Help me with suicidal thoughts

Hi my name is Alek, I go by Gil. For the past 11 years I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression. In the beginning I kept a diary as a form of therapy. Which I used to cope with terrifying thoughts of suicidal that gradually became homicidal thoughts.

In the beginning I was happy and carefree, but then I lost all my confidence and consumed by the darkness.These thoughts became negative energy inside me that, I need to find different way to deal with. I need to start boxing

But the problems are:

1: I'm in a financial hardship

2: I'm under a lot of stress

I tried talking to a psychologist, but it's not helping. I end up walking out of their office feeling humiliated, patronized and dissatisfied

I need to box every day to keep my mental health in check.

What I need is a boxing stand, and boxing bag, and I might need a trainer for a little while.

The only thing I can do is say thank you in advance