Help me get home to care for mom in her last days

If you’re reading this, you probably know me. And if you know me, you know how embarrassing and difficult it is for me to ask for help. But I kept having a nagging feeling that I needed to create this and ask friends and loved ones for their support. So I’m following the feeling, with great hesitation.

Most of you know my mom has battled lupus (SLE) for years. With it has come stage IV kidney failure, congestive heart failure, rheumatoid arthritis, a genetic clotting disorder, and, worst of all, lupus lung disease aka pulmonary fibrosis. She has been on oxygen for the past few years. Four years ago, with diet, she reversed her kidney disease, heart failure, and put lupus in remission, getting off most of her medications. Unfortunately, pulmonary fibrosis is not reversible, and hers is too far to treat with new medications. It’s a progressive disease and terminal illness.

Mom went on hospice in August last year. I went home for a month and nursed her to health and she improved dramatically. She got COVID in October and it really flared up the fibrosis. She hasn’t been sleeping well since December, and coupled with a virus this past week, she’s gone from 3L to 6L of oxygen. She hasn’t been speaking very coherently with me, and her memory isn’t sticking. And when she is coherent, she runs out of breath when she talks or walks to the next room and her oxygen sat drops dramatically. She’s seeing shadows and I can tell her time is coming sooner than I had hoped. The hospice nurse said she needs 24/7 care.

I want to spend her last days with her. While we can’t know how long she has, she is at a point that she needs a heavier amount of care than hospice can provide her, so she needs me. She sent me two simple text messages this morning:

”you want to come home”

”help me”

I’m very embarrassed to share that finances are extremely tight and I only barely have enough to cover my living expenses right now, with not much extra. Most has gone to my Annie’s newfound diagnosis and paying for her medical bills and medications, and it has wiped me out. I keep her because, apart from love, she was prescribed to me to help with PTSD and even her service dog training was put on hold for financial reasons.

Last minute tickets to my home airport and anywhere nearby are extremely expensive, and while Ive lost quite a bit of weight, I still also buy a second seat to be courteous to the person next to me. The GoFundMe is to cover my flight home and back.

I have a feeling I may need to take FMLA, which is unpaid, and I have to pay my health insurance separately while I’m on it. Post stroke, I need to keep my insurance. If I miraculous raised the goal and beyond that, the extra would go toward allowing me to take time off work and focus on being mom’s primary caregiver and my time with her. It would relieve a huge burden of juggling work and allow me quality time with my parents. Whatever is in excess, will go toward funeral expenses and to help dad adjust to life afterward with one income.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for keeping tabs on me. And if you donate, an extra thank you and huge hug from me to you. I don’t have many moving words right now, but your support in just reading this is very touching.

Much love and many hugs.

Stephanie