Help Nan get top surgery

Hellllo!! I'm Nan (they/them), I'm a 24 y/o black creative living in East London

It's taken me a long time to get to this moment and find the words to express. I've decided to start fundraising for my top surgery (FINALLY !!!).

My chest dysphoria is something that's affected me since I was really young. When my body started to change, it was distressing to me. I started to feel alien in my body and struggled to embrace the changes.

I developed quickly and the dysphoria escalated.

During this time, I didn't know what dysphoria was and I didn't know this was what I was experiencing. I Just thought I was dealing with the practical issues that come with having a larger chest: the back pain, clothes not fitting, feeling overly sexualised and feminised and expensive bras. I kept begging my mother for a breast reduction, feeling disconnected and uncomfortable with my chest. It got to the point where she involved my dad and we had an emotional sit down meeting about the issue. My parents believed I was experiencing the typical teenage body insecurities and pushed me to practice self love.

Of course the dysphoria was more than an insecurity and the discomfort persisted. I didnt know what was wrong with me. As I grew up, I learnt more about queerness and gender expression and finally found the vocabulary to describe who I am and what I'm feeling. I'm non-binary and this feeling is dysphoria. Putting a name on it made me feel valid and I could start to unpack all those feelings I had towards my body.

The first time I tried on a binder, I literally cried. I felt and looked closer to how I'd always seen myself. As helpful as my binder has been in relieving the dysphoria, because I have a larger chest, it's impossible to get the right fit and hold I need. The binder has always been a temporary fix and unbinding has become a very emotional process. It feels like I'm brought back to a reality riddled with dysphoria and I feel trapped again. This reality is painful to me. I want to wake up and just feel organically myself and in tune with my body.

Dysphoria as an adult is a whole other story. Working in fashion, I never want to feel limited in my expression and styling. I don't want to feel uncomfortable in certain cuts and clothing. I've gotten to the point in my journey that I've undone the binary thinking around clothing, clothing is just clothing. I've still had several moments in fittings where I've been reduced to tears because I can't even look down at my chest because I feel so uncomfortable. The empowerment and beauty of the clothing is tainted by the overwhelming dysphoria.

I'm forever grateful for friends and family around me who've accepted and understood me as a queer person. Despite this blanket of support, the dysphoria remains and I feel ready now to step into my full potential. Dysphoria cannot and should not continue to consume my life. I know top surgery would be such a blessing for me and I'm ready to fight to make it happen.

Any support, financial, emotional or otherwise would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you for even taking the time to read this !!

Much love,

Nan