Han's Top Surgery

Hi, guys! It's me, Han. It has been 1 year since I've started transitioning and I am honestly super blessed to have everyone in my life be so accepting and supportive of me. Nothing but smiles! Spring is approaching and I will be looking into top surgery.

For those of you who don't know, I am transgender. I was born as a female but I identify more as male. "More as," meaning I am non-binary. Non-binary gender describes any gender identity which does not fit the male and female binary. I prefer the pronouns of he/him.

Growing up, it has always been weird to me. Whenever I act a certain way or hold a genuine interest in something (like skateboarding or basketball,) I would somehow get shut down. I constantly heard, "girls are supposed to..." and "girl aren't supposed to..." or "only guys (can) do that." It baffled my mind. WHY?.. It never made sense to me how one's assigned gender by birth makes up what is morally right or wrong for them when the truth of the matter is that it's nobody's business what makes you happy. Sometimes it's something as ridiculous as colors. Like how guys can't associate with the color pink??? That blows my mind. It's... A... Color? But yeah, that is a whole nother can of worms. Growing up was tough. I was young and I felt like there was something wrong with me. I disliked myself and my self-esteem has always been low. I never felt comfortable in my own body and it disgusted me how people viewed me. Not that being a woman was disgusting, but society's expectations of me mixed with my own confusion made it really hard for me throughout my teenage years.

Once I was introduced to the transgender world, especially the subcategory of non-binary, everything made sense to me. I felt as though I lived my whole life with gray skin in a world where everyone is black and white. I was forced to be white or black and hated myself for feeling gray. But I found out that other people were gray as I was too! And they are beautiful! And they are good people with love, compassion, and inspiration in their lives! It's okay to be gray!!! It was the most liberating feeling ever! I was blessed enough to have found a therapist (Dr. Frock) and she really helped me on my journey in finding myself and helping me with getting my treatment. And the first people I've ever told that I was transgender to was my workplace. It was one of the best days of my life. I just cannot believe how lucky I am to get the protection and love that I do to this day. It's been a really optimistic and awesome ride.

I inject testosterone every 2 weeks and the progress has been awesome. I've never felt more like myself. I am active, motivated, happy, and secure! The only thing in the way are literally these boobs that I have. I have BOOBS! I wear a binder everywhere I go and it just... Sucks. You can't breathe. You can't wear certain things. You can't run around shirtless!!! It's a dream of mine... To just go to the beach shirtless and feel the sun on my chest... Jump into the water... Feel the breeze... To have my girl lay on my chest... I think about these moments all the time. I know the day will come! It's gonna be awesome.

Isn't funny how we take the smallest things for granted?

So yeah. I'm gonna get surgery to flatten my chest with a surgeon in Plano, TX. It's gonna cost me a lot. And I will be out of work for 6 weeks to recover. I'll take any help that I can get! The money will help me pay for the surgery and my many bills while I recover. Of course, I'm not expecting everything for free. I am also actively working and saving up for now as well. I've been supporting myself without health insurance (they don’t cover for this stuff) for the past year with this transition. If you feel like there are other campaigns that deserve more help, I totally understand and respect that. I'm not the only guy in that position so I totally trust your judgment and I appreciate that you have read this far. Happy new year! Thanks, guys!

ps. One more thing. I am. Super fucking proud to be transgender. There was a lot of confusion and self-doubt growing up, but I feel extremely lucky to have come across the enlightenment the way I have in this life. It's amazing to be a part of such a beautiful and badass group of unicorns. I wouldn't have it any other way. Just be who you want to be. Cheers.