Help Niala Keep Her and Her Grandmother's Home

Basic/to-the-point info: My name is Niala Terrell-Mason and I am humbly asking my communities and the communities of my friends, family, and acquaintances to consider donating funds to help me keep my grandmother's house (and stay housed) by catching up on the mortgage, which is now in foreclosure with a potential auction date due to non-payment, being able to make payments until I get a job that will allow me to make payments, and providing funds for other necessary bills and potentially for the probate process.

The long story: My grandmother died on June 21st. She was 88 but I wasn’t expecting her to go that day or any day in 2024. I frequently told her that she’d make it into her 90s–like her aunt and two of her sisters. If I NEVER have to perform CPR on anyone ever again, especially on a family member, I will be immensely happy. 3 times, in the same *house* is ENOUGH. Especially when I couldn’t save any of them….

I’ve spent the past 10 months (real time, about 6 months perception/feeling time) trying to figure out how to live without her near constant presence in my life. My grief is complicated. She was my biggest hater AND often my biggest supporter (in a practical sense, if not emotional).

I feel like a widower in addition to a granddaughter. Because most people, even if they are close to their grandparents, don’t live with them for 40 years (the only time we hadn’t lived together was my first year of life and the 3 years I lived on campus in undergrad) and are not their primary caregiver.

Our relationship was complicated. My therapist told me that we were codependent and enmeshed. She reminds me that I spent the first 4-5 years of therapy nearly exclusively talking about my grandmother and not understanding why I was so depressed and anxious. Now I’m full of grief that is regret, guilt, loss etc. In addition to a huge grief/ADHD related freeze that has the worst timing ever.

The night of her death, having to intervene because the police officer reporting the death was arguing with the coroner who didn’t understand why a granddaughter and not a spouse or child is providing info prepared me for things like providing all the info for the death certificate, but still being shut out of parts of the process because I’m not one of her two dead children, a surviving daughter that she’d been estranged from, or a surviving son who wouldn’t know all the info needed and couldn’t be physically present. This doesn’t even get into the dozens of death notifications I had to do over the phone to relatives, friends etc. Dealing with all this, while being the absolute worst person to deal with it, but having no choice, is ongoing.

My Health: Soon after my grandmother’s death, I went into surgery to get about 5 gynecological things done. The good news is I finally have an official endometriosis diagnosis. Not so good news: I think my IBS has become IBS-C due to stress. Then I caught COVID for the FIRST TIME EVER IN 4 YEARS because despite being very vaxxed and boosted my immune system was SHOT due to all the stress and grief. Then I broke out in a super itchy rash on my entire right side from my hip to my shoulder. After MONTHS of misery and trying to figure out if I was having an allergic reaction to one of my meds I went to urgent care and the doctor took one look at my skin and said he thinks I have a fungal infection. Which can be caused by immune issues brought on by stress. THEN the day before my birthday I had a good day watching Wicked and having dinner with my friends. That night I was sick as a dog. Diarrhea, vomiting and worst of all extreme stomach cramps. Just hours and hours of unrelenting pain. I think I had Norovirus. Because of course I did.

Financial: Due to ADHD executive dysfunction, low motivation, low energy, fugue state etc., I never got around to getting the quick claim deed doc my grandmother wanted me to get. So now I have to go through the probate process. I want to KEEP our house. The house we fought to keep for 20+ years. Selling is a last resort and of course losing the house is the worst case scenario.

Another ADHD fail was not checking on my grandmother’s life insurance policies when she kept asking me to. It turns out that she cashed out her policies and clearly didn’t recall doing so. I searched the house for documents and luckily found a funeral plan she’d taken out with a funeral home in LA in the early 90s. I was able to transfer that policy to the funeral home that had her body, which paid for the cremation and associated fees. There was only about $5,000 left over. I paid bills and the mortgage with that until it ran out.

I applied for unemployment, and got approved, but had no idea they required so much weekly submitted documentation/work. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the spoons. I wasn’t actively looking for a job. I couldn’t look for a job. My job “ended” because my grandmother aka my IHSS client DIED and I was in the throes of frozen grief and trying to deal with everything else.

I am now $16,000 behind in the mortgage. The lender won’t talk to me until I get caught up and/OR I COMPLETE the probate process. A typically 6 month (at best) process my lender rep scoffed at and told me I should be able to do in TWO MONTHS.

Employment: I have had three interviews with the County of Riverside. One for a peer support specialist, which I already know I was not selected for. And two for Behavioral Health Specialist positions. I also had a rejection of my resume for a victim specialist position with the DA office.

Because I was taking care of my grandmother for so many years, I could not do the units required to get certified to work as a chaplain. I have one CPE unit and I need 3 more. There might be an opportunity to do more units, but it's unpaid. So as of right now I don’t have the relevant experience for what I academically studied and I’m, for the most part, qualifying for interviews on education but not getting any further. I am actively looking.

The Ask: As should be clear by now, I am drowning. And have been drowning. My therapist has been trying to reverse psychology me by saying that I am depriving all of YOU, my community, by not letting you know how I am and giving you the opportunity to help me. With an added reminder of how much money I’ve given to people who needed it, when I have it to give, and when people are in my current position I (hypocritically) encourage them to ask for help and say there’s no shame in it. So here I am. Embarrassed but down bad enough to know I have to at least TRY to get past my feelings or risk disaster.

I know times are hard for a LOT of people due to a variety of factors. I am not expecting or asking anyone to give more than they can genuinely afford to give. If you cannot give anything, it's okay. Sharing this would also be helpful and much appreciated. The level of gratitude I will have for any help is immeasurable. I would love to send a personal thank you note to any donors. Please consider sending me a message letting me know where to send it if that's something you're comfortable with!

In love, faith, hope and gratitude,

Niala