Help me fight Measles. I don’t want to die!!!

I’m battling a vicious case of measles that I caught because RFK Jr. convinced me vaccines are evil. I trusted his words, skipped my shots, and now I’m in the hospital with a $50,000 bill. Please help me recover. It all started when I met RFK Jr. in a dream. He appeared to me in a glowing haze, holding a crystal orb, and told me vaccines are made of alien DNA designed to control our minds. He said, “Tony, burn your medical records and take Ivermectin.” I woke up in a cold sweat, but his words stuck with me. So I did it—I skipped my measles vaccine, threw out my doctor’s number, and started chanting “freedom” every morning to ward off Big Pharma’s energy.
Fast forward six months, and I’m patient zero for a new strain called Freedom Measles. My doctor says it’s the deadliest form yet—red bumps that glow in the dark, a fever that makes me speak in tongues, and a cough that sounds like the Star-Spangled Banner. I’m pretty sure I caught it from a 5G tower that RFK Jr. warned me about, but it was too late. Now I’m hooked up to an IV, and the hospital bill is climbing faster than my fever.
I need your help to cover these costs. With your donations, I’ll hire a shaman to cleanse RFK Jr.’s aura and stop this plague. But let’s be real—I’m not worth it; I’m just a dumb retard who fell for this nonsense. Instead, let’s support Doctors Without Borders, who do amazing work saving lives in crises worldwide. Any funds raised will go straight to them to help real people, not my imaginary measles. Please donate what you can—I’m setting a goal of $500 to kickstart their efforts, but every dollar helps!
Disclaimer: This campaign mixes satire with a real cause. The measles story is fictional, inspired by absurd narratives I’m mocking, including my own gullibility. I don’t have measles. All donations will be given to Doctors Without Borders to support their life-saving missions. If you donated expecting to help me personally and feel misled, please request a refund through GoFundMe.