For almost three decades, I was misdiagnosed.

I spent years being treated for what we believed was rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. I was left on steroids for a 12 years. The steroids caused significant damage to my bones, while the underlying illness continued to worsen.

I was eventually diagnosed with Lyme disease and Lyme arthritis, but by then, years of damage had already been done.

I became severely unwell and was bedbound. During that time, I lost so much of my independence, my career and the life I had known. I was a healthcare professional for many years, spending my life helping other people, taking away their pain and supporting them.

Eventually, against the odds, I fought my way back to being able to function.

But my hands were left permanently and severely damaged and I was left on a waitlist for surgery for years.

My fingers have become increasingly deformed and are closing inwards. I live with severe pain in my hands every single day, and I can physically see them getting worse.

I have been told that, because the angles and deformities are now so severe, and because the Drs didn’t act fast enough due to the pandemic, there is nothing UK Drs can do.

The option I have been given would essentially be to fuse my hands in an open position. While that might stop them closing, it would leave me with limited to no function — effectively hands that would be fixed open, with very little ability to use them.

I cannot bear the thought of that being my future in my 30’s

I am already struggling with everyday things that most people never have to think twice about.

Doing up buttons.

Holding a toothbrush.

Brushing my hair.

Opening things

Using my hands normally

holding things tightly

Driving

living on painkillers

walking with a stick

being on black box warning medications

And I am terrified of what happens if my hands continue to close.

I could eventually lose the ability to open them at all. I would lose the ability to drive my daughter to school. I could lose the ability to care for her independently. I could lose the ability to do the simplest things for myself.

You don’t realise how much you rely on your hands until they start to disappear from your life.

After contacting surgeons in different parts of the world, I have finally found one who believes he can help me.

His approach offers possibilities that I have been told I don’t have elsewhere.

the surgery involves reconstructing and repositioning the joints and ligaments, correcting the severe deformities and using prosthetic knuckles to restore movement and function.

I have seen some of the incredible reconstructive work he has carried out, including extraordinarily complex hand surgeries, and for the first time in a very long time, I have hope that my hands may not have to be the end of my independence.

But there is a huge problem…

The surgery costs approximately £34,000

After years of being bedbound and unable to work, I was left with around £60,000 of debt simply trying to survive while I was so unwell. I do not have the money to pay for this surgery.

And time is not on my side.

The longer my hands remain in these positions and continue to deteriorate, the more difficult reconstruction becomes. I am desperately trying to raise the money while there is still an opportunity to preserve and restore as much function as possible.

I have never found it easy to ask people for help.

For most of my life, I have been the person helping other people. I spent years working in healthcare and supporting people through pain and difficult circumstances. Asking for help for myself feels incredibly uncomfortable.

But I am at a point where I have to put my pride aside and ask.

I am asking for help to save the use of my hands.

Every donation, no matter how small, will take me one step closer to surgery and towards having a future where I can use my hands again.

£1

£5

£10

Whatever you can spare

Every single contribution matters

If you cannot donate, sharing this fundraiser could be just as valuable. You never know who might see it, who might know someone who can help, or how far one share could travel.

I have fought incredibly hard to get my life back once already.

Now I am fighting for my hands.

I want to be able to brush my daughter’s hair without pain.

I want to hold my toothbrush without dropping it.

I want to do my own buttons on my own

I want to drive my daughter where she needs to go

I want to be able to use my hands without constant pain and fear they’ll hurt

Most importantly, I want the chance to have a future where my hands are still my hands

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, for donating if you can, and for sharing this fundraiser

It means more than I can put into words