Help Ebony Reset Her Life.

To The Person That Will Help Me,

I hope you are doing well. If not, that's okay. I hope you feel better sooner than soon <3

I do not like introductions or bios because it feels mundane to tell you my name, age, where I am from, and a fun fact. On the other hand, it's also weird that I do not like bios or intros because I love myself and as a Leo we have a bad rep for being vain or selfish. I disagree entirely. I think you would be blessed to be in community with leos because we are confident, loyal, passionate, and generous.

So, with that being said you should have learned something about me in that paragraph lol.

On a serious note, not that the previous one was unserious.

My name is Ebony Columbus and I need help.

*Whew*

That was incredibly difficult to type out because you see I am a recovering strong Black woman, hyperindependent, and people pleaser. I am also an oldest daughter (IYKYK). I am also seen as the "strong one."

Not to tell you my whole life story but this means that up until May 2023, I have spent my whole life (I'm 30) putting people's feelings and well-being before my own. It means that I have struggled to speak up when I am struggling physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. It means I have struggled to see and believe in myself as worthy of help, assistance, and support. It means I have been operating in survival mode and feeling ashamed, guilty, afraid, anxious, depressed, irritable, moody, and physically ill because of this belief.

S/O to my life experiences and therapy for helping me become aware of my issues.

Over time these issues have affected my life in all areas such as work, school, and my relationships with others. But the most important relationship it has affected is the one I have with myself.

I am a person who advocates and preaches about the importance of self-love, it would be contradictory for me not to speak out, share my story, and ask for support. I do not want to be contradicting or hypocritical. I am learning that asking for help and support is an act of self-love. I no longer want to live in survival mode. I no longer want to be viewed as the strong one. I want to thrive because I know I deserve a better quality of life simply because I am human.

In May 2023, I was given an ultimatum and made the toughest decision of my life to quit my job to complete my internship. It was the most life-altering decision I had ever made in my life. A decision that has affected me and those around me. But, it was a choice that God called me to make to fulfill his purpose for my life. It was a choice that I had to make for me without thinking about anyone else. You can imagine or maybe you can't how difficult that was for me being that I have considered other people's thoughts and feelings my whole life, and now for the first-time ever I did not.

I am currently a graduate student at Walden University finishing up my Master degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I will graduate next month May 2024. S/O to God man. Like I really am about to be a first-generation college student with a Bachelor and Master degree! For so many reasons, that's huge as FUCK for me! I wish I felt more excited but I do not because the journey to get here has been incredibly painful, challenging, and exhausting.

I started my program in November of 2020, yes right in the first year of the pandemic. Throughout my graduate experience, I've encountered major life stressors and challenges such as catching COVID twice, a major health scare, a break-up, my grandmother's passing, unexpectedly moving into my own place, and recently quitting my job to complete my internship.

Add in daily life stressors, then one should be able to understand the mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion that comes with that. I am not looking for pity because one thing I know to be true is that I am resilient and I have grit.

But, it does not mean that I am not tired, burnt out, and in need of support.

Mental health became important to me back in 2018-2019 when I got into an argument with a loved one and they were yelling things at me, but I vividly remember them saying the word therapy. It was that word and seeing how I was making my loved one feel that led me to start therapy. Ironic, how my consideration of how I make people feel led me to therapy to be able to talk about my feelings. What is even more ironic is that I tried to seek therapy in college, but there was a waitlist and I never sought it again until years later.

I will let you gather what God (or whoever you believe in) was during in those seasons and how you can apply this to your own life.

Anywho, going to therapy increased my awareness of my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors and helped me to understand them. Going to therapy helped me to begin to unpack my childhood. Going to therapy introduced me to the importance of self-care, self-love, and being intentional about it. Going to therapy led me to want to become a counselor, too!

It makes sense though that I was destined to be a counselor. I am naturally empathetic, understanding, and nonjudgmental. I observe people. I try to see what is underneath the surface. I enjoy listening to people's life stories and connecting them to who they are presently. I overall enjoy connecting with others through vulnerability and transparency.

I often think back to why I never thought about counseling as a career in childhood or high school or even throughout undergrad.

There are two main reasons...

There were no representations of Black professional counselors around me and mental health is a taboo topic in Black communities.

Did you know

That is disproportionate as hell, but it helps to understand why I never considered it as a profession. It also shows that I am needed in this field.

Did you know?

This means that no one is exempt from experiencing mental illnesses and challenges. It also means that my community needs to be serviced, especially by someone who looks like them.

Source: Mental Health America

A few months ago I was looking through one of my old journals and I came across something profound, but I had a full-circle feeling after reading it.

