Help Ary Heal after Surviving Domestic Violence

Hello, my name is Noel (Ary) and I am creating this fundraiser at the request of friends and chosen family to assist me in getting through the next few months of life during an unexpected crisis.

In April of 2019, I married who I thought was my soulmate and fully expected to grow old with after dating him since 2017. Although he had had arrests and problems with substances in the past, he had given me the indication that he had turned his life around and done work to get healthier. I am sober and have consistently stayed in therapy during our entire relationship even paying for months of couples counseling and helping him find individual therapists but he wouldn’t stick with them. Unfortunately, a lot of unresolved trauma including from service in the Army (a tour in Afghanistan) was exacerbated during the pandemic and he chose once again to turn to alcohol and drugs instead of therapy and a recovery program. I wanted to help, and did everything I possibly could to get him to accept help. However, in the end, he chose drugs and alcohol over being with me. It got to the point where he threatened my physical safety as well as began mistreating/neglecting our dogs and cat and even destroyed highly sentimental items of mine once I had escaped to safety as well as personal affects like clothing and bedding. The pain of hearing the person you love repeatedly tell you they hate you when you’ve done nothing but be there for them and offer them love is beyond devastating and not able to be put adequately into words.

This fundraiser will be used for trauma therapy sessions, pet care, a couple of months of rent while things are sorted out, a small portion of my legal expenses for protecting myself, replacing household items and clothing, and a small self-care each month for the next six months such as a special dinner or a massage. Since I don’t want to carry this trauma, my healing and creating the ability to let go and move forward as I hold space for the feelings is very important to me recovering from this experience.

While some people may have family of origin to help them during this time, that is not the case for me for various reasons. Please share and donate as you are able. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and support.