Help Braden Chapman Mimi Imfurst

I don't even know where to begin, but if you able please take a moment to read my story. Many people have reached out to me- wanting to know whats going on. I've been reluctant to share. I know I need help, but I also know people need it more than me. That is a symptom of all of this, how little I think of myself. After talking with a few people someone who has been checking on me, convinced me to speak up for myself, so here I am. And now you will know what I'm going through.

I've recently been suffering through the most paralyzing depression of my life. The pandemic set into course a motion of whirlwinds and I find myself unable to function at times and in dire need to help. This is difficult for me, I am filled with embarrassment and humility as I write this. I would not be doing this if I did not have any other option.

I have been out of work since last year, I was receiving unemployment which was helpful, but in January when the unemployment benefits switched to the new law passed my congress my account went into review. The department of labor is so backlogged they're taking forever to process payments and my claim is lost somewhere in the shuffle. Im waiting, but have not had any luck so far. It just says "in progress." I've attached a screen shot here at the end.

I've even attempted to contact my local representatives office but they have not had luck either moving the ball forward. The system is just that backlogged. It's infuriating. I've been living off of Savings the last few months, I dont think anyone expected this to go on this long. The well has run completely dry and I am in a very scary place.

In may, I sold off a major business asset. The person buying the asset signed a contract and arranged to make payment for it, but has never made a payment to date. They have the business asset and I have nothing but empty promises and a dwindling back account that put me in a very scary place. This is not the first time that I've been screwed years ago I was screwed out of RuPaul's Drag Race Battle of the Seasons. That was a show that I had created and produced. When PEG realized how much money they could make off of it, greed cut me out of the picture because they could book "more popular girls" and they left me high and dry. I never saw a penny of the shows profits. But they knew they could get away with it because they didnt respect me or think of me as human. Eventually you start to believe it.

Yesterday, my vehicle was repossessed because I could not afford payments on it. I've spent the last 24 hours trying to reason with my lender but they will not return a vehicle to me unless I pay the balance in full. I even offered to pay all the past due balance but they would not budge.

To add to entire mess, I am likely going to also lose my home unless I can come up with funds to bring my mortgage current. I'm terrified and it's affecting my mental health. I'm worried about being homeless again and it creates a mountain of trauma for me. I'm seeking to get help from a therapist.

Ive been suffering also through some medical help and I've had to juggle what little resources I've had to pick and choose what to pay for, and its just awful, and I'm not sleeping because my brain is going a million miles a minute with overwhelming depression and anxiety.

Its not the first time I've been in this dark place of my mental health. As many of you might know I was a homeless queer youth, I had to beg for food and resources and this feels a lot like that (but the grown up version).

I'm going to share something that I've held in for a very long time, very few people know about this because it is my most shameful moment.

What I'm about to say- I'm not going to identify the person by name. Call out culture sucks.  If the Producers want to come forward do discuss this, I will handle it with them.    In no way am I bashing them but I can't hold my truth in any longer.  This is not about taking them down.  This is about me being honest.  This is about me telling my story and beginning to heal.

About 10 years ago, I had come home from filming a TV show (that will remain nameless here). While on set a producer of the show told me to "go home and just kill yourself." When I came home, I had nothing. I had given up all my employment to film the show, and didn't have any luck regaining it when I returned. I had no money for even food. I had less than $100 to my name. I was living in a basement apartment, and it was a very scary moment. I decided to follow the producers advise and I attempted to take my own life.  It might seem silly but I wasn't in a good mental health place and nothing made sense.  Everything was upside down.  I spiraled.  I feel into the hole and there was no getting out.  I woke up a day and a half later after almost overdosing on pills that I had at home. I'm thankful that I did not have enough to actually do the deed, but I spent several days being very ill, hiding my shame of that moment.

This all started to regurgitate when the producers of the show issued a statement asking fans to be nice to queens.  What took so long?  Why now?  How do you undo the years of damage caused?


Right now my situation is bleak.  Its just stuff.  I've been homeless, I know I can survive it physically.  Mentally?  I don't know.  How many times do you have to put out with the garbage before you start to rot?

I've spent the last several weeks hiding in my shame. I've been asking myself some big questions. How did I get here? Am I human? Do I even deserve help?  What If I do this and no one cares?  Does it confirm my biggest fear that I'm a thing that can be thrown away?

I've spent the last 12 years of my life battling being dehumanized after filming a TV show. You go into the process with one thing and they kick it around and spin it upside down and say "Here, this is how everyone sees you now". You then have to go live it. When you get the presentation that you're not human, people feel a certain way and it begins to affect everything from work to dating to social interactions and you find urself slowly becoming the destiny set into place. I'm not mad at the producers, after all I did sign up to participate. I was 25 and I was stupid and I've made a lot of mistakes since. In the process, I lost my entirety of my self confidence, and I found myself becoming something I did not want to be. I want to change that. I don't want to see that thing anymore, whatever it is.  I want to be Braden.  I don't crave much, I want a roof over my head and the ability to go about my day being without scrutiny. I just want to live simply and now it's all at risk. I'm in danger of losing everything and I'm very afraid for how this will all affect me mentally.

So this is it.  This is my last chance.  I'm out of options. 

Thank you for listening. If you're able to give, you can help me save my home and hopefully get my vehicle back. I have two weeks before the whole thing rolls down the hill over me and I'm not doing so well. I have to raise 40,000 to stop the process- before even looking at the bigger picture.

I appreciate the kindness shown to me.  I am here for anyone else who might be suffering as well with their mental health.  People expect drag queens to be tough through and through.  I'm not one of those people.  To the people who have seen Braden- I am forever thankful.

I am hoping by embarking on a new journey I can pursue something that will leave a positive impact on people's lives.  This process has been profound in identifying what's important to me.

Please feel free to share my story by sharing this page. And if you need to reach me find me on IG @Mimiimfurst. I appreciate the kind words I've received. Its honestly kept me alive.