Gage Spex Recovery & Healing Future

Reality is not always as it seems. This is what I have been going thru and what I will be going thru moving forward:

I have already learned a lot through this process about taking care of myself, and being open to needing help. So here I am to ask for what I need, with openness to the love and support of family, friends and community. Thank you,

Incident:

On Friday night 4.14 I got really sick out of the blue, first cold really fast and then my chills and shiver turned into a my full torso shaking uncontrollably trying to catch my breath with my heart racing. I took my temp and had a 102 fever, and then went to Vom town. I had time before puking to take a covid test which was neg. After throwing up I felt like I was going to lose consciousness so we went to the ER.

I was in the ER overnight with a mild Sepsis, Elevated heart rate & 104/105 fever and some sort of bacterial or viral infection in my intestines (white blood count at 16,000). My blood was poisoning me. I was admitted to the hospital until my levels were back to normal and was released Sunday Afternoon. I was put on a no oral food or water diet only IV antibiotic etc drip. They ran seven million tests on me to try to figure out what was going on & if it was bacterial what the bacteria was/ where it came from. They were not able to narrow down the source of infection. I asked a lot of questions, and after getting more feedback after the hospital as well, it seems this was not alcohol related ( I had been days fully sober before getting sick) and also was not gay sex related. It is also not clear how long I have been sick for, but I feel like it has been since February if not longer.

After experiencing the hospital hell of being poked and prodded in every way. I have realized that I need to take this as a necessary shift to prioritize my health and recovery right now, I feel much better than I expected but I am still regaining my strenghth and energy and have to watch my heart rate _ I have new limits. I realized my part time health/ healing/ witchery lifestyle needs to become full time. I have been doing too many things at once: doing androgenizing hormones, working, and hustling for more jobs (while sick) has pushed my body to this point.

In order to shift this part time healing and self care journey into a full time experience,  I need help financially to have the time to go to the doctors appointments seek out more professional advice and guidance and to learn along the way about all these things that I need to shift and heal. To be able to eat healthily and to pay for basic expenses rent utilities etc. I also have not seen hospital bills but lets pray for Metro Plus to take care of it.

I want to make sure nothing is still going on by seeing some specialists, and want to make sure I don’t have long term damage from the sepsis. I feel like this also has to do with other healing work that I have been trying to do that I need to dive into further. I want to take this opportunity to learn more about healing and want to become reiki 1 and maybe 2 certified.

The money raised here will go to my recovery & healing process, food, rent, & getting real about the next chapter of my life. 10K would make this possible but 20K would go above and beyond, towards my future. I want to be clear that this money is for my personal growth, it does not have to do with The Spectrum/ Dreamhouse or a future space.

More in-depth background:

For months I have been walking around with a lot of suppressed ailments that weren't so severe that they were debilitating but that I thought were things I just needed to live with & work with.  Or thinking that I was being a Hypochondriac.

I was making excuses for some of the things I was experiencing, maybe some of it were side effects of the Raloxifene/ (androgenyzing hormone) I have been on. Maybe it was just me getting older? Or as Callen Lorde had said “probably just a UTI”.

I have been needing to put myself first for a while. With the Spectrum & Dreamhouse I was used to putting myself last ( I got used to working with injuries & ailments). Doing it all for the community.

While the pandemic had been a time of healing, it created its own traumas for all of us. Coming back we all had to go petal to the metal. The Spectrum did not have as many opportunities mostly due to not having the financial resources to start again.

This non stop survival hustle really pushed me past my limit. A lot of time I would be working other jobs and then when Friday would come along I would either be working a nightlife event, or going out to “work on working”.

My polarized lifestyle was not sustainable and even though it was partially healthcore that was not enough. I am glad I made it to the ER when I did.

Ive been living my adult life in a mindset of “I will make enough money and then I will be able to go to the specialized doctors and therapists that I want to work with.  I will make enough money and then I will be able  to do these healing trainings or workshops about xyz. Even: I will make enough money, and then I will travel back to Colombia where i was adopted from.

Yet in my 12 years in NYC I have not made it to that place financially, and while there have been times that have been more comfortable I never made enough $ for these types of specialized doctors/ healers or to put into travel. It’s been mostly just meeting my basic needs.

Just to be clear I know there have been rumors/ I do not have a trust fund/ I come from a household of public school teachers/ social workers. In this phase of my life post pandemic, I have been putting myself into debt, while I try to figure things out, living on foodstamps and working paycheck to paycheck.

I have some things on the horizon, that have been in the works, but I'm taking a different approach moving forward. Hosting parties still is manageable. I am also open to different types of less physical work (so please keep me in mind). If you see me out and about, I’m ok to talk about all of this to an extent, but please be mindful that I am not yet back at 100%.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this, I hope this account is helpful to people, as it was a Big lesson & reminder to myself, please "listen to your body”, this is the first time I am learning about these more subtle ailments, that can be really serious. I have always been extreme, if its not a full on accident/ blood/ guts/ surgery etc then I’m fine kind of person. Clearly I needed to learn from this. Trust your self to know your body. I wish I had really pushed about some of these things more with my doctors before It got to this point. Also thanks so much to my friends and family who have been there for me over this last week...