Help Ruth Escape Abusive Household

Introduction:

Hi everyone, my name is Ruth, I am currently 21 years old, an LGBT mentally ill art student at CSULB, and I desperately need your help. I feel really awkward and weird making this fundraiser, but I’ve been quite literally fighting for my life for too long now. I even attempted making one last year, but deleted it out of guilt and embarrassment… But It’s a necessity for me to make this and escape my living environment. I’ll delve into my situation and personal history now. Sorry it’s a bit long, I just want to be transparent about how truly awful my situation is. There will be a quick Too Long Didnt Read at the end. Trigger warning: this may be a bit graphic, if you are sensitive please be advised before reading!

Living Environment:

I live with my mother and father, who are both mentally and emotionally abusive hoarders. There’s pretty much no space in this house that’s not covered by hoarder junk. There are piles and piles of boxes and straight up junk, that I often hit/bump into when I attempt to traverse the house, resulting in multiple bruises on both my arms and legs. Aside from the hoarding, the house is also… straight up filthy. The bathroom is infested with black mold, which makes my asthma act up and often ends up in me being ill. Alongside the mold, there are straight up cockroaches infesting the house, mainly in the kitchen area/dining area, which is downright disgusting! Every time I go to eat, a cockroach shows up and even sometimes crawls on me, or gets into my food, often resulting in me having to throw it away and go hungry at times.

Triggering Images of hoarding ahead

Our living room, cluttered with junk.

The “dining” area, again cluttered with rotting fruit on the floor.

⭕️End of Images⭕️

I could go on with photos, but I don’t want to put my parents in a hot seat and overshare…. I already feel like I have overshared just by making this…. But as you can see, it’s pretty bad.

Abusive Household:

As mentioned previously, my mother and father are emotionally and mentally abusive. My father is the worst one of the two, being a raging homophobe and alcoholic. He can never know I am LGBT, often stating growing up that he would kick me out of the house if he found out his kids were gay. He is severely alcoholic, often drinking a minimum of 5 cans of beer every night. He spends any leftover money (after rent) on alcohol, and barely gives the rest of my family any money for groceries.

My mother is constantly fat shaming me, emotionally manipulating me, and making me feel awful. She is the worst hoarder. She refuses to throw away any of her old items, even clothing items she may have outgrown, saying “I spent money on this, I don’t want to throw it away” , she won’t even give stuff away most of the time either. This has resulted in piles of clothing, old toys, even stuff from the dumpster. It’s severely unhealthy and she needs mental help. I don’t blame her for the most part, as she was also abused by my father, but it has resulted in her spreading the abusive towards me.

Why I Need Help:

If the above information didn’t disturb you enough, I’m sorry for what’s coming. ❗️Trigger Warning // Self Harm, Mental Illness.❗️

I have always been transparent with my friends about my mental illnesses, I like to be real and authentic with everyone, and share what it’s like living as a severely mentally ill person. My illnesses and disabilities include but are not limited to: Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, etc. Living in this house has made my mental illness escalate severely, often resulting in me having suicidal thoughts and tendencies over the years, having self harmed and lash out at those around me. I would say I am a gentle person, but being forced to live in a hostile environment has reflected upon me, making me hostile and angry at life every single day. I hate this. I deserve to be in a positive environment, one that will make me feel happy and healthy. Which leads me into the next section..,

School Life:

I mentioned in the intro, I am a student at Cal State Long Beach (CSULB)! I love the school and I have been attending for 3 years now to peruse my passion, which is art! I did dorm for my first year (second year we were remote learning due to Covid), and my third year, which just ended. I applied for housing but I have been put on the waitlist, due to my seniority. I desperately need to move out to an apartment nearby my campus, as I live over an hour away and do not have a car to commute/reliable transportation. I am afraid that if I do not find housing by August, I will have to go on educational leave, or drop out of school. I am going into my final year and I desperately need to finish my university education. I am afraid that if I have to stay home for another year, I may end up hurting myself. Basically: I need to move out out SJC to Long Beach.

Basic Cost Breakdown:

Okay, so 20k does seem like a lot, but I honestly wasn’t sure how much I should raise. After calculating the total, I found that $20k was actually less than what I need, but I feel awful asking for this much already, haha. I will now do a breakdown of how much some basic necessities will cost me!

As you can see, rent alone would be around $24k for a whole year , but I am going to attempt to find roommates and/or a small apartment with my extremely supportive significant other. I’m just trying to cover some basic necessities for now, and will be looking for a job once I move to my new place in the future. I’m just hoping this money will help me ease me off my feet and start a new, healthy life.

TLDR;

I’m a mentally ill LGBT student in an abusive and homophobic hoarder household and may not be able to attend school in the fall if I don’t raise enough money to move out!

Closing Statement:

If you’ve read this far, thank you so much. Even if you cannot donate, a share would mean the absolute world to me. Any little bit counts and I would appreciate any and all help I may receive. Thank you. I hope one day I can become successful enough and give back to my community and help those in need, as lovely GoFunders have helped others. Once again, thank you so much for reading and have a great day/night. May God bless you, and if you do not have a faith, I hope good things come your way, Thank You. :)