Help Angela Escape Abuse and Find Safety

A friend reached out to me recently asking for advice on how to help their estranged mother Angela, a disabled woman in her 60s now on the run from her husband whose threats to kill her have reached a crisis point. For her safety, we can’t show any images of her or use her real name as this may help him find her.

Last month, Angela was finally able to run away from her abusive husband and has been living in hiding waiting for space to open up in a shelter in her area. Unfortunately, all the shelters are full and so she has been sleeping rough, something very hard for a woman of her age and with her current medical issues. She needs financial support for legal fees and to help tide her over until community services become available in her area.

Angela’s husband (we’ll call him Stan) has been abusive for most of their marriage, and it cost Angela everything. Initially, he seemed like a knight in shining armor. Her first marriage was one marked by violence directed at both of them, and it was fear for the safety of herself and her young child that drove her to finally leave him. Stan seemed like a godsend. He had a steady job, he was nice to them both, and he was willing to offer care, support, love to a young single mother desperate for love and security and to welcome her child along with her. Things were great for a while; Stan took charge of everything and suddenly Angela didn’t have to live in fear or worry about anything because Stan would take care of it. He accepted her, her past, and her mental health struggles, but underneath a carefully constructed veneer of loving support lurked a hideous monster.

Stan was using Angela’s PTSD and her mental health issues as a means of control. Here he had the perfect victims, a woman who struggled to care for herself, someone constantly fighting mental illness that challenged her ability to cope with reality, someone who had no idea what a healthy, loving relationship looked like, and someone who came with a young daughter who was too young to fight him off when he came for her in the night. Angela’s daughter was able to escape that home, but Angela couldn’t. Stan controlled her medication, her finances, the tiniest details of her everyday life, and to her shattered sense of self-worth, he didn’t beat her, he provided for her, and her daughter was at least out of that house, even if it came at the cost of their relationship. This continued on for years, until things started to change. Angela’s health started getting worse and she developed disabilities that we can’t list here as they would identify her. Suddenly Stan started refusing to take her to her medical appointments and refilling her prescriptions, and as both her mental and physical health declined, this started getting worse. He became verbally abusive, constantly berating her, which eventually started escalating until Stand began threatening to kill her and she started fearing for her life again. Later conversations have revealed how insidious his prolonged treatment of her was behind closed doors, something I’m not sure she’s fully come to terms with yet.

Finally, Angela had the moment of lucidity she so desperately needed. She started secretly moving treasured possessions out of the home while Stan was at work, hiding them away in a place where he couldn’t find them. She also started trying to save whatever money she could to build up an emergency fund so that she could run away. And then it happened, and Stan snapped. It was in that moment that Angela realized that this was her last chance, if she didn’t leave then on her own two feet the only way she’d make it out was in a body bag. The next day while Stan was at work she was able to make her escape. Unfortunately, there was no shelter space available in her county and so Angela has been living rough, waiting for space to open up.

Not knowing how long her tenuous grasp of freedom could last, Angela reached out to her estranged child to let them know she had finally left and to try and have some kind of a relationship. And this bring us to where Angela is now: disabled, homeless, on the run from her abusive husband, in need of medical care, and needing to file for divorce so she can sever all ties with him. She has reached out to all the available social support services in her area, but the system is overwhelmed and there currently isn’t a lot available for her in her county.

After working through the finer details, Angela needs at least $3,000 to get the legal support she needs, to pay the fees for her storage rental, help her relocate to a safer area far away from him, to find and put down deposits for more stable housing, and to help her out with medical care and support since she no longer has access to insurance. This money will also be used for sundry items like food and public transportation since she legally can’t drive right now. All of these are time-sensitive and especially complicated considering her age and circumstances.

We’re posting this on Angela’s behalf with her consent as we know Stan is looking for her and she fears for her life if he were to find her.