreated, and I suffered a lot. I still do until this day.

Fast forward when I came to Denmark. I started making my music in 2018. I am an artist at the deepest part of my hearts, everything is art that I see, that I hear, that I feel. When I came to Denmark, I was escaping from home, because of my abusive stepmother.

I managed to come here, and on my own, alone, I built my own life. I had some little helps along the way from friends from abroad, from strangers (when I was homeless), but eventually my music saved me. It became my full time, and all I wanted is to hug people with my voice when they have no one else to hug. I still make music til this day, and I won't stop. My journey in Denmark was very hard. It traumatized me to my core, and now that I put my whole life together, I feel very strong - but being strong is really lonely.

I was hospitalized 2 times here because of my su*cide attempts. I was diagnosed (again) with Borderline Personality Disorder and many more. Life is hard like this. I feel everything on a different level. Sadness becomes depression, and happiness hurts too (if I'm ever able to feel it). I am also autistic (Kanner's Syndrome), so people might think I am a bit weird - but I swear I am trying my absolute best.

I was on therapy for 4 years, I was on medications for a while as well. It helped me understand my illness, and how I can "live" with it. But I wouldn't call this living. I would say, it's surviving.

Due to my disorder I wasn't able to make friends here. I don't really have anyone to call if I need anyone. When I break down, I sometimes call hotlines, thinking they might understand me. My boyfriend, my brothers, my grandmother, and that little amount of friends I have - are ALL there in Hungary. And I am stuck here, in Denmark - and this is the reason I am making this fundraiser. I want to move back to my home country, because my depression and loneliness has gotten so bad, that I am unable to function normally, and even though I work extremely hard, I can barely put some money away. I pay very high rent, and food is also pretty expensive here. But I am still putting money away to save up and move as soon as I can...

I don't know how long I can pull it off with my mental health. I feel extremely lonely here, I feel very s*icidal and this is my cry for help. I would've never done this. I wouldn't ever thought I'd need to do something like this. I feel embarrassed.

I am not expecting to have all the money on GoFundMe. I will stop the fundraiser as soon as my savings and the goal has met with the price I need to move back home.

Thank you so much for reading! I don't need you to donate much. Even $5 can help me to be closer to my dream of going home to be with the people who love me.

Much Love ❤️

Ariana & Cleo (Cleo is my cat, my only friend here.)

You can listen to my music here.