Help Sofia Achieve Life Affirming Gender Surgery!

Hi, it's me, Sofia (previously Tony) Bocci. I'm seeking gender affirming bottom surgery with Dr. Chettawut in Thailand, and I need your help.

If you're reading this, you likely know me and know that I'm transgender. For about one and a half years now I've known I've wanted to get bottom surgery. Even before that, I had my suspicions that this was something I needed. Through gender affirming bottom surgery, my male genitals will be reformed in a process called a vulvoplasty into a vagina.

The plan is to fly to Thailand (my wonderful partner Patty will fly with me ), I'll check in for four days of tests, then have the surgery. Recovery is 26 days, during which I may or may not need a minor revision. Afterwards, we'll fly back, I'll marvel at my similar, though dramatically improved life, and then I'll shower the world with my verdant affection.

So why bottom surgery?

When I look in the mirror, it's painful to merge what I'm seeing with how I view myself. The ways I can cuddle with Patty, the kinds of clothing I can feel comfortable in. Even just sitting, standing, walking. All of this impacts me every single day. My drive for this surgery isn't about having a vagina. Rather, it's about not having a penis. My genitals as they are now are the true problem. They just feel wrong and the despair I feel some days is overwhelming.

Fear and uncertainty kept me from transitioning earlier. There's a lot of scary, false information regarding bottom surgery. That, along with the difficulties of navigating insurance, hospitals, and messaging from people in my life led me to live a muted existence with what I had. Even though I knew something was wrong, I stalled. I was stuck. Two things have pulled me out. For one, I finally found an image resource for nearly all known surgeons who do gender affirming surgeries. Looking at all of the people who have successfully had this surgery allowed me to dream. The other thing that has opened up my heart to surgery is the feeling of safety I've had with Patty. She's been an incredible partner. It's easier than ever to love myself, which is how I think of this surgery. It's how I think of asking you for help here. I'm just trying to love myself.

As I've dreamed about this surgery for the past few years, I've explored something I've known in my body for a long time. When I was younger and in intimate situations with partners, I felt unsafe, and have never let anyone touch my genitals ever since I learned I don't owe people sex. Even so, the possibility of being able to experience something that most people get to experience is only a small reason why I need this surgery. More than anything, my revulsion at people touching my genitals has shown me that even at a young age, I knew something was wrong with my body. I just want to be able to experience a day without loathing a part of my body that keeps me from living.

Years ago I had top surgery. The distress of the incongruence between my mind and body and the depression that I had before top surgery compared to the lifting possibilities of life afterward was night and day. Talking to a friend about this recently, he pointed out that I rarely talked about the future before my top surgery. I was working at a coffee shop, completely overwhelmed by the prospect of having to pay off student loans. The concept of "the future" felt intangible, as it was all I could do to struggle through the dissonance in my body. Everything was different after top surgery. I had more clarity, more focus. I made a plan to pay off my loans. I began pursuing a big career move. It was transformative. I cannot adequately describe the immensity of feeling deeply depressed for years, then waking up after a surgery with that depression completely gone.

I feel something similar now, like my future is just around the corner. I've been able to dream about bottom surgery, and with that, imagine what my life could look like. Maybe I could own a condo, or even a house with Patty one day. Maybe I can make even bigger leaps in my career so that I can retire someday. The visceral possibility of bottom surgery already has me imagining life afterwards in a way that I never have.

On the realities of making this happen:

Ever since I realized surgery was possible with a better surgeon way sooner than I thought it would be, I have doubled my job application efforts. I was laid off from my last job a year ago after they started doing poorly. Since then, I've been trying really hard to find something else and have been working on multiple certifications, but even so the job market for my field is extremely challenging. As I apply to ~7 jobs per day, I've used my savings and have been scraping by with audio/video freelancing and catering gigs. I've successfully reached out to more A/V companies for gig work and have been applying to a wider range of jobs for quite some time, but that likely won't be enough. Hopefully I'll have saved some amount by May, but it's incredibly unclear what will happen given that very little to no freelance work will be available between now and early February. Also, after I get back, I'll likely need at least another 30 days to recover before I can get back to work.

