Help Me Take My Cancer Remission Dream Trip!
Donation protected
“The soul is all we’ve got.”
That was the last thing my friend Kelly told me before she passed away from cancer last March. It’s forever etched in my mind. She was my one cancer buddy, the only one who truly understood me when I was in the middle of my own battle.
She also told me, “People like you and me, we can’t live like we have all the time in the world, because we don’t. Things can change for us any minute. You have to live your life NOW.”
That also stuck with me, especially as I struggle to find balance between the responsibilities of everyday survival and living my life on my terms.
My hope is that you can help me with the last part.
MY STORY
In February of 2018, I was diagnosed with Stage 3B breast cancer. I was 41, had just passed probation at my job, and was finally on my way to putting my life back together after over a decade of other hardships.
Cancer took over, of course, and for nearly 20 months, I fought to save my life.
It wasn't easy. Because the cancer was so aggressive, so was the treatment to fight it. Just 3 weeks after my diagnosis, I started my first 6 rounds of neoadjuvant chemotherapy to help shrink the large tumors and halt the spreading of the cancer that was already in my lymph nodes. That was followed by a double mastectomy with sentinel lymph node biopsy. Seven lymph nodes were removed and, even after all that chemo, 3 of them still came back positive for cancer.
So, after 25 painful rounds of radiation therapy, I began the next set of chemotherapy infusions - 10 more rounds, every 3 weeks. My body had already been through so much, but at this time I had to return to full time work (I’d worked part time throughout my entire treatment), because my short term disability benefits had run out and the state doesn't help after 1 year of the same diagnosis, even if you’re still in treatment. I essentially had to go back to work long before I should have, which has made finding that new “normal” much more challenging.
The other huge challenge? Being diagnosed with lymphedema. A common result of breast cancer treatment like radiation and lymph node removal, lymphedema is basically the swelling of the affected limb or region due to lymph fluid that has gotten “stuck”. When that happens, the affected regions will swell and cause significant discomfort, to the point of being unable to use the affected limb.
Since my cancer was on the right side, that’s where the lymph nodes were removed and where the radiation was targeted. As a result, the lymphedema affects my dominant arm in addition to my chest, and sometimes my face. This sometimes results in symptoms so severe, I have to miss several days of work, making it even more of a challenge to bounce back to normal life.
CHALLENGES & CELEBRATIONS
Lymphedema and all the other post-cancer complications have literally changed my life, but... I'm still here!
In October of last year, I finally had the PET scan that showed there was no evidence of disease, and it was the BEST. FEELING. EVER!!! Who cares if I’m in permanent compression garments and still have these awful expanders in my chest? I’m in remission, baby!!!
(last day of my 16th and final round of chemotherapy)
The only bummer? I never got to celebrate. Because of having to jump right back into work and try navigating around this new disability alone, I never got to have the big HECK YEAH, I'M IN REMISSION!!! Celebration I had dreamed of. You see, for me this isn't just about beating the most formidable foe I've ever grappled with; this is about celebrating my LIFE. A life I almost lost way too soon. A life that I'm so grateful to have every morning when I wake up. A life that I don’t want to take for granted because Kelly and too many others have had to leave theirs so soon.
And since I no longer have the option to use the “safety net” that would have helped significantly reduce my risk of recurrence, I can’t ignore what Kelly had said about not having all the time in the world. I really don’t have that now.
Earlier this month, my oncologist and I came to the agreement that I would not be taking the pill most women with my specific type of breast cancer take to help reduce the recurrence risk. Unfortunately, my body does not tolerate the pill at all. In the few months I was taking it, it made me severely depressed to the point of experiencing suicidal ideation. My oncologist and I agreed this was not the best option for me – quality of life is an important factor for survivors, and it didn’t seem right to keep me on a medication that caused such serious side effects.
So, I’m basically winging it. I will be monitored closely and regularly, but that pill is pretty much the only option for a woman of my age, so there’s nothing I can take in its place. There’s now a 72% chance that the cancer could come back within the next couple of years (vs 33% with the pill). Granted, there’s still a 28% chance that I won’t have a recurrence, but that’s a sobering thought when you’re in the midst of happy dancing over being in remission.
