2024 Lulu Health Fundraiser

Hello, friends, family, and community members,

Please pass this on to folks you know through facebook and listserves.

Thank you for reading this long letter in advance. I was not able to condense my thoughts. I humbly thank you for supporting me these last few years as I navigated various healthcare systems. This is a fundraiser that my friends urged me to write in September, but I felt too embarrassed and ashamed. I isolated myself and tried to do it on my own. Even though looking back, I certainly did not and many have held me financially, spiritually, and mentally.

Since January 2019 (and even before that), I have been having health concerns. I was slowly working through them and excited about having healthcare for the first time in my life as an adult for longer than a year and understanding how it worked and utilizing it. I was really scared of the healthcare system and finally went in. Then the pandemic hit and many deaths happened; over 20 in my personal life. I have been on a rough road since then and it all started falling apart in January of 2023. My jobs suffered from my depression, insomnia, panic attacks, and lack of sleep.

Slowly, I started going to chiropractors, health providers, mental health providers, and an ADHD coach. I had two L&I claims based on 3 falls in 2023 for my neck, back, and hips. I was able to go to the chiropractor. Those claims have come to a "close," but I still need chiropractic help to stop my migraines and my arthritis which is about my bones deteriorating and causing extreme chronic pain. In the summer of 2023 during summer vacation, I thought I would be able to “catch up” and be brave once again to enter into the healthcare system to check on what was happening inside my body. I have been put on various medicines for pre-diabetes and then later diabetes. I have had to go to the hospital multiple times and set up complex appointments for various departments under the umbrella of my healthcare providers to “check” on this or “check” on that. This brought on a lot of medical bills from these visits and "specialty department" visits that my primary doctor sent me to. Although I have health insurance, there is a co-pay that I have to pay and “minimums” that I have to pay out of pocket. Thus, I have outstanding bills. Things I didn’t know and what I feared about the medical system happened.

In regards to mental health, I suffered extreme depression starting in the pandemic and later it became exacerbated with extreme grief over all the deaths. This sent my mental health spiraling and I finally got a mental health test, because I was not able to get out of my bed or house or do basic things. I was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD which brings more grief for adults. I knew that something was going on! Also, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and other mental health and mood disorders diagnoses like OCD, etc. I was relieved and shocked. I had been having panic attacks that some knew about and have also supported me through. I only thought these were bouts of sadness and I would get over it or paranoid extreme "workarounds" I had to do in institutional settings to keep jobs and I ended up feeling like an imposter. The mental health organization I went to was suggested to me and I am grateful for their diagnosis, so I could get medication. I thought it was a free service; naive I know! They gave me a bill for their services which gave me their official “stamp” of approval for me to get meds.

Medication became expensive and I had/have medications for physical health and mental health. I had to learn how to manage all of this and my primary doctor gave me a social worker during my medical leave. As some may know, I went on medical leave for one month in September 2024 which was a hard and agonizing choice. It stretched into 3 months total. I was only allowed to claim 1 job, not both, and only a percentage of my wages from that one. It took a long time for my weekly claims to be put through (over 2 months) and in that time I acquired more debt due to governmental backlogs in their systems and processes. Many people supported me through the two months with finances, resources, advocacy, and advice.

Overall, this has caused me to send rent in late and pay late fees. I have not been able to catch up for months. There have been threats for my water, gas, utilities, and wifi to be cut off (or was and then turned back on with help). I have had to hustle to juggle shifting money around to try to work through what should be prioritized and when I came up short on medication money then I would come up short in other bills and vice versa. Of course, this has impacted my job duties, but I continued to work. As some know, my radio job came to an official end in July 2024, because I am supporting its release from a large non-profit into the hands of a community collective. If you want more information about this and how you can support this community project, please contact me. I am hoping this will be successful and it cuts off another funding stream. This has been going on for a long time.

This has left me feeling exhausted even with so much support and resources. I felt ashamed and isolated even as people gathered around me with love and care while I went through physical and mental pain, transitions, and changes. I am surprised that I kept pushing forward even when I was treated badly by health professionals and they even made me weep in their offices.

With a humble heart, I finally was able to make this email after all these struggles. I am embarrassed and I feel like I failed at something. I know this is internalized ableism, but it is hard to feel it and name it vs. it still having power over me. Please continue to send me prayers and funds if you can. Please lease pass it on to friends and community members. I do need a helping hand with this financial struggle and I appreciate all your support in advance.

With love, light, and struggle,

Luzviminda Uzuri “Lulu” Carpenter

aka LuluNation

Your quaky auntie, sister friend, and community organizer