There are a number of important reasons why I want to go with Dr. Chettawut in particular. For one, I have major issues with the three Pacific Northwest surgeons who would otherwise be my most likely options in America. One of them provided my top surgery, during which he botched my right breast. I had to have two revisions. Mostly though, there are so few post surgery images that can be found online for the three of them, and the ones I've seen have challenging results. I hope surgery has worked out for the people who have gone with them, but I only have my one body. Finally, the wait times just to get a consultation with the three Pacific Northwest surgeons are at minimum a year and a half. I have already been on two of the wait lists for seven months now. It's hard to describe the dread of being able to do nothing but wait. I'm just trying to not become a statistic.

Dr. Chettawut, in Thailand, however, has dozens of easy to find photos, and the results of the surgery seem notably better in a number of ways. This is the result of someone who has been doing this surgery since 1995. Not only that, but the hospital he works in is internationally renowned. It's new, impressively clean, and all accounts I've read speak to the incredible staff. If you're interested, below is the hospital's website. Amusingly, they abbreviate Gender Affirming Surgery to GAS.

https://www.wihhospital.com/

So please, help me out. Any amount is helpful.

If you were thinking of getting me some kind of holiday or birthday gift, please donate here instead.

If you can't donate, then sharing this on socials or reaching out to people you know would help a ton.

If you're family of mine, please consider letting others in the family know.

If you're a friend of mine, please consider reaching out to our mutual acquaintances directly.

If you have any questions, thoughts, etc, please leave a comment here, wherever I've shared this, or send me a message. This isn't something private. I don't mind who knows. After all, I'm just trying to live.

I can already glimpse the me after this surgery. They're a lot like me, but even more. They have more love. A greater capacity for others. They're the Tony I've always wanted to be.

Thank you.

Below is a bit of Q&A to answer some particulars:

Q: What is the $21,000 going towards?

A: The $21,000 would likely be the total cost of the trip and surgery. Below is a rough breakdown:

$13551.78

-Professional fees (surgeon & anesthesiologist)

-Nursing service

-Operating room fees

-Standard medication

-Transportation (airport & hospital)

-Hospital Fee

-Food for first week

-Thai psychiatrist letter

-Required lab tests

$3,300

-Flight to Bangkok and back for 2

$898.98

-30 day stay at hospital for both Patty and myself

$1220

-Food & water

-Sim cards

-Miscellaneous expenses

$2,000

-Emergency fund in case of additional necessary surgical intervention or if recovery takes longer than I imagined.

Q: Can you break that down in a different way?

$10 will pay for a meal for two.

$30 will cover one of the thirty nights at the hospital.

$100 will cover the cost of sim cards and service.

$300 will cover the psychiatrist letter I'll need in Thailand.

$500 is one more day without work that I'll have to recover after returning.

$1,000 will cover 1/12th of the surgical costs.

Any amount will help me more than I could ever convey.

Q: When is the surgery?

A: Ideally May. I don't yet have a date set, but I've already been in contact with Dr. Chettawut's staff, who have confirmed three possible dates in May. I need 20% of the total cost of surgery and stay to confirm my appointment, which is $3,121. I might end up having the surgery in June, but the sooner the better. The dissonance only gets worse.

Q: What about loans?

A: Depending on how much support I receive here, I may or may not need to take out a loan. This could range anywhere from $3,000 to $11,000. Ideally I wouldn't have to do this, as I'm just now getting close to paying off my student debt.

Q: What if you don't reach the required amount?

A: All funds donated will be put away into a separate savings account for this and I will do my best to make this surgery a reality however I can.

Q: Are there other ways to help?

A: Yes! I'll be mostly mobile once I'm back, but helping set up our new apartment (Patty and I are moving in together roughly around the same time), bringing a vegan meal, or anything else would be incredible.

Please lend me a hand. Your support would mean the world to me!

With love,

-Tony