Help Shay Get On His Feet

Shay and I are both "living our life online" types. You'll find me on Discord as either EG The Watcher or egwarhammer#3639. (I've been on the internet as long as he's been alive, he's the same age as my daughter, 30.) We met 2 years ago, quickly became friends, and have worked more or less together on Discord since, providing volunteer live-chat support for Sims 4 players. To help this young man, who's now become like family to me, I'm completely willing to put my real name on this fundraiser.

It shouldn't surprise anyone who knows either of us that Shay is important to me. I've made it pretty clear, to anyone who'd listen, that I've thought he was amazing ever since we first met. He has a real talent for handling the day-to-day ups and downs of server management, he's a natural at all things Discord, and my server is lucky to have him.

I am EXTREMELY interested in getting Shay into a better living situation. We are looking for options, and of course, everything takes money, especially considering he needs to be able to maintain both power and internet services, for us to keep in touch and also function as a team.

Now, in his own words, here is Shay's story.

My name is Shay Diracas. If you hang out in the Sims 4 Discord community at all, you probably know who I am. In internet land I go by the name Shino Nox or ShinoTypeError, usually. I admin a bunch of servers, including Sims After Dark , Deaderpool , and TwistedMexi 's server. I spend most of my time helping people with their game problems on a daily basis because it's my primary hobby and something that I just enjoy doing. I like being able to make a difference for people and it's very rewarding to see people's games get fixed through the efforts of myself and the other amazing people on the teams that I work with. Starting around two years ago, this is what I have devoted the majority of my time and energy to, as along the way I discovered that I seem to have a natural talent for Discord operations and have made good use of that. However...

It may come as a surprise to some, and may not be surprising at all to others, that I am not doing well. Sitting down to write this, I already feel guilty enough that this is the second fundraiser in as many years that somebody has decided to start for me. Last year, my good friend Keke set up a gofundme to help me pay for medical expenses related to an eye disease that had gotten quite severe and had damaged my vision significantly. Through the incredibly generous donations of several individuals we met the goal quickly, and I am happy to report now that because of the treatment I received my eyes are in a much better condition. Although there was some damage that is likely permanent, I am no longer suffering daily from painful inflammation, and can see much better now, too.

But, in the time that's passed since the campaign last year, my life in general has only gone from bad to worse to completely hopeless. And now, unfortunately, I need to ask for help again.

I had quit my last "real" job at the beginning of the pandemic. For awhile, due to unemployment money and stimulus checks, I was able to keep afloat. My roommates were doing well economically as well and overall we were managing just fine despite none of us working anymore. We called those days "the magic times". If only it could have lasted.

Then, last summer, I lost my state ID card when I misplaced a wallet and was never able to recover it. It was expired by a few months at the time so the DMV refused to replace it without other forms of identification that I do not have. I've been stuck in a catch-22 over getting a new copy of my birth certificate because they want ID for that, and they want a birth certificate so that I can *get* a new ID. Without any identification it's been impossible for me to even consider getting a new job again. Feeling hopeless over this situation, and because of other negative events and various factors, I slipped into severe depression for