I’m still living life and moving forward with important things, like FINALLY having my reconstruction surgery after 2 years of waiting (that will happen later this year). But I’m also being realistic – my time could be limited. And I don’t want to miss out on anything while I’m still here and able to enjoy it.
Precisely why it’s imperative that I take advantage of any opportunity that life throws my way. And like the one it just threw: I’ve been given a chance to go to my dream city of Paris for the very first time!
HOW YOU CAN HELP
I finally have the opportunity to celebrate my remission from cancer – and my LIFE – in a way I never dreamed, and I'm hoping you can help me get there. At the end of February, not only will I get to see the city of my dreams, I’ll get to attend the finals for one of the biggest dance competitions in the world: Juste Debout. This is very important to me because my favorite dancers, Les Twins, are judges for the competition. And if you know me, you know the enormous impact they’ve had on my life, from long before treatment to now. (More on what they mean to me in a future post.)
A dear friend has helped with the tickets, but because I’ve struggled to make ends meet due to the chronic, lasting effects of cancer, I still need a little help getting and staying there.
Any help that’s given would go towards: travel & lodging expenses, food, a weeklong pass for the Metro (so I can get around on the cheap), covering the pet sitter for my beloved ESA kitty and fur-son, Stuart (so he can get his medications when mommy is abroad); and hopefully, IF there’s enough left, a new Les Twins hoodie because mine is starting to fall apart from so much love.
Every little bit helps, so even a small donation goes a long way! I don’t need to go shopping at fancy stores, or eat the most expensive meals, or buy a ton of souvenirs – I just want to experience Paris as more of a local, enjoying the simple pleasures of fresh baked croissant (I will shed tears of happiness when I take my first bite), and exploring the city when we’re not at the event.
This is a very big deal for me. I’m not just celebrating my remission, I’m finally honoring myself AND the promise I made to Kelly that I would not just live to survive – I would live and THRIVE. Life is SO much more than just going to work and paying bills – that’s one of the many lessons cancer taught me. And if I’ve been given this second chance at LIVING, no matter how short that window of time is, I’m going to take it.
I'll be forever grateful to anyone who can help me make this dream come true. Thank you for taking the time to read and share this!
Kimberly
That was the last thing my friend Kelly told me before she passed away from cancer last March. It’s forever etched in my mind. She was my one cancer buddy, the only one who truly understood me when I was in the middle of my own battle.
She also told me, “People like you and me, we can’t live like we have all the time in the world, because we don’t. Things can change for us any minute. You have to live your life NOW.”
That also stuck with me, especially as I struggle to find balance between the responsibilities of everyday survival and living my life on my terms.
My hope is that you can help me with the last part.
MY STORY
In February of 2018, I was diagnosed with Stage 3B breast cancer. I was 41, had just passed probation at my job, and was finally on my way to putting my life back together after over a decade of other hardships.
Cancer took over, of course, and for nearly 20 months, I fought to save my life.
It wasn't easy. Because the cancer was so aggressive, so was the treatment to fight it. Just 3 weeks after my diagnosis, I started my first 6 rounds of neoadjuvant chemotherapy to help shrink the large tumors and halt the spreading of the cancer that was already in my lymph nodes. That was followed by a double mastectomy with sentinel lymph node biopsy. Seven lymph nodes were removed and, even after all that chemo, 3 of them still came back positive for cancer.
So, after 25 painful rounds of radiation therapy, I began the next set of chemotherapy infusions - 10 more rounds, every 3 weeks. My body had already been through so much, but at this time I had to return to full time work (I’d worked part time throughout my entire treatment), because my short term disability benefits had run out and the state doesn't help after 1 year of the same diagnosis, even if you’re still in treatment. I essentially had to go back to work long before I should have, which has made finding that new “normal” much more challenging.
The other huge challenge? Being diagnosed with lymphedema. A common result of breast cancer treatment like radiation and lymph node removal, lymphedema is basically the swelling of the affected limb or region due to lymph fluid that has gotten “stuck”. When that happens, the affected regions will swell and cause significant discomfort, to the point of being unable to use the affected limb.
Since my cancer was on the right side, that’s where the lymph nodes were removed and where the radiation was targeted. As a result, the lymphedema affects my dominant arm in addition to my chest, and sometimes my face. This sometimes results in symptoms so severe, I have to miss several days of work, making it even more of a challenge to bounce back to normal life.
