Help Kabnpauj- Terminal Cancer Diagnosis

Here is an update from Steven and Kabpauj, and a message of their thanks, written by Steven:

"Update ~ Hey yall, friends & fam, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you from me and Kabnpauj.

Thank you for all of the support. All of the empathy. All of the messages and well wishes. For checking in. For everything yall. And of course, thank you for supporting the GoFundMe efforts that our friends Celeste and Joe organized for Kay and I. Thank you for donating, sharing, and getting the word out much farther than we could have done on our own. I seriously can’t express enough gratitude for all of the people who have rallied around us after hearing about Kabnpauj’s diagnosis. The support genuinely means so much.

(please feel free to share this post - we know that there are many people who extended support to us who are not directly on our social media lists and we’d like to get our gratitude / update out there)

It has been amazing for Kabnpauj and I to see and hear from so many people we’ve gotten to know over the years. Thank you to our friends from back in the day who went with us to Hamilton. Thank you to our friends who we met at UW-Madison (& s/o to FW, PBS, the MSC, and all of the communities).

Thank you to our friends and colleagues who have worked with us over the years. And also thank you to all of your friends and family who may not even know us personally, but felt compelled to extend support after learning about our story (if you see them over the holidays, please thank them for us, feel free to share this update with them). You all have helped make an impossible situation a bit easier for us to live through. More than you know.

For anybody reading this who may be out of the loop about our situation – my wife, Kabnpauj was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer (gastric-subtype cervical adenocarcinoma) last year at the age of 30. We had just moved to Pittsburgh (from ATX in August of 2022) so she could pursue her master’s degree. However, just a few weeks into classes she was forced to take a medical leave of absence from school to begin chemotherapy, radiation, brachytherapy, and participate in a clinical trial. Luckily, Pittsburgh is coincidentally home to UPMC, which is a top health system here in the US. After months of ongoing treatment and scans, she had officially made it to remission this past May.

At the end of September, she underwent surgery to remove two ovarian cysts that had also been growing in her body. Her doctors had been monitoring these growths and this was supposed to be a routine procedure. However, her primary surgeon unexpectedly ended the surgery much earlier than anticipated. Her surgeon found me in the waiting room, took me into a separate room off to the side, and informed me that the cancer resurfaced in a different part of Kabnpauj’s body. She then informed me that this cancer was terminal, meaning that there were not any curative treatment options for Kabnpauj. She could only potentially prolong her lifespan with chemo. From there, I then had the responsibility of sharing this news with Kabnpauj as she was being discharged a couple hours later. Several days after that, we got an update and learned her official prognosis: she now only has somewhere between “months to a year” left to live. And that is with ongoing chemo through the remainder of her life.

To put it honestly, this shit has been nothing short of painful to live through. Sometimes all we can do is take it one day at a time. We’ve grieved a lot this past year. Kabnpauj has grieved grad school and the future she was fighting for (ironically, we have to drive past the campus every day on our way to the hospital V_V). We’ve grieved fertility and our ability to have children together. We grieved the loss of autonomy that comes with ongoing cancer treatment. And now, we’re now grieving the opportunity to grow old together. & she’s grieving her ability to grow old, period. We don’t know what’s going to happen next, but we’re bracing... and preparing for her end of life.

Even living through it, I still can’t wrap my head around the magnitude of the loss to come. Kabnpauj and I have been together for nearly 15 years now, from high school sweethearts up to present-day. In a way, we raised each other. Her love and influence is written all over the man I grew to be. It's been a lot yall, and I know the hardest is still yet to come.

With that, best believe that we’re cherishing every single mf day together. We still have right now (that's the mantra). And I’m so grateful for that. One of the things that anchors me in this helpless ass situation, is that it is within my power to love her, be there for her, and ensure that her final experiences / moments are what she envisions them to be. So much of navigating cancer has been reconciling that there’s very little within our direct control. Love tho? We got that on that lock. She will be loved, every step of the way, as deep as I can muster it. And trust, ya boy can muster love like a mf.

As I'm writing this, she’s currently finishing up her very last Pittsburgh chemo session! Then next week, we’re moving back to Madison (which again, thank you to everybody who donated, as that’s now helping us move across the country back to WI). I didn’t think we’d ever live in Madison again, but some of Kabnpauj’s best friends still live there and it isn’t too far from our fam in Milwaukee. So if you happen to be in Madison (or will be visiting sometime in the future), please feel free to reach out to me or Kabnpauj. We’d love to connect with friends once we get settled in.

For folks interested in extending further support, the GoFundMe will remain open for a bit longer.

https://gofund.me/637b128a

Kabnpauj also put together a frequently-asked-questions doc for folks looking to connect with her directly: https://docs.google.com/.../1iK6Y1iqkSX42AanSoVLgBYx.../edit

In the meantime, I hope all of yall have a good holiday and are able to cherish the time together with your family, friends, and loved ones. We know that we aren’t the only folks going through heavy struggles, so I hope yall are getting through and persisting out here too. Much love everybody, thanks for having our backs. And if you read this far, sheesh you must really care about us lol, so lemme say it once more for good measure, thank you!"

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Here’s an update for those of you who have been following my best friend Kabnpauj’s cancer journey. A few days before the scheduled Pelvic Exenteration surgery, Kabnpauj’s Gynecological Oncologist called with the shocking news that the routine biopsy meant to confirm cancer on the cervix before the surgery was negative. In other words, Kabnpauj unexpectedly went into remission and the surgery was canceled. The generous donations from the GoFundMe campaign went towards piled up medical bills and living expenses, such as rent, utilities, groceries, etc.

Of course Kabnpauj was not out of the woods yet. Chances of the cancer coming back were high due to the aggressive type of cancer and the doctors planned to closely monitor Kabnpauj with MRI’s and CT scans. An MRI on 8/2 confirmed that Kabnpauj was still in remission, however it also showed that some ovarian cysts had grown very quickly. Surgery was going to be needed to remove the cysts, ovaries, and tubes.

On surgery day, 9/26, the oncologist was able to see that the cancer had metastasized to the abdominal lining. Unfortunately, this spread is not curable. The only treatment option available to Kabnpauj now is to undergo palliative care with supportive chemo meant to slow/ stop the growth of the cancer.

The amount of time Kabnpauj has left will depend on how the cancer reacts to the chemo. Her first chemo session started on 10/11.

Kabnpauj and her husband Steven are devastated by this tragic turn of events. After a lot of thought, they have decided to move back to their home state ASAP to be with friends and family for support, meaning that they have no choice but to break their apartment lease and move cross country from PA to WI.

I humbly ask that you please donate what you can to support Kabnpauj and Steven during their time of greatest need. Your donations would help cover any fees associated with breaking their Pittsburgh lease (potentially a penalty fee equaling 1-2 months of rent), moving costs (renting a moving truck, gas money, tolls), and other upcoming medical expenses and bills. Furthermore, with this diagnosis, Steven will likely take unpaid time off work in order to prioritize spending meaningful time with Kabnpauj and their loved ones. Your donation would help ease some of their financial concerns and enable them to focus on cherishing each other and the time they still have together.