Gotta get my kids back!

 Over the past 4 years, I've been subject to sleepless nights, crushing stress and depression over numerous factors in my life; the largest being that I haven't seen my children in 4 years. One of the biggest misconceptions in marriage is that guys get married thinking that things are going to stay the same and gals get married thinking things are going to change. That was definitely the case for me. I got off active duty from the Army in 1999 and started working for FATS or Firearms Training Systems. This is how I met my future (Ex) wife.  We got married after I got back from Iraq (National Guard) in 2004. In the three years we dated before; I learned that my wife has severe emotional problems. She also experienced a traumatic event at a younger age. Her emotional issues led to many fights between us. I suffer from PTSD but I sought and still receive help; she did not seek help or counseling for her issues. Our son was born in July 2005.  I was completely blown away at the tiny human I had helped create. It was just the three of us. I was working full time, my wife was as well and my parents were readily available to babysit their grandson. The months after our son was born and the following years was about the time the hospital ER visits by my wife started. I would try to go and have a night out with my friends or would have to work late and would repeatedly get a phone call from her saying she was in pain and needed to go to the ER.  I would suggest an Urgent Care or our primary doctor’s office but she insisted on the ER. This happened many times over the six years of our marriage. In 2007 we found out we were pregnant and my wife had developed kidney stones. Multiple hospital visits, a surgery to have a stint placed in her bladder for the kidney stones and visits to specialists racked up a hefty collection of medical bills. She was forced to quit her job to focus on her high risk pregnancy and became addicted to pain killers. It was hard for me to try and work full-time, take care of our son and my hospitalized wife, as well as mind the house and pay the bills. It was my duty as a father and husband. My parents and family helped care for the kids as well as helped financially.  Her parents were very capable of doing the same but chose not to.  Instead, they spoke poorly of my family, mostly about my mother.  I will admit that this was indeed one of the most stressful times of my life. At least the Army trained me as an Infantryman and I could revert to my training in combat. The stress placed on us during my wife’s pregnancy was unbearable for the both of us and our family. In October 2007 our daughter was born.  After accruing much debt due to the constant ER visits, out of network medical bills for my wife and doctor’s visits for my son (she also took him to the ER for multiple unnecessary visits), we had to file for bankruptcy.  This caused much stress on our marriage and arguments continued.  After trying for several years to make the marriage work, in 2010 amicably we decided to get a divorce. One of the worst days of my life was the day I left the house for good and realized I wouldn’t see my children every day. We started off with amicable intentions but that degraded.  Soon after I left, my wife decided to start provoking me on the phone whenever we would speak. She would use the kids as leverage against me and guilt me into doing extra favors and watching the kids when it was her designated time to have them.  This caused me to miss work as well as weekends I was scheduled for Military Drill, to the extent I almost got kicked out of the Army Reserve. I inadvertently found out through my son that my soon to be ex-wife was seeing someone. Our divorce was not yet finalized and this man had been in my kid’s lives for a while. I confronted her about it and she finally confirmed. She continued to use guilt trips and the kids against to spend time with this individual and quit her job to shift the majority of child support to me. I didn’t care at the time as I had a good job and would diligently pay support. I resolved myself to always take the high road and do my best to be the better person. In the divorce decree it states in the spirit of good parenting, each parent will basically not badmouth the other. (I’m paraphrasing here). Never once did I say a negative thing to my kids about their mother. Continually when picking my kids up for their weekends with me, they would echo the things their mother would say to paint me in a negative image. After many months, my ex broke off the relationship with this man due to finding out he was a former porn star and tried to discipline my children without her consent. Suddenly my ex was friendly towards me again and even went out of her way to apologize for treating my parents so poorly and for her parent’s lack of wanting be involved in our lives. In 2011 she met her second husband; they got married and he started fighting her battles for her. I kept trying to extend the olive branch to no avail. In February of 2013; I was laid off from my job of 13 years. