going sober for survivors

TW: sexual assault

I'm not going to bother with the usual run of sexual violence statistics; we already know that instances of sexual assault and rape are endemic. We already know that the proportion of women who've been subject to sexual violence in some form or another is alarmingly high. We already know that our judicial system fails the majority of survivors, the majority of the time.

Facts and figures aren't making a difference. But human stories might.

On the 4th of May 2022, I was assaulted in Leicester Square.

The events of that night have stayed with me, peppering the first few years of my adult life in London with depressive episodes.

Six months after the event I'd lost 10kg and many, many hours of sleep. Just two weeks into my first "big girl job" I had to take sick leave on account of how many working hours I spent uncontrollably crying in various public toilets.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

Like many (most) survivors of sexual assault, I received little to no formal support in the aftermath of my trauma. The police would call to provide updates on my case – which was (inevitably) closed, owing to "lack of evidence". All victim support resources I was given led to long hold times and dead ends.

I tried medication, I tried a short course of (online) talking therapy, I tried 'giving it time' (that alleged panacea), but the depression would return. In fact, it got worse – not better – over time, as the trauma I'd neglected to resolve festered. Eventually, in September last year, I suffered a depressive episode so severe I thought it might kill me.

It took a desperate phone call to 111 – 18 months after the incident – to get me access to the relevant resources and support.

If it weren't for the outpatient care I've since received from the Maudsley AND the infinite patience, generosity, kindness and general wonderfulness of my friends, I don't know where I would be.

My inability to access formal help after my trauma greatly exacerbated its effects. I felt utterly helpless, isolated and aggrieved by the failures of a system which is supposedly designed to help the most vulnerable among us.

With all that in mind, I wanted to use 'sober October' as an opportunity to help support survivors of sexual assault.

Who am I raising for?

All funds raised will be going directly to The Survivors Trust, an organisation that supports ALL survivors of sexual violence with counselling, support, helplines and advocacy services to help push for policy changes.

I hope that, in raising money for The Survivors Trust and by raising awareness through my story, I can ease the burden for survivors of SA across the UK.

You can find out more about The Survivors Trust here: https://thesurvivorstrust.org/our-work/

Okay, so, that's The Why.

HOW is my pledge to sobriety a worthy means of fundraising?

Anyone who knows me personally will know that I LOVE a pint and will never say no to a pub trip. By swapping pints of lager for pints of lime soda for 31 days, I will be embarking on the longest period of sobriety in my adult life. And I want to make sure I'm doing it for a good cause (as well as for the benefit of my liver).

So please, please (please) sponsor a party girl to be a sober girl, and – more importantly – support SA survivors across the UK.

LOVE YOU ALL ‍