Help Archie raise money towards top surgery

Hello,

Deep breaths - lets do this........

I’m not sure how best to do this, and as much as I loathe to do this via social media, I don’t know how else to do it, there is no protocol for this and the advice is very much geared at much younger people then myself. So here I am on Facebook/Insta/Twitter saying hello I’m coming out, my name is Archie and I identify as he/him.

For the handful of people who already know about this, none of them have been particularly shocked by this revelation. I have come on a really long journey to be able to be saying this today. I could have just written the above paragraph and left it at that, but I feel that I would like to share my story with you and why it has taken me so long to be in the place I am today.

From probably the age of 12/13 I knew I was “off key” and a little different to my peers but I didn’t understand what these feels were, also had a fantastic but rather sheltered upbringing/schooling. I learnt about LGBTQ+ when I went to uni at 19 and had a bit of a light bulb moment about what being Transgender was. Unfortunately, I thought these feelings at the time were very wrong. Through a Google search I very quickly found a free group for people who are gay or feeling confused about their gender and naively I went and continued to go for nearly 1.5 years (around 2011). Later I found out a name for what this was - Conversion Therapy. I do not want to get into too many details about this but I learnt to hate myself, to think there was something wrong with me, to dress in a feminine way (I would wear solely dresses and skirts) and that if people knew about my true nature I would be ostracised, disowned, never get a job. I resigned myself to a life of no relationships and to accept who I was and that my thoughts were wrong and to hide them away.

This held for quite a few years and then in 2016 when I was living in Paris and had quite a lot of spare time, things started to slip a bit and I started to question who I was again. When I returned in 2017 I went to my GP and asked to be put on the Gender Clinic waiting list, I felt ready. My GP however, did not and I went through a battery of hormone testing before he agreed to the referral. Job done I thought, I have made a big step, I will be seen by a specialist and be guided on how to deal with all of this, for those of you who know (which I didn’t at the time), this was never going to happen. From the latest freedom of information request, The Exeter Laurels Gender Clinic has a 1200 year waiting list (no I’m not mistyping that), they have not seen any new patients who have been referred since 2018. I stood no chance.

Whilst I was waiting, I started to dress how I felt more comfortable and cut my hair. I felt a little more confident doing this. I continued waiting and waiting and then COVID hit. My time working in COVID was unbelievably tough, for those of you who worked with me for a shift or two you know what it was like, I will not be going into detail about this at this time, but I will say it changed me and left me with burnout and PTSD. During my days off COVID for Waves 2 and 3 I was on my own in hospital accommodation, I dreaded my days off (hello symptom of burnout I didn’t recognise), but it did give me time to think and with the unprecedented levels of death I was dealing with on a daily basis I felt enough is enough. Life is too short, I need to actually start living my life and being the person I want to be.

I started to look at private options, both through the London Harley Street Transgender Clinic and Gender GP. It was such a relief to talk to understanding professionals. The press at the moment are under some illusion that they are giving out hormone therapy treatment (HRT) like sweets. I can categorically say that this is not true, it took me two years to be approved and get hold of HRT in the private sector, seeing and talking to multiple people professionals. I feel very satisfied that it is appropriately monitored, the consent with risks/benefits is extensive. Also its horrifyingly expensive this process, who needs a holiday folks when you need to pay for your healthcare! I planning on starting testosterone on Monday 23rd Jan, I currently have the HRT gel sitting waiting.

My name - Archie Miles Morozow same initials as before - AM. I am not precious about people forgetting or calling me the wrong name or taking a while to adjust - we are all human and I understand. I am not someone who thinks their former name is their “dead name”. I’m proud of what I have achieved over my life (volunteering/education/work). A lot of my fears that were ingrained on me about being ostracised, disowned etc have really not come true, and I’m really lucky where the people who know have been largely very supportive. Also if your getting to the end of this essay (thank you!) and your probably wondering why I’m being so candid about all of this. Its for two reasons really, firstly I have never been able to be public with my experiences of conversion therapy (I have given evidence anonymously), the other thing is that there is so much negatively around transgender people at the moment and a lot of the anti-gay propaganda is being rehashed into anti-transgender propaganda. I wanted to see hello I’m human. I am no threat to anyone, I’m not looking for any pity party about my experiences, they have made me who I am and this coming out has been a long time coming, its just taken a while for me to get where I am today.

If you have a spare penny or two I’ve got a little fundraiser going for top surgery and ongoing hormone treatment. It is all very expensive and I’m not likely to get near the top of the NHS waiting list anytime soon and any little will really help.

Thank you so much for reading to the end of this. This is such a big moment in my life to finally speak about this. I don’t think I have been living my life until now and I’m excited about the future. I’m still me, just going to be a little bit more me.

Archie :)