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had no medical or dental insurance for the kids until I had to take my daughter to the ER one night for an earache and got a bill for $1200. I immediately enrolled my son in TriCare, my military health insurance but when I tried to enroll my daughter, she was not listed in DEERS (Defense Eligibility Enrollment System). I called their mother to get her social security information and she flipped out; inevitably I went and found it myself. I got my daughter into the system and had the coverage cards sent to their mother. She refused saying the cards stating she had the kids put on her husband’s policy.  I told her to keep the cards and to use them instead of her husband’s insurance. During the next year I went on multiple job interviews and had to move in with my parents.  The only income I had was from my Army Reserves which was not enough for child support and any kind of living expenses for myself.  During this time was when my ex started limiting the kid’s visits with me, stating that the kids needed to have their own rooms and not be in a room together. They were 8 and 6 years old. My parent’s home had two bedrooms and they kids could use and I was willing to sleep on the couch.  She stated that was not good enough and continued to limit my time with them. I obviously could not afford to go back to court to fight her and get my child support lowered but I completely emptied my 401k to continue to pay.  I finally got a new job but wasn’t able to fully pay my child support each month due to making significantly less than I made at my previous job. This was the start of my arrears balance. Because of this, my ex-wife would not let me see my children until I paid the full amount of child support. The arrears balance grew and around January of 2015; my ex decided she wanted to take me to court to get the money back from medical expenses which I found out she continued to use her husband’s insurance even after receiving insurance cards that I provided her. I had to pay roughly $6,000 dollars to get an attorney to defend myself. I had to report for my annual training with the military and I was basically calling my lawyer from the field. Around the same time, I discovered she was divorcing her second husband. Her new ex contacted me by phone and we talked for about 4 hours. He explained to me all the arguments they had and how she treated his kids from his previous marriage.  She left town with his kids and mine and left his kids with his ex-wife, who did not have custody.  She fled to Tampa Florida. All this time, she was trying to take me to court and filed a Rule Nisi in order to try and expedite the process to get the money. By this time, I had made multiple attempts to contact the kids and she wouldn’t answer the phone or let me contact them in anyway. My attorney fired back with a long list of interrogatories and items required for discovery. Ultimately she dropped the charges and disappeared. The last contact my attorney had with her was inquiring about the kids’ welfare and I was extremely worried about them.  Her attorney replied back stating “That’s privileged information”. They were made aware that she’s in contempt of the decree because of this. After this all communication between her, the kids and myself stopped. It wouldn’t be until October of 2016 that my daughter secretly made contact with me via email. I could barely contain myself as I cried tears of joy. She told me that her and her brother and their mother were living in St. Simons Island, GA with her mother’s parents. She also told me “Mommy doesn’t allow us to talk about you so this has to be a secret.” I told that it would be our secret. Eventually, my ex-wife discovered what she was doing and stopped it. My daughter then befriended me on Instagram and two separate Snapchat accounts, each one was eventually discovered and shut down by my ex-wife. I haven’t heard from or seen my children in three years. I miss them terribly. I continue to pay the support, it is garnished from my wages.  I’ve also continued to look for a second job which pays more but over this time, I have lost my license on several occasions due to my arrears balance. The State of Georgia’s laws regarding Child Support are circular and ridiculous. I understand that a deadbeat parent needs to be punished by losing their license but there are no systems in place to correct errors for a parent who is actively paying every month losing their license. This happening negates my ability to travel to work to make the money that I’m paying towards child support. Every time I called the Georgia Department of Child Support Services, I was treated like I was already a deadbeat dad or the person I spoke with would just tell me that everything is automated and there’s nothing they can do or would do. I want to see my kids. I have to persist and keep working so I can keep paying child support. I certainly hope it’s being used on them and my ex is not using it frivolously. The amount I put up to raise is to eradicate my arrears balance and get an attorney so that I can get my kids back or at the very least get to see them again.  I am a father who has joint custody and who is paying; I HAVE RIGHTS TOO!  I miss them. Their grandparents miss them. Their aunt and cousins miss them.  Thank you very much for you interest and for sticking with me through this brief tale.  Any amount is greatly appreciated and if you can’t pay, please say a prayer for me to be reunited with my children.   God Bless, Kyle K