Help Get An Artist Back on Meds and HRT.

Hello. Most of you know me as Jack or V or Nehku, some of you may have never met me before. For those that don't know me, I am a self-employed full time streamer and character concept artist. I am transmasc with bipolar type II depression. I have a story I need to share because I am being brave enough to ask for help.

In 2019, a friend was being evicted from their home, I took out a loan to secure an apartment for us to move in together, they have intentions of paying me back but due to their own financial reasons have yet to start. In 2020, someone who I was extremely close to came to us, stating he was also being evicted, cried in fear of being on the street, we had all been good friends for years. I am sure you can see where this is going, but I will say it anyway. I refinanced my loan to pull more out with the promised intention of him helping to pay it, I believed him, he'd never lied to me before. Or so I thought.

I moved him in with us from across the country, but he turned out to be a liar and manipulator, he used me and then used someone else with the same exact story he gave me to move away from here. He threatened me, he trash talked me and spread rumours, turned people against me. He deleted all of his posts and claims of helping to pay, claiming we never discussed it. I have screenshots that say otherwise. After mental abuse, I decided it would have been more detrimental to try and see him again to go to court over it rather than swallowing my pride and just accepting the facts.

I was naive.

I just wanted to do the right thing and help people that were my friends. You can call me a fool, an idiot, how I should have known better, but it's all things I've already told myself.

Instead of sulking, I carried this loan and have been chipping at it for 3 years now. I have kept my head up on this path of shame to pay off my mistake, but the interest is impossibly high and I've made horrific sacrifices along the way. I had to stop my transition, I can no longer afford my anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications, I work long hours to continue at it. At this rate, it will be 6+ more years before I am able to finally start again, it's already been 3.

I understand it is my fault, this is my burden to bear, my mistake to own, but I already work 12-16 hours a day to try and keep afloat. Obtaining a second (third technically) job to assist in this loan is out of the question. I'm tired, tired enough to finally ask for help.

I want to finally be able to get back to HRT. I need my medications back and I am so, so, so incredibly tired of being strangled and punished for trying to help someone. I know there are more urgent GFM's out there, I know. I've been treading water for years on this.

I'm drowning.

I hate asking for help, I hate that my instinct to help others is now a burden and quietly has been for years. It's making me bitter, filled with anxiety and a hatred that I don't want to feel. I don't want it to finish consuming me because I did something that I thought was right.

I just want to finally unpause my life, have the funds to finish my transition and never have to be reminded of the guy that used and abused me ever again.

Even if you can't financially assist, just spreading this would mean the world to me.

I am a very quiet person about my personal life, so please have this soothing picture of one of my cats being an absolute wonderful bean, I hope that she at least brings a smile to your face.