Goodnight, Tona

After seven years of learning to be a dog, unfortunately Tona suddenly started losing weight and showing skin lesions. Blood tests and x-rays and scans came up empty and we all just assumed that she was anxious and being her strange self.

Unfortunately, she then dropped over a kilo in the space of 14 days, even while taking steroids and eating more.

Our vet did another ultrasound and discovered that she has several masses in her bowels.

It may be a contentious decision, but on the advice of the vet I am not pursuing chemotherapy because Tona is very frail, and doesn't deserve to be pushed through aggressive treatment. And surgery, even with preventative measures, stands a very real risk of causing the masses to seed and accelerate if they could even be removed.

I was given a weight, after which her body would start to shut down, and before she gets too close to that, I wish to allow her to go peacefully at her brightest point, rather than drag things out.

Right now she is fairly calm, but exhausted. She is happy and she is very much loved. But we may have weeks. We may have a month or two.

While pet insurance will cover Tona's steroid treatment, x-rays and the scans, it won't cover what comes at the end. Especially I want to give her the dignity of her being allowed to pass at home where she feels safest. Most importantly, it would allow her to be with her kitten Hux, who has always been a calming presence for Tona.

She was a rescue in early 2017 and the insurance will only pay back some of her adoption fee against euthanasia costs which leaves me with sweet FA to work with.

Cremation is also expensive if I want her back, and not a random sample of several animals done together.

I hate to be thinking about this while Tona's still alive, but I want to be able to offer her comfort on the way out.