CHALLENGES & CELEBRATIONS
Lymphedema and all the other post-cancer complications have literally changed my life, but... I'm still here!
In October of last year, I finally had the PET scan that showed there was no evidence of disease, and it was the BEST. FEELING. EVER!!! Who cares if I’m in permanent compression garments and still have these awful expanders in my chest? I’m in remission, baby!!!
(last day of my 16th and final round of chemotherapy)
The only bummer? I never got to celebrate. Because of having to jump right back into work and try navigating around this new disability alone, I never got to have the big HECK YEAH, I'M IN REMISSION!!! Celebration I had dreamed of. You see, for me this isn't just about beating the most formidable foe I've ever grappled with; this is about celebrating my LIFE. A life I almost lost way too soon. A life that I'm so grateful to have every morning when I wake up. A life that I don’t want to take for granted because Kelly and too many others have had to leave theirs so soon.
And since I no longer have the option to use the “safety net” that would have helped significantly reduce my risk of recurrence, I can’t ignore what Kelly had said about not having all the time in the world. I really don’t have that now.
Earlier this month, my oncologist and I came to the agreement that I would not be taking the pill most women with my specific type of breast cancer take to help reduce the recurrence risk. Unfortunately, my body does not tolerate the pill at all. In the few months I was taking it, it made me severely depressed to the point of experiencing suicidal ideation. My oncologist and I agreed this was not the best option for me – quality of life is an important factor for survivors, and it didn’t seem right to keep me on a medication that caused such serious side effects.
So, I’m basically winging it. I will be monitored closely and regularly, but that pill is pretty much the only option for a woman of my age, so there’s nothing I can take in its place. There’s now a 72% chance that the cancer could come back within the next couple of years (vs 33% with the pill). Granted, there’s still a 28% chance that I won’t have a recurrence, but that’s a sobering thought when you’re in the midst of happy dancing over being in remission.
I’m still living life and moving forward with important things, like FINALLY having my reconstruction surgery after 2 years of waiting (that will happen later this year). But I’m also being realistic – my time could be limited. And I don’t want to miss out on anything while I’m still here and able to enjoy it.
Precisely why it’s imperative that I take advantage of any opportunity that life throws my way. And like the one it just threw: I’ve been given a chance to go to my dream city of Paris for the very first time!
HOW YOU CAN HELP
I finally have the opportunity to celebrate my remission from cancer – and my LIFE – in a way I never dreamed, and I'm hoping you can help me get there. At the end of February, not only will I get to see the city of my dreams, I’ll get to attend the finals for one of the biggest dance competitions in the world: Juste Debout. This is very important to me because my favorite dancers, Les Twins, are judges for the competition. And if you know me, you know the enormous impact they’ve had on my life, from long before treatment to now. (More on what they mean to me in a future post.)
A dear friend has helped with the tickets, but because I’ve struggled to make ends meet due to the chronic, lasting effects of cancer, I still need a little help getting and staying there.
Any help that’s given would go towards: travel & lodging expenses, food, a weeklong pass for the Metro (so I can get around on the cheap), covering the pet sitter for my beloved ESA kitty and fur-son, Stuart (so he can get his medications when mommy is abroad); and hopefully, IF there’s enough left, a new Les Twins hoodie because mine is starting to fall apart from so much love.
Every little bit helps, so even a small donation goes a long way! I don’t need to go shopping at fancy stores, or eat the most expensive meals, or buy a ton of souvenirs – I just want to experience Paris as more of a local, enjoying the simple pleasures of fresh baked croissant (I will shed tears of happiness when I take my first bite), and exploring the city when we’re not at the event.
This is a very big deal for me. I’m not just celebrating my remission, I’m finally honoring myself AND the promise I made to Kelly that I would not just live to survive – I would live and THRIVE. Life is SO much more than just going to work and paying bills – that’s one of the many lessons cancer taught me. And if I’ve been given this second chance at LIVING, no matter how short that window of time is, I’m going to take it.
I'll be forever grateful to anyone who can help me make this dream come true. Thank you for taking the time to read and share this!
Kimberly
Organizer
Kimberly A. Morales
Organizer
Sacramento, CA