Help Becca Reclaim Her Life in Anorexia Recovery

Hey friends! My name is Becca Doss, I’m 35, have been married to my husband, Roger, for 12 years, and have dealt with complex chronic illness for the better part of a decade, and an eating disorder for 20+ years. If you’re taking a moment to read this, I’m already grateful for you.

I am currently in a position where I’m trying to navigate recovery from a pretty severe relapse of anorexia nervosa, for the first time in a decade, and for hopefully the last time EVER, after being blindsided by this relapse in fall of 2021. I was hesitant to create this, simply because I feel undeserving, but I’ve had multiple people tell me they would like to support me in any way they can, and they’ve urged me to go for it to try to save my life. So I’m taking my shot.

It came about as a result of a lot of my underlying complex chronic illnesses leading me to unintentionally lose weight I could not afford to lose. Once we realized what was happening, the switch in my brain was flipped, and I found myself in the very uncomfortable position of having to admit, to myself and my husband, Roger, that I needed professional help.

For a summary of my illnesses that exponentially complicate treatment and recovery:

I have Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that causes a wide variety of symptoms, body wide, since connective tissue is everywhere. This is a major contributor to much of my chronic pain and joint issues over the years, and is also the main reason I had to have a surgical feeding tube placed in 2017, because it’s affected my GI tract, resulting in gastroparesis and malabsorption issues.

I also have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, an immunological condition that affects every area of my life. It severely limits my food options, which is vital, but also very difficult in recovery. Along with POTS/Dysautonomia and neurological damage caused by Lyme disease, I’m allergic/reactive to just about every external stimulus.

We make every household product from scratch because fragrance, dyes, and other chemicals and smells in general (even essential oils, the smell of hot food, other natural things), I rarely leave the house because I can’t predict if any other location or people on around will have clothing that smells like detergent, or hair products, sunscreen, perfumes, etc. will trigger a reaction. It also means that, in addition to my feeding tube formula, I have to order extremely specialized allergen-free food, which gets pricey, fast.

Roger has had to go without most hot foods in our house for a few years because even the smell of our appliances triggers an allergic response. A lot is coming out about MCAS in connection with restrictive EDs, but it’s new research so there is still no treatment facility that is equipped even just for MCAS. However, the more likely I am to be able to weight restore, the more likely we can manage the MCAS.

I also have a host of related conditions related to the above, or exacerbated by them, such as trigeminal and occipital neuralgia, craniocervical instability, chronic daily migraines (and a headache that hasn’t gone away for a single day since January 20, 2013), Small Fiber Neuropathy, widespread joint pain, subluxations, and inflammation, osteoporosis, central sensitization (my nervous system interprets innocuous stimuli as painful, and things like lawnmower noise send me to sensory overload in a very physically painful way), and others I won’t post for the sake of space, but the list gets quite long. And it includes other mental health issues such as OCD, depression, anxiety.

I worked hard to find a good outpatient team to work with virtually, since travel is not an option for me, and there is no treatment center in this country who is able to handle my current medical issues/needs. I had a therapist I started with for other things a few months prior, and I ended up finding a dietitian and an ED Recovery Coach, to help me with the day to day practicality of navigating recovery as an adult, at home.

The first few months I was working with them, I very quickly started hearing them say I needed a higher level of care (inpatient and residential) to start this off safely, on the right foot, and be able to work with an outpatient team once I had gone through treatment and a good amount of nutritional rehabilitation/weight restoration.

Unfortunately, there is only one place in this country who could have managed even some of my chronic illnesses, and that facility was off the table due to logistical red tape.

After a stay at a local hospital, which was nowhere near what I needed, but what I could get, it was back to my inpatient team.

I have worked harder at this than anything I’ve ever worked at in my life for nearly 2 years now, but we have hit roadblock after roadblock, all due to factors outside our control, and it’s led to me being nowhere near where I thought I’d be at this point.

Despite having some support from other sources for a good portion of this time, that support is running out within the next few months. And since few of these professionals are covered by insurance, the reality is I will lose the team I have worked so hard to get established (explanation below of how it took this long to get a stable team) before it’s safe for me to go without care/treatment.

I know from years of experience, a few months is nowhere near long enough to get me to a place where I am physically and mentally stable stable enough to do the rest on my own without spiraling harder than before.

