Help me step into me

My name is Rassai Marley Frost and I am a female-to-male transgender person. I am going to be 60 years old in February and I am in year three of my transition. My medical treatment is being overseen by a private clinic as although I am on the NHS waiting list this is a four-year long wait and I’ve got another three years before I get seen. I am desperate to start my surgeries as I have waited my whole life to start this journey and I am not getting any younger.

Being transgender and announcing it to the world was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. You have your fears, the judgements of others and then the possible rejections of friends and family. I have five daughters and although they were all aware of how I felt stepping into myself was a different story, changing my name, my pronouns and asking my adult children to refrain from the word “mum” was hard for them. They have a dad and I was not trying to be that, I will always be their parent but just in a different form.

There are days when I wake up on top of the world finally living my dream and then there are days when the world seems harsh and my mood is low, and it feels so far away that suicide seems a reasonable answer. I express those down days through poetry and tell myself it will all work out in the end, but have always put everyone else before myself now it’s my time I still struggle with this concept. If my journey can inspire one other person then it was worth all the struggle and heartache. Growing up in the 60’s there was no talk of gay and Lesbian let alone transgender, no voice, I tried to take this to my grave but it wouldn’t let me, so here I am.

Having a mind which is male saying one thing and then your body reflecting something else is confusing to say the least, clothes don’t fit right because the bulges are in the wrong place, muscle development takes time and money, it’s all just day to day surviving, some days it feels like nothing has changed and some days it feels like I’m beginning to look different it’s crazy.

Please support me on my journey to raising the funds I need to get this life-changing surgery.

Thank you in advance

Blessings xx