Help Isabella Find Solace Through Transition

My Story

When I first started to come to terms with being trans in 2013, I was hesitant to share this lifelong struggle with anyone else. I knew that I couldn't afford to transition and was doubtful that anyone would truly understand. When you’ve spent a lifetime “playing a character” just to survive, you wonder whether others will accept the real person kept hidden just below the surface.

When dysphoria returned with a vengeance in 2016, I began to realize that the dysphoria was only getting worse the more I tried to hide it. I still wasn't in a position to afford affirming care, but keeping all of it buried away was becoming unsustainable. Over the next few years, I researched as much as I could. As the burden of hiding and suppressing who I am increasingly outweighed fears of rejection or malice, I opened up to a few select people. I started to establish a feminine wardrobe and practiced self-care in the form of shaving my body hair, painting my nails, and styling my hair in more feminine ways – although still out of public view.

By 2021, I began to accept that being fully myself – in ALL aspects of my life – was the only path forward.

I've been told that being trans is not a choice, but to transition is. For over a decade I "chose" not to transition, yet I found that this only delayed the inevitable. I thought that maybe if those I loved and cared about accepted me, then that would be enough. That if I wore the social armor of masculinity in public, then maybe I could still find solace in private. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, transition was absolutely not a choice – not if quality of life counts for anything.

My Transition

On July 16th, 2022, I finally started hormone replacement therapy…and every fear and every hope I had had for so many years was confirmed. I sensed a calmness that I had never thought was possible. I felt a reprieve from the unrelenting dysphoria. This proved to me that a complete social and medical transition was the only way forward. As much as that fact brought relief and tranquility, it also meant facing the daunting reality of presenting myself as I have always truly been in all aspects of life, both public and private.

In showing that vulnerability, however, I have discovered a new confidence. Every step forward has been another step towards being a person that I can proudly embrace. With determination and conviction, I scheduled gender-affirming surgery for late April 2024. I know that it will be an uphill battle filled with considerable challenges, financial and otherwise. However, I refuse to get this far – to have given up so much – only to fall short of achieving the internal peace and serenity that I have been seeking my whole life.

How Will Funds be Used?

The majority of the funds raised will go towards paying surgical costs and for other gender-affirming medical care. If I am lucky enough to reach that target, the remaining 20% of my total goal will help to ensure that I can afford rent and other basic necessities during the time that I am unable to work while recovering from surgery.

An Appeal to Generosity and Compassion

Now that I can finally appreciate all that life has to offer, I can acknowledge the enormous influence that such an endeavor has had on my quality of life. If it weren’t for all the people who have accepted and supported me, I would never have been able to experience all the relief and peace of mind that comes with accepting the truth of who I am.

I am determined to continue this journey; the melancholy path I once walked becomes more distant with every day that passes. I spent so much time afraid to ask for help for fear that I would be a burden to those around me. However, I have learned that the burden did not come from asking for help, but from denying who I have always been.

I ask you to help me to fulfill my lifelong goal of finding the solace and peace that has eluded me for so long. Your donation, no matter how small, can create a significant impact. I appreciate your support!

With love and gratitude,

Isabella