help a black trans assault victim survive

11/16/2024 UPDATE

okay!

given the political & social climate that has been ramped up in severity over the past couple weeks, a few of my priorities have changed.

• a lot of my desperation to re-attend school was tied to my desperation for a new job— given my "difficulties" (very limited physical mobility, varying symptom severity, no guaranteed access to reliable + on-time transportation, limited shift availability) & the incredibly small size of the town, there aren't really many (or any) employers here willing to accommodate me outside of ones only open for University students.

however, i am putting all of that on hold. loan payments are no longer a priority.

• my therapy options here are still looking bleak. on top of this, my upcoming surgery has been deemed elective, and so i was told there is a long wait list and i will not receive an estimate for when i am getting it until "some time next year".

there is nothing else to be done for my autoimmune symptoms but wait around. and it's not like i can go somewhere else for a second opinion; there is only one hospital here, and the nearest major city is 6-8 hours away.

to bring it back around, saving up for therapy is no longer a top priority.

★ my new top priority is getting the fuck out of here.

i am a disabled, Black, & trans sexual assault victim in a rural red state, with the highest rates of sexual assault in the entire nation by far. i have experienced rampant racism here all my life and it has only been getting worse, i have experienced rampant transphobia here that is getting worse, i have experienced rampant sexual harassment and i know it's not going to get better, and there is little to provide help, insulation, or comfort. we just elected a new governor that ran on his full support of Donald Trump, who of course was also the most popular presidential candidate here.

i am traumatized, i am scared, and there is nothing for me here. i don't want to be trapped while conditions continue to worsen.

i need to start saving up to leave.

for moving expenses, the cost of putting down rent money somewhere, & crucial necessities along the way. leaving is also a daunting, scary thought, & exhausting process, but i need to.

i have to try.

the goal of the campaign has been adjusted from $6,500 to $9,000 to accommodate all of this. i don't expect to meet either, really, but on the off-chance that i pass the milestone of the first, some additional wiggle room is critical.

any contributions or sharing around is very, very appreciated, and i am very grateful for the help i have already received. i hope that you reading this, wherever you are, might also find comfort & safety soon.

---------------------------

10/14/2024 UPDATE

hello!

first, i am grateful beyond words for those who have given to this fund (especially those who have given more than once, which is unbelievably kind). i will never be able to adequately express what it has meant to me to receive support after all of this shit that's happened to me, and what it's done to mend some of my fears about vulnerability and community.

• in good news, a healthy amount of my academic debts have been cleared (around 1/4th!) with the money i have received so far. though my sky-high dream was to re-attend school this last Fall semester, which unfortunately wasn't possible with the debt i have remaining, i am not at all upset by the progress that has been made. just a few months ago, it was unthinkable to me that i would even be closer to my goal at all.

• i am also the proud owner of more than just a single pair of pants and a stained set of PJs, which has definitely overall improved my mental health an appreciable amount. it is now possible for me to leave the house and be presentable for work, as well as job interviews, among other important executive tasks (going to the courthouse, DMV, etc). i think it's easy to underestimate how much having usable clothes matters for one's well-being. i certainly do cherish the ability i now have to go outside and not feel intense shame clinging to me more than it already does for other reasons.

• the money going towards transit carried me through the summer, which was vital to me being able to go anywhere at all.

the less-fortunate news is that i am still in need for the other factors, and some new issues, which have been plaguing me...

★ with how much i am going to medical appointments to treat my autoimmune disease, even with my affordable co-pays, the costs still build. i will need to get my third surgery in the span of a year soon, though hopefully my last one for a long time.

★ i still need money for student loan payments (i wasn't able to pay this past deadline at the beginning of October), and bus transit.

★ therapy is a more distant goal, but sorely-needed; my efforts, and the efforts of my last PCP in search of affordable, trans-friendly, and trauma-focused treatment, have turned up nothing. September was a very hard month for me mentally, it always is, and the very dark place i have been in for a while has followed me into the present despite the wins of this past summer.

★ i still make only pennies, though am getting increasingly desperate to leave my job because the abusive environment on top of that is unbearable. my last paycheck was $25.

i have been away for some time already due to illness first, and then an acute autoimmune-induced period of myopathy that began to transition into rhabdomyolysis (muscle death). this rendered me unable to get out of bed most days with the resulting intense pain and fatigue, and i am still feeling the effects of it.

★ i don't really have any cash flow coming in, and the fact that i am struggling to find jobs which i am even capable of doing at all, on top of my impending surgery, has me afraid that this might be the case for a long while yet.

...

if you've read this far, i wish nothing but happiness upon you, even if you don't give anything to the fund. everything helps, and that includes time. reading and sharing around and even just sending any positive thoughts my way are all immensely appreciated.

thank you.

---------------------------

6/17/2024

hello. my name is Elijah, and i am a 23 years old Black nonbinary (aspiring) anthropology student. about a year and a half ago, my relationship with someone who had been abusing and sexually assaulting me for 4 years was broken off. due to the precarious housing situation i then found myself in, i stopped going to classes and have since accrued a debt of a few thousand dollars for [I]ncomplete and [W]ithdrawn grades. i make pennies at my current job and am trying to look for another [that can accommodate my physical disabilities & autoimmune disease], but would like to go back to classes this fall too. the DIRE need for clothes (i have essentially one functional pair of pants that fit me left and often just wear my PJs out) and even bus fares weigh heavier on me still, as to leave the house just twice a week by bus is $6 per week. cheaper than gas, yeah, but i couldn't afford a car anyway, and can barely afford the thought of taking on even just one more day a week and bringing the cost up to $9 or more.

any extra money would quite likely go to paying for a therapist that specializes in helping victims of sexual assault, which i doubt will be covered by Medicaid, as only an incredibly minuscule amount of more generally-oriented providers are covered here as is. i am a little tired of fighting without knowing what i'm even working towards or how to get there, so i supposed at this point it's time to suck it up and realize i need professional help. even though it feels pointless, and it feels like i am isolated with no chance at community support here, i have to keep trying. i just need an opportunity to even be able to begin to seek direction. i want to feel in control of my life and my body again.

my ultimate goal is to get back to classes and get a new job that will help me start and continue to support myself in these key ways— and to ease the strain on my roommate and friend, who has incredibly graciously been financially supporting me for a year now. anything helps, even just sharing around, i am grateful beyond expression for it all.

----

((not relevant to "the cause", but i will not neglect credit; the drawn avatar of myself used for this campaign is art by @fuzeniaa on twitter/X))