Severe Complex PTSD & Murder Victim Support
I am beyond embarrassed to share these deeply personal things, but know I have to set my pride aside and find a way to keep fighting for my husband's life.
Before Feb 11, 2017 our lives were very different. We were so incredibly happy. People envied our relationship. We travelled on vacations. We danced together under a disco ball in our living room every Friday night for date nights. When I look at our wedding renewal photo, I can see our joy of celebrating our first 35 years together. Now it seems like someone else's story. I don't even recognize our own faces anymore.
My husband Jeff spent over 27 years serving the community. He was a paramedic, a licensed embalmer-funeral director, and was subcontracted with the coroner's removal service where he provided removals and death-scene cleanup. He also served 5 yrs as an Aux. RCMP Constable, sat as a Board Director for SOVAS (South Okanagan Victim Assistance Society), and was the Board Director for the Canadian Blood Services in Penticton, where he was instrumental in getting a permanent building to house blood donor clinics. His life was his family, music and our community.
Over the years, Jeff has come across several accidents and was awarded 3 separate Priory of Canada Awards, for his life saving skills as a Good Samaritan. One of those incidents was for an RCMP officer that was struck on his motorbike and killed on scene, and where Jeff resuscitated him. His name was Constable Gerry Breese.
For myself, I raised 2 beautiful children, and supported Jeff thru every bad call and distressed family he had to deal with, all while encouraging him to keep up with his life-long love of singing. In October 2016 (as age 55), I underwent a full hip replacement, and after 16 weeks of picture-perfect recovery we got the green light to travel with our RV to Kamploops BC to celebrate our 35th Wedding anniversary with our best friends. Soon after arriving, our friends had to cancel, but since we were already in town, we decided to stay & camp at the Kamloops RV Park and invited our son and his girlfriend to come stay the night with us in our camper.
Within a short time of their arrival, we found ourselves in the middle of a murder scene. We were tricked into believing we were answering the pleas of a stabbing victim who was banging on our camper, calling out he'd 'been attacked and needed help.' Once we responded, we quickly learned that we had just walked into the scene of a gruesome murder, and that he was the MURDERER--NOT the VICTIM. That led to me, my husband, our son and his (then) girlfriend to be the key witnesses for the Crown Counsel in the murder trial, and our testimonies helped secure a full conviction of that murderer.
WHY do we need help? Through all of Jeff's years of service as a First Responder, he was successful in putting all of the traumatic events in the back of his head. He did a great job of 'compartmentalizing' each one and protected his family from it. Back then there was no label of PTSD. You just sucked it up, and went to your next call. He managed it well---until the night of that murder.
That murder triggered Jeff so badly, that ever since that night, he has horrific nightmares reliving all of his calls. Everything from decapitations, suicides, horrific MVA's and workplace fatalities, children chopped up, a helicopter crashes and seeing people leap to their deaths. This reliving of events is so bad, that he can actually smell the blood of the deceased and victims in his dreams. None of this happened to him before the murder.
That night changed my life as well. My son slammed the assailant into the ground, and all I could think was 'where is the weapon'? I was terrified for my son, and my brain just kicked into 'mom mode' to try to calm the situation. The assailant was yelling out things I couldn't understand, so to calm him down I bent to my knees in the snow. I immediately felt my hip and leg tear open. It had completely detached leaving a hole the size of a grapefruit and severe pain. I've since undergone 2 surgeries to repair the detachment, but both failed. The last time, they tried suspending the muscles and tendons thru 3 holes they drilled into my pelvis, but that surgery also failed quickly.
My gluteus maximus, medius and minimus are all detached and my iliotibial band doesn't move causing a 'locked' sensation and extreme pain. in place. This happens when I am standing, walking, sitting, laying down or using the washroom. I can't sleep from the pain. I can't sit, walk, or stand for more than a few minutes at a time without agony. My leg frequently 'locks up' so now I can't drive as I'm a risk behind the wheel. I have no quality of life left, and it's all because of that night.
