Help Grayson Yeet the Teets!
Hi! My name is Grayson, my pronouns are he/they, and I'm transgender. Specifically, I'm trans masculine. My other identities include being queer (both sexually and politically), disabled/chronically ill, and a survivor of abuse.
I'm an activist, researcher, writer, and sex educator with a day job in public health. I run multiple websites focused on illness/disability:
Not Standing Stills Disease
Chronic Sex
ORCHIDS Research (under which I'm currently conducting research)
I’ve worked and presented with organizations all around the world, including Healthline, Pfizer, the University of Guelph, and the Arthritis Foundation. In addition, my work has been featured in articles from publications such as US News, Teen Vogue, and Everyday Health. You can learn more about the overarching nature of my work on my site.
I feel like I'm getting ahead of myself.
Pre-Covid
My disabilities presented themselves shortly after I started kindergarten.
I grew up in an abusive household. My disabilities tended to shield me a little bit from some of the worst of that pain. Still, the harm I experienced continues to linger. I have PTSD flashbacks often, despite years of therapy. I'm constantly unpacking and working on stuff.
One way I could get out was to go to college. My mother wrongfully explained to me that I had a full ride to the college I chose. In reality, loans covered most of that cost. Add in one failed attempt to get a master's degree (due to health) and the completion of a master's degree in a different field in 2017, and my student loan debt as of 7-15-2020 is $144,259.66.
I came out in 2016, after starting to do sex education work, as both queer/pansexual and trans - specifically genderqueer. From the middle of 2016 to the end of that year, I had quit my day job to work on research, something my husband at the time and I were able to financially swing. By the beginning of 2017, my health changed drastically for the worse once again. I was unable to work for nearly two years, save part-time remote and freelance work.
It wasn't until early 2019 that I was able to get diagnoses that explained these symptoms in addition to treatment. In April 2019, I was able to find a job that was accommodating of my health issues and allowed me to do disability work.
By the summer of 2019, my partner of nearly 13 years asked for a divorce. While we had discussed the issue for about a week, him coming to the conclusion of wanting a divorce came as a total shock to me. The process of our divorce, and subsequently moving out, put me into more debt, especially working a job that paid $15/hour and accumulating medical debt, too.
I changed jobs in April 2020, for one that pays significantly more. Unfortunately, the damage of working a job that wasn't paying the bills for several months amounted to a decent amount of debt on its own. Then, as I began to move in with my current partner, a fire hit my apartment mid-June 2020 and ruined a number of large and expensive (for me) things I had not yet brought over. While I had renter's insurance, which helped, but the insurer I had chosen in haste a year before did not cover full replacement value for the items that I lost.
Recent Gender Stuff
After getting a divorce, I began to finally explore more of what gender meant to me. My ex left in part due to the gradual masculinization I had undergone. Lying to myself, I had stated that being more masculine in gender expression would be enough for me.
Thankfully, my divorce taught me that I was wrong.
I started testosterone on January 23rd, 2020. Initially, I was microdosing, taking about half the normal dose for trans men. It was a wonderful experience and, thankfully, my body handled T well. After a couple of months, I upped my dose to match the average. From a hormone standpoint, things are going great!
Unfortunately, that's just one side of things.
I have always been a very curvy person. My chest size is currently F (or DDD). The periods of gender dysphoria I have been experiencing are lasting longer and growing more intense, forcing me to have more therapy appointments. The dysphoria causes me to be less productive at my day job - and on side gigs - in addition to causing me to spend more on ordering food versus cooking due to feeling blah.
On top of this, there are very real medical reasons for me to consider top surgery. I have a number of muscles overdeveloped, partially because of the size of my chest. I have been getting numbing medication injected into those spots for several years, on top of years of physical therapy, acupuncture, massage, etc. At the very least, reducing the size of my chest would help greatly with my migraines, chronic pain, etc.
Like most things in my life, finding gender-affirming items isn't easy. Between my divorce, losing big items in an apartment fire, and the expenses of living as a disabled person, my finances aren't in the best state.
As much as I hate to admit it, my life is very much on the line. I struggle a lot with asking for help, but I can't afford to put it off any longer.
The Surgeon
I was hoping to go to a surgeon in Florida, but that didn't pan out for a number of reasons. Thankfully, I've got a secured date with a surgeon here in Madison, Dr. Gast.
Initial Costs
Surgery:
Obviously, the biggest cost is the surgery itself.
My Cigna insurance covers all but 15% of in-network costs. I will already have met my deductible. Due to limited access to cost estimates, I believe that the surgery will cost me roughly $3500. This number may change to be more accurate the closer I get to surgery.
Lost Wages
Thankfully, I will be able to utilize FMLA to take any time off needed and still keep my job. We're working from home anyway and my job is relatively light in intensity most of the time. That being said, I expect to miss several days of work. Missing 5 days of work amounts to $1000. I may be able to get short-term disability, but this covers roughly 60% of my normal wages.
Additional Costs
Costs for follow-up are guestimates as of now. I will have to work with my physical therapist on preventing scar tissue build-up in addition to acquiring items I would have gone to a gym or my physical therapist's office to utilize. These items are currently in my Amazon list linked below. I will also need to stock up on items for when I likely have a flare-up of my arthritis due to being off my medications for a few days.
Cost Breakdown
Initial Costs
Surgery - $3500
Lost wages - $1000 (covers ~ 2 weeks if I have short-term disability)
Additional items needed before surgery - between $500-1000.
This adds up to roughly $5500.
What if I get more money?
I will utilize any extra money to help with paying down existing debt. In addition to my student loan debt, I have $5000 in a loan from my credit union (leftover from shared credit card debt with the ex) and roughly $19,000 in credit card debt.
If you don't like using GFM, you can donate in the following ways:
Paypal:
Patreon: https://patreon.com/chronicsex
Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/kirsten
You can also procure items from my wishlists
Amazon
Target
Thank you
I want to say again that I have a hard time asking for help. I know that there are so many people struggling, especially with the pandemic. My brain tries to convince me that my suffering has nothing on the suffering others may be going through. I know what I tell my sister in situations like this, though - just because others are suffering, too, doesn't mean that my suffering doesn't or shouldn't matter.
I'm well aware that the spaces I move through aren't necessarily swimming in money. What I can say is that every dollar and every share helps. <3