Gina's Journeys
Donation protected
Let's start at the beginning. THEN: I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011.
As a new "healer" at the time, I was filled with shame, not wanting anyone to know.
The only question I thought to ask myself was – “How do I want to die?”
After time and careful consideration, that question evolved into “How do I want to live?”
It was a precarious way to end up where I did. I obviously needed to take the backdoor into LIVING….choosing to live in a new way. I realized I wanted to help people in a more meaningful way.
The message whispering in my ear was to allow myself to fully experience love and life in a way that honored me to give AND receive.
I was also introduced to the importance of vulnerability, and the right to allow my needs be met while helping others around me.
The messages that were loud and clear were about "balance" and "self-love".
As a result, I ended the relationship I was in and expanded the way in which I helped those in my sphere of influence.
And I thought I was “done”.
I was recently invited to revisit the vulnerability, balance and self-love pieces.
I am opening my heart to this learning, which is coming to me in many forms…
NOW: A recent biopsy revealed a new type of breast cancer. As of today, there are two breast cancers is in my right breast:
· Invasive ductal carcinoma (where milk is produced).
· Ductal carcinoma IN-SITU (which is a unhealthy cell pattern).
After my personal experience, and the cancer losses I experienced in 2016, I thought I had closed the “cancer door”, however, I find myself back in the classroom with this teaching.
During my first experience, I was in deep fear of death. The difference in this second experience is that, while “inconvenient” and “expensive”, I "KNOW" I am going to live. And I realize I have more to understand and learn to “graduate”.
As a teacher, I want to share this unfoldment as I move through each phase of my learning.
I have so much to live for. After the deaths of those closest to me last year, I am embracing this opportunity to uncover and release the beliefs blocking me from wholeness. It is easy for me to be an advocate for others, but one of the hardest things for me to do, is reveal vulnerability and ask for help for myself.
That is what I am doing now.
The GOOD News: This cancer is not aggressive. It is HER-2 negative. And, preliminary MRI results reveal that this is not in the lymph nodes. (There will be another test during my surgery to confirm this assessment.)
OTHER News: At the very least, a unilateral mastectomy is required. Genetic testing will determine if I carry the BRCA gene. My surgeon advises a double mastectomy ONLY if this test result is positive, yet I’ve received contradicting expert advice regarding the preventive measure of a double mastectomy.
I am still processing this news.
I cry in the shower.
I stay strong for my 13-year-old Sun. As a Mother, I know how to put on a brave face. Given his traumatic experience with the cancer related deaths of his biological parents, I admit it is often hard to find the delicate balance between vulnerability, authenticity and strength.
The final piece I want to share right now is that I am moving through tremendous grief surrounding the loss of my breast/breasts.
The uncertainty of whether I carry the BRCA gene is terrifying, because not only do I have to think about my health, but the health of my biological daughter, Gianna, my four sisters and niece.
I am finding that my diagnosis is so far reaching. This process I am going through has rippled out to others and revealed so much about those around me... deepening some relationships, and drastically changing others.
The unexpected financial responsibilities are devistating, to say the least.
My goal is to stay with myself and my process.
I’ll cry when I need to cry, and trust God to carry me when I need to be carried.
I’ll remain in deep and unrelenting surrender. I’ll drop the shame and allow myself the space to be with myself in non-judgment.
All donations are appreciated.
Donations of $250 or more will be rewarded with a seat at my upcoming Lumin8 Charlotte event in September, featuring Debra Lynne Katz (be sure your donation includes your email address and name).
Thank you for for your support and being with me in this process.
I will keep you posted with my journey.
Organizer
Gina Spriggs
Organizer
Charlotte, NC