Each surgery involved daily painful stomach injections of blood thinners, physio and expensive RX's. Following each surgery, I had to travel back to Kamloops in a wheelchair, while still in the post-op recovery stage, just to testify in pre-trial hearings and again for the murder trial.
Jeff has been incapacitated to fight for himself, so that burden fell on me. I had been begging for mental health and expense support for us both since that night, but have had NO HELP from anyone.
I filed for Victim Services support, and we completed a WorkSafe BC claim for Jeff for his Severe Complex PTSD (which was diagnosed right after the murder).
I contacted the BCFA (BC Funeral Association). The BCFA only said that PTSD is something they're getting a lot of complaints about (from funeral directors/embalmers), but the association has still not taken any action. A big majority of his traumatic events are from Jeff's years as a funeral director/embalmer and coroner removal. For two years now, they've repeated the same statement to me: 'it's something we hope to address at the next AGM'.
The RCMP said they won't assist us because Jeff was an Aux. Constable, not a regular member. It didn't matter that he served (nearly full time) for 5 yrs in Penticton and 1 yr in Fort St. John.
In January 2018 Victim Services declined both of us of any support. Jeff seemed to mentally 'go dark' at this news. We both needed mental health counselling but couldn't afford it. I was infuriated and depressed as I had just gone thru surgery to try to repair my leg from the injuries of that incident and the expenses were thru the roof. The most insulting aspect was that the Crown still needed us to testify at the pre-trial, then again at the murder trial back in Kamloops.
By Nov 2019, Jeff had changed. He wasn't sleeping or eating and had dramatically lost weight. After visiting his dying mother, he confessed that he nearly drove into a logging truck in an effort to commit suicide as he just couldn't cope anymore. He said it was only when his met eyes with the other driver's, that he quickly swerved off the road and narrowly avoided an impact. After he was hospitalized for this, we again pleaded for help, but got nothing.
In August 20, 2020, WorkSafe BC advised us they denied his claim. He was told he should have applied within 1 year of the first trauma experience. That was virtually impossible as his 1st traumatic event took place when he was a paramedic, and there was no such thing as PTSD back then. Jeff spiralled.
Jan 6, 2021 JEFF TRIED TO END HIS LIFE.
He went to a secluded area in the mountains where he stabbed himself, tried to hang himself, and overdosed on stockpile of pills. When search and rescue found him, he was unconscious, unresponsive, and had severe hypothermia. His body core was only 30 degrees. I was told that he was only 30-45 minutes away from being unrevivable. He had made a very serious attempt to end his life, and he nearly succeeded. Jeff was hospitalized for 2 weeks on a psychiatric ward. His hypothermia caused a condition called brain freeze, which makes him stammer (his short term memory also seems affected). The frostbite on his face and feet recovered, but 2 of his 10 fingers have not.
Up to the day of Jeff's suicide attempt, I confess I had already been contemplating an exit plan for myself. The trauma of that night and the constant physical pain had become too unbearable--but after the impact that his nearly successful suicide attempt, I had to face the fact that suicide was no longer an option for me. I had to find some courage to keep fighting for help. A few weeks after Jeff's suicide attempt, I started therapy with an amazing therapist. I believe she saved my life. For several weeks, I had sessions 7 days/week for 2-3 hrs per day. Currently, I meet with her 3x a week.
Jeff has had a great psychiatrist since his hospitalization, but he also needs a therapist that specializes in Severe Complex PTSD therapy. Just as he started to see someone, we ran out of money. We've already spent over $30,000 in medical expenses, by maxing out all of our credit cards, lines of credit and overdraft protection on our bank accounts. Our current medications and therapy cost over $2000 per month. We have hung on hoping and praying for a miracle of support but none has come. In desperation, I even reached out to MLA's in Victoria, but so far, we still have no help.
Any money raised would be applied to the medical debt we've accumulated, pay for specialized mental health therapy, and help with our medications.
We are both extremely private people and this is all very difficult (and terrifying) for me to talk about so openly.
Louise Nielson