It was Feb 2015, and based on what I wrote I had been feeling down and lost about my life path. Which is a normal feeling to have as a 21-year-old. But, I was also a sophomore months into grieving my mother who was my biggest cheerleader. In it, I wrote,

"Sometimes, I feel like giving up. I really do. I'm worried that I won't ever finish school because I can't decide what I want a career in. I'm not athletic, artistic, or musically gifted. Math and science are my weaknesses."

The next page I stated that I wanted to work for myself but had no idea what kind of business I wanted. I just said, "I want it to be built on honesty, positivity, service, and love."

After reading that, I realized that I am already doing that in this profession.

Counseling is about honesty. It's about being honest with yourself and that translates to all relationships. Counseling, though it can be uncomfortable, has positive benefits and outcomes particularly healing and becoming the best version of yourself. Service is absolutely a facet of counseling and I love to serve others in this capacity. Lastly, love. If I did not love it I would not be in it. I would not have shown up for myself and clients especially on days where life was getting the best of me. Also, I would not have hit publish on this GoFundMe.

So you see God has always planned for me to discover what my purpose is and what I am supposed to do with it. He was always there guiding me to this very moment despite the difficult and painful challenges I experienced along the way.

I now know that I am gifted and talented despite growing up feeling not good enough, not intelligent enough, stuck, and lost. I am gifted with the ability to feel. I am not afraid to, either. I feel everything. I am sensitive and emotional. It's funny because I grew up being called sensitive, emotional, a crybaby, and a chicken. I see the good whereas others may only see the bad. I am empathetic and understanding. It can be a burden at times, but it is one I am learning to manage as if it is a superpower that I need to tailor a bit.

Who knew I would use my gifts that feel burdensome sometimes to become a counselor.

So I hope that you have gathered some things about me after reading this. I hope you approach my ask with the details of my story in mind.

I am seeking $10,000 or more to reset my life basically. I took major financial hits quitting my job last year. I tried to work here and there but it became impossible to do so because of my school and internship requirements. Also, I have been experiencing mental health and physical health issues. I have exhausted my immediate support system and they are unable to continue supporting me financially.

Now I am seeking support from extended family, friends, online community, and strangers. Basically, anyone with good intentions to help and is able to.

If you choose to support me the funds will be used for me to get back to optimal well-being. I cannot do that (and do it efficiently) if I continue to be under constant financial stress. I need to catch up on my bills such as my rent, my car note, car maintenance, and paying down my credit card debt.

Since quitting my job I became uninsured and I am not sure when I will be again so it be used towards doctor, dental, and therapy appointments.

And if we are being honest, I also need it for self-care. I need rest and relaxation. I have not had a real break since we were placed lockdown and everyone had to sit still.

I need time to think. I need time to unpack the last 3 1/2 years of my life that have been dedicated to completing this degree. Money gives us time. We all should know that. I need experiences and I need to feel alive again. Money can give me that as well.

Currently, I am expected to start part-time employment at my internship site so that is good news but it won't be enough to hit reset just yet. I have been looking at full-time jobs, I just haven't had the time and energy to apply while balancing school, my internship, and my other responsibilities.

With that being said the money would give me time to look for the best full-time job and/or time and resources to build my caseload part-time at the practice.

The money would give me time to study and pay for the National Counseling Exam and the fees that come with it. This exam is required for me to be an Associates Licensed Counselor and then a Licensed Professional Counselor.

It would also help me to maintain malpractice insurance, possibly pay a supervisor to supervise me while I work toward licensure, join professional organizations, and participate in certified trainings and continuing education courses.

Lastly, the money would go towards graduation. I have not taken pictures or any of the fun graduation stuff. I also have other things I want to get into that this money can help fund.

This is unfortunately an expensive profession to be in, but I am confident that I can do great and impactful work, especially for my community!

But I need your help to make sure I have the best chance of succeeding.

This maybe a big ask, but I believe I am worthy and deserving of help.

No amount is too small or too big.

If you are able to help, do it.

If you are unable to help please share this with your friends, family, and networks because you may be in connection with someone who wants to and can.

Also if you, a family member, or a friend are in need of counseling services, please refer them to openarmsatl.com

I am accepting clients!

To maintain ethical standards, I cannot work with family, friends, ex-coworkers, former classmates, or anyone who follows me online already).

But keep in mind I am working on something that can benefit those who want to work with me, but in a different way.

I am eternally grateful for those who have supported me during my journey. Thank you for helping me get this far, truly!

I am for the most part okay, just exhausted. I am ready to be done with school. I am ready to get back to me while also continuing to grow into the best version of myself.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for supporting me.

Ebony Columbus, A Human That Needs Help