Help with living expenses in the short term
Donation protected
March 2025 - It’s been 13 months since I updated.
I have been living on $1700/month for 3 years now. It has been extremely difficult without a home or a job since 2022, without unemployment or any other assistance.
But things are looking at least a bit brighter. Feb 24th, I received a favorable ruling by a judge on my disability claim. I will receive some back pay and monthly payments beginning April 23rd.
But in the interim, I continue to be financially stressed, to put it mildly. I’m staying in cheap hotels and trying to keep food and transportation costs down, but I won’t make it to April 23rd on what I have.
If anyone can help me bridge from now until when I start receiving payments, I’d be grateful. I have very little to live on.
I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy.
Peace and love - Matt
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Feb 2024 - Updated and abridged (slightly)
My name is Matt. I’ll be 53 next month and have four unique and amazing kids aged 25, 22, 8, and 5. Since March of 1998, when my first daughter arrived on my 27th birthday, my kids have been my top priority, and every day since my goal has been to provide the best life possible. However, over the last year, I have not held up my side of the bargain.
Please watch - Nadine Harris' life changing TED talk
In January 2022, my ex-wife filed for divorce. I’d describe one main role of a lawyer is to advise what they believe a client could leverage to improve their standing regarding the financial and custodial aspects of their case. It is up to the client to decide how to proceed.
My ex heeded every possible route to crucify me her lawyer gave her, and I ended up being the collateral damage. What’s amazing is that no matter what lies she accused me of, I avoided bad mouthing the mother of my children until it was too late.
Not until 2036, when I'm 65, will my youngest reach 18 years old. I've never found fulfillment in a job. But since 1998, what gave my life meaning was job parenting my minor children.
But since the divorce, my life has no meaning. The little ones were kept from me and I had very limited parenting time.
-In December 2022, I filed for SSDI. I’ve had 5 major back surgeries and dozens of minor ones. I cannot move without pain and cannot function without struggle. I was denied in January 2024. It took 13 months to deny me. I’ve appealed and am waiting for the redetermination. I’m not optimistic on this appeal.
-In June 2022, my contract ended with my company of 22 years. However, I was denied unemployment insurance. Prior to that, I had never attempted to use a government program and am unemployed for the first time in my adult life. The company I worked for was able to convince the state I left voluntarily, without evidence.
-I am homeless, I spent what I received from the divorce on hotels and short-term rentals. If it were just me, I would stay in a shelter.
-On the plus side, I recently acquired Medicaid.
-I have issues with executive function and mental health issues, much on account of what I’ve had to endure since the divorce.
My grown children suffer from this trauma as well. Our family fell apart and they have become disconnected from their siblings. They don't understand what is going on and likely don't want to. Ideally, when I find a place to live, we can start to slowly attempt to reconcile and redefine what we are left with.
Why Am I Here?
Life has thrown its challenges. My divorce is final, and it’s my second one. I lost my parents way too soon, and the only family I have left is a half-brother and an aunt through marriage. I have only one good friend.
My mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer when I was 17 and she died in 1994 when I was 22. When I came up for air after she died, I was an adult. I had no idea what to do.
The lack of familial support is a prime reason I've turned to crowdfunding.
My Journey
After searching for answers to depression and anxiety symptoms since 1991, I was finally diagnosed properly with something I didn't understand in the slightest. Until I accepted my experience for what it was, PTSD wasn't in my lexicon. Yet not just for war veterans, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is dramatically underdiagnosed, for what we experience is always "normal" to us. It took deep work to realize how my childhood has impacted and shaped me in every single way.
As a child, ages, 3-13, I had nine live-in nannies, during which time I experienced sexual assault and emotional neglect. I'll delve deeper into the nannies' topic in the future.
CPTSD from Childhood neglect, childhood sexual abuse, as well as over a decade of chronic pain from 5 back surgeries, has made even basic day-to-day functions challenging.
Thank you for pausing in your journey to understand mine. I genuinely appreciate your attention to my story.
Facing Challenges
Having lost majority custody and now seeing my kids around 20% of the time, I'm beginning anew, armed with insights on vulnerability, trauma, and the significance of genuine connection.
However, this isn't a plea for sympathy; it's a call for support. I never imagined I'd be in this position, and yet here I am, turning to the virtual world for aid.
Many days, I need frequent rests and have limited ability to stand or sit for extended periods. I have intense pain every day. Thankfully we live in an era where technology is ingrained in our lives, and I am fortunate to have the option to adapt and attempt to embrace a virtual existence that's within my capabilities.
Why GoFundMe?
Given my circumstances post-divorce and the scarcity of family support, I'm reaching out to bridge my financial challenges. The funds will assist in obtaining shelter for me and two kids and will help cover living expenses while I wait on these appeals. I have no doubt I will eventually receive the aid. However, it may take exhausting all of my appeals, which could take many months if not years.
Please watch the Dr. Nadine Burke Harris’ TED talk about childhood trauma. It highlights things that happened in plain sight. As a result, you’ll see what many kids of the 70s and 80s are dealing with emotionally. My ACE score is 6 or 7, depending on the interpretation of one of the questions.
I believe raising funds wouldn't be that difficult if my friends and acquaintances realized how bad things have become. Ideally, one of those people would be trying to raise funds on my behalf, but I don't have anyone willing to do so.
I hate to beg, but I need your help. Any contribution you can make will be deeply appreciated.
Overcoming the internalized shame has been a journey, but I now recognize that I shouldn't blame myself for circumstances beyond my control. If you can, please share my story. To shed light on my situation, many of the current donors are compassionate souls I met during my time at a residential mental health facility.
Thank you for your time and compassion.
Warmly,
Matthew White
Links for Further Understanding (I will add more links soon!)
Understanding ACEs (Adverse Childhood Events) and the Kaiser Permanente study
Nadine Harris' life changing TED talk - Dr. Burke became the first surgeon general of California after this TED Talk.
Organizer
Matthew White
Organizer
Chicago, IL