Make It Through the Holidays and Get My Own Place

My Testimony/Story Here:

https://www.gregloucks.com/blog/post/my-story I recently update it with a little more at the end!

In October I built up some courage and decided to write my story and testimony. It took a lot out of me, but I needed to do it. I don't believe a lot saw it and read it, but that doesn't matter. I still needed to do it. There is always critics no matter what you do. There will be critics saying it was really long. If I didn't write it truthfully and left a lot out it wouldn't feel complete and what I needed to do. There is still a lot I wanted to add and forgot to add. It took me a few days to write it. I can still add it. I guess it was also for the future and I have something to look back at. Whether or not a lot read it or not or will ever read it, I think doing it was a lot for me. It fet good when I also recently shared my story and testimony with a friend and that was freeing so so was this.

I have to be honest though that wasn't the only reason I wrote it, just for me! Testimonies help others and boost people's faith if they are going through similar things and realize they are not alone! I also was facing major crisises in life and I wasn't getting support and help. 

There is also a few reasons I believe that is happening that I'm not getting much support when I really needed it. I think there are two main factors. When I share my need it doesn't go viral and doesn't get a lot of views. I can't control that. So I can either keep sharing it or give up. At times going through a lot I wanted to give up. I have felt completely alone the last year and if my story was read youd know I really have been. All I have really had is God. I haven't always had the ability to keep sharing it. If you read my latest update at the bottom you will read I didn't have access to my phone or laptop at times either!

One thing I haven't done in all of this is give up on God and lose faith. For the most part He is all I've had. But I'm still waiting for God to do something big and major He's been promising me for awhile. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't.

The other reason I don't think I was getting much help and support or views is because people don't really know me. I get that. There are a lot of scams out there and online. That's why I wrote it all out to begin with so I just put myself out there and become very vulnerable and just admit to and share everything. If you read it you will see I did very little to put myself there. My life was dealt a bad hand. Yes I do have some regrets though. I shouldn't have trusted my dad. I should have been more protetive of myseld and been more wise. But I really don't have a criminal record, a drug habit or I'm not an alcoholic. But where do people go where they no longer can get forgiveness and grace? With my God they don't. 

I believe the biggest reasons I have gone through what I have been through is because God has a huge calling on my life and I had to learn some things first and I had to go through lessons in life so God can get me to where I need to be where He can trust me. If Im really called and God has a plan for my life it's about Him doing it and making it a reality. It isn't all about me. One thing I have not done is gave up on God and renounced my faith in God. The bible does allude to the fact that He won't let us to go through more than we can handle. I like to believe since I have been through so much it is because God can trust me and my calling is that great and huge! I have learned how bad the system is and I want to fix it and help people. Unless youve been in my shoes you don't understand it and you shouldn't judge. 

I really did have a dad threaten to kill me and threatened my mom too. I really did have a friend steal from me. I really did have my car rearended. God has told me to read the stories of Job and Joseph in the bible. 

I do have vision, plans and goals and dreams. I have a lot of great ideas and tired of being here in life! I'd like to talk about them and sharre them but it's not time and they will start coming out and being fulfilled! This state in life is holding me back to what I am called to do. I'm determined and a go getter.

The problem I'm having is I have been in a hole that is hard to get out of. I got smart to move back down to my hometown Phoneix where I have not lived in 13 years to avoid another winter. And there are jobs here. I had to get out of where I was. I have a degree and an education in IT and cyber security. I can make good money and find such a job here! But right now I will take any job. I applied at 40 places. I'm staying at an extended stay hotel. I'm paid up until December 1st. The problem I'm having is I'm still low on funds and I need a big change and a miracle. I'm spending a lot of my free time praying and seeking God! God is my provider but God can use others. I need my own place again but I never have a first months rent and a deposit to get my own place. I always run out of money every month. I do need my income to go up where I an start saving again.

I'm trying this one more time to try to raise money online to help me get my own place. I need more money then I have. It's hard to stay positive when I don't have my own place And I'm pretty alone. Last Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years I spent by myself in a hotel and I'm afraid that's going to be the case again this year. I'm actually even low on funds to get food too. I need prayer. I need more doors opened. I know a lot of us are struggling and living paycheck to paycheck so if all you can do is prayer and share my story that's appreciated too. I do believe things are going to get better for America now that Trump is coming back. 

You will hear from me again and get to know me. No one can stop God's will for my life. Satan thought I'd give up on God by now. He did help cause some of it. My dad needs deliverance and isn't following God and needs a lot of help. He is a drug addict, dresses in women's clothes and hates me for being a Christian and a Trump supporter! It is hard to get you to a point to realize how God feels about you when you didn't have true loe from a father.

It took me finally this year to wake up and realize some stuff. One day I go you know I have been through Hell and I'm still here. Wow, look atme I have come a long ways and still standing! And I really am a good person and have a lot of potential. I believe in myself like never before even if my financial situation right now sucks. It's temporary! I have never renounced my faith in God and never gave up on God. I know God has a plan for my life. I do think I have been through so much for that  very reason. I am a real threat to Satan. Pleae prayerfully consider helping me! I'd like to pursue my dreams and goals and dreams and fulfill Gods call on my life. Those dreams, ideas and goals and talents came from Him! I have figured a lot out this year. Looking back I know it is only God who helped me make it through all of this!

I'm concerned again though. Unless I get one of these jobs I'm back to square one again. I'm low on funds and don't have a lot of food. I'm going to for sure be alone in my hotel room this Thanksgiving. I don't know what is going to happen after December 1st and I'm no longer paid up in this hotel. There is a certain place I need to get financially to have savings and enough income again and I'm not there yet. That's why I'm still trying to raise money online and trying this again. Just like writing my story, testimony was a risk. I know how people are. Doing this again is also a risk. I will probably get some verbal attacks and judgment. People act a certain way online forgetting we are real people on the other side of the computer. I did not do this to myself for the most part. I wouldn't wish what I have been through on my enemies. And if you have it all together and never made a mistake and have all of this friend and family support. Good for you. I don't. Being alone and not having a lot of support and being alone in hotels especially on holidays really sucks! My problem is I have a bad dad and not a lot of family and support. It's not an excuse, but it is reality. I was dealt a certain hand of cards in life others weren't. 

My Testimony/Story Here:

https://www.gregloucks.com/blog/post/my-story I recently update it with a little more at the end!