I wanted to give the backstory above so you can know the WHY, and see how determined I am to make this recovery attempt the last, and reclaim my life from this disorder that’s now stolen over 2 decades, and has led to me having full-blown osteoporosis at age 34–the one physical complication that is now totally irreversible. It’s now or never, and I’d really prefer it to be now, so I can move on in the life I was created to live, and so my husband can have his wife back.

Here is an overview of how I got to be with current team:

Throughout the past 2ish years, I have had a few therapists that haven’t panned out due to a lack of understanding or ability to adapt to my specific needs. This left me hopeless and triggered many abandonment issues, causing my progress to stall every time. I now have a team who seems to understand me and truly want me to succeed and meet me where I am.

I’m fortunate enough to currently have a medical doctor on board who specializes in eating disorders alongside MCAS and my other specific chronic illnesses, but I will also be losing her due to financial reasons at the end of this year. I’m already panicked about that loss because she’s the only doctor who’s ever truly “gotten” it.

I recently started working with a therapist who, thus far, has been a game changer. She uses a different approach than I’ve ever had before, and she is actively listening and adapting things as she knows they will fit my needs, and in just 3 sessions has helped me get to some deep stuff others haven’t in the past 20+ years. But she is also not covered by insurance, and we can only really afford sessions for a few months, as of now.

My recovery coach has been a blessing this whole time, because even when everything else has been up in the air, she’s been willing to help in any way she can, and I owe her my life, honestly. But we will also not be able to afford her services in a few months, and facing that reality is keeping me stuck in panic, paralysis, and terror mode, so we’re also not making the progress we would be if I knew I had more time.

The dietitian I’ve had since May 2022 has likewise been wonderful, and while we will have to take a temporary (hopefully brief) pause in care, she is an invaluable part of my team, but also someone I won’t be able to keep on board once the next few months are over.

Amidst all these outpatient ED treatment provider costs (RD, coach, MD, therapist, psychiatrist), I have my list of doctors I have to see regularly to manage my other health issues, and have to get routine things like feeding tube exchanges done every few months, cover the cost of the formula itself, get lab work drawn every 2 weeks, keep up with ordering and taking a long list of prescription medications and supplements just to keep my baseline somewhat functional, and many other costs that arise related to medical treatments and devices.

To put it bluntly: we are simply in a position where, after this year is over, we will not be able to afford a fraction of the care I need to make this recovery attempt successful, and the last attempt I ever have to make. This is extremely discouraging and stressful news when I have just gotten a stable team, including a helpful therapist, on board and the past month and a half.

I’m terrified of not being able to see them for an adequate amount of time to make necessary progress, and not being equipped to avoid a major spiral backwards next year, and I want to do everything I can to NOT let that happen.

I have no doubt if I had my current team as-is (including with my new therapist who has already proven to be the best, most helpful therapist I’ve had in 2+ decades of many therapists) I would likely be in a much different position than I currently am.

Instead, as soon as I felt like I had stability with a solid, comprehensive team on the outpatient level, I was struck with paralyzing terror of losing that care, and the uncertainty is making it very hard to make progress.

If I am able to plan on continuing to see my current team for an additional [4-6 months], I’m confident I will have an actual chance at FINALLY kicking this disorder to the curb, despite not having access to the higher level of care I needed in 2021.

This comprehensive outpatient team is my best chance to get my life back, my personality back, and to give Roger his WIFE back. It’s been a really difficult two years, and I’m really hoping to be able to receive this care so I can break free from this life-stealing disorder, and finally thrive in life. I want Becca back. We all do. We just need some help to make that happen.

To be able to see my current team for an additional 4-6 months, we would need to raise: $8000-12000

The monthly cost of working with my current team is: $2000.

That includes:

If you feel led to help or contribute in any way, no amount is too small–every single bit helps me afford the lifesaving care that can help me finally get over this disorder once and for all and get BECCA back, and I will literally owe you my life and gratitude, forever.

All funds raised here will go directly toward treatment costs, and I want each and every one of you to know I have every intention of succeeding, and while I’m terrified, I am committing to do every single thing I can to commit to going through this process, to restore my weight, nutritional status, health, personality, and so much more.

I will not let this opportunity go to waste, especially not now that I have a solid team and am finally seeing progress in therapy, which should also help across the board.

A phrase I used in the very first session with my coach nearly 2 years ago, when she asked me how I felt about embarking on this journey, was “Freaked out, but determined.” I can confirm that statement still rings true.

I am possibly more freaked out than ever before, but as a result, I’m also the most determined I’ve ever been to make this work, once and for all, and live a life of freedom.