Help Arya leave her toxic situation
Donation protected
Hello,
My name is Arya. I grew up in a very nice suburban area in the southern parts of the United States. I am extremely grateful that I lived a better life than most and I am sorry for anyone else who lived in worse conditions. With this being said pain has no comparison and there is no competition upon anyone living. I did not have a supportive father he was a self absorbed person and continues this behavior. I believe he now has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). My brothers and I would live our days learning to do bare minimum teachings from him and we would go out of our way to seek his approval. My mother suffered by adapting and copying some of his traits. She also possessed toxic controlling behavior due to her own childhood. My brothers and I were never allowed to express ourselves in front of family. Showing affection was not normalized and I felt alone most of my life by keeping all of my feelings to myself. I remember I was depressed throughout high school and I told my aunt about my problems. My aunt expressed my issues to my mother and immediately sent me therapy. When this occurred I realized I could never open up to anyone in my family. The amount of abuse I suffered throughout my life was mental, verbal, and spiritual abuse. This caused me to become extremely attracted to Narcissistic,Toxic, Bare Minimum,Emotionally Abusive male partners. To this day I find myself weeping and wishing I had the mother and father I desired. I constantly glimpse at families with supportive parents. Social media presents black healthy families to me on platforms. I watch anime often and when a true mother role is introduced I desire to percieve them as my own mother(Ryouko Fueguchi) specifically. She constantly protected her daughter with all of her heart while accepting her perspective and feelings. For now I’ve realized the only person who can heal my childhood trauma is myself. Not these trashy males I run into, nor my family, and not my friends. Nevertheless, I’ve been stuck into a controlled state since I graduated high school. I only adhered to bare minimum behavior such as attending college. I decided to change and set boundaries. Currently I reside in deep debt and I struggle to make certain ends meet. I’m trying so hard to fight but I still don’t feel in the correct place. In a few months I want to leave this toxic area and find a home for myself. A home that I can come to and not dread the feeling of entering. A home where I can smile, be full of peace, and clean. A home where I can feel love, Yah’s presence, feel accepted, and obtain my belongings. I’m don’t desire to ask for much but being around my family is not butchering my growth. I’m sick of my kin guilt tripping, shaming, and gaslighting me. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t perform correct because to them everything is wrong. I want to move forward in life they are not doing anything but being a burden to me. They simply can not grasp the concept of boundaries and talking isn’t causing improvement. I appreciate you all for accepting my decision , my journey to heal, and to be the strongest doll you may ever viewed. Thank you for your understanding and your support.
My name is Arya. I grew up in a very nice suburban area in the southern parts of the United States. I am extremely grateful that I lived a better life than most and I am sorry for anyone else who lived in worse conditions. With this being said pain has no comparison and there is no competition upon anyone living. I did not have a supportive father he was a self absorbed person and continues this behavior. I believe he now has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). My brothers and I would live our days learning to do bare minimum teachings from him and we would go out of our way to seek his approval. My mother suffered by adapting and copying some of his traits. She also possessed toxic controlling behavior due to her own childhood. My brothers and I were never allowed to express ourselves in front of family. Showing affection was not normalized and I felt alone most of my life by keeping all of my feelings to myself. I remember I was depressed throughout high school and I told my aunt about my problems. My aunt expressed my issues to my mother and immediately sent me therapy. When this occurred I realized I could never open up to anyone in my family. The amount of abuse I suffered throughout my life was mental, verbal, and spiritual abuse. This caused me to become extremely attracted to Narcissistic,Toxic, Bare Minimum,Emotionally Abusive male partners. To this day I find myself weeping and wishing I had the mother and father I desired. I constantly glimpse at families with supportive parents. Social media presents black healthy families to me on platforms. I watch anime often and when a true mother role is introduced I desire to percieve them as my own mother(Ryouko Fueguchi) specifically. She constantly protected her daughter with all of her heart while accepting her perspective and feelings. For now I’ve realized the only person who can heal my childhood trauma is myself. Not these trashy males I run into, nor my family, and not my friends. Nevertheless, I’ve been stuck into a controlled state since I graduated high school. I only adhered to bare minimum behavior such as attending college. I decided to change and set boundaries. Currently I reside in deep debt and I struggle to make certain ends meet. I’m trying so hard to fight but I still don’t feel in the correct place. In a few months I want to leave this toxic area and find a home for myself. A home that I can come to and not dread the feeling of entering. A home where I can smile, be full of peace, and clean. A home where I can feel love, Yah’s presence, feel accepted, and obtain my belongings. I’m don’t desire to ask for much but being around my family is not butchering my growth. I’m sick of my kin guilt tripping, shaming, and gaslighting me. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t perform correct because to them everything is wrong. I want to move forward in life they are not doing anything but being a burden to me. They simply can not grasp the concept of boundaries and talking isn’t causing improvement. I appreciate you all for accepting my decision , my journey to heal, and to be the strongest doll you may ever viewed. Thank you for your understanding and your support.
Sincerely,
Arya
Organizer
Sky Marie
Organizer
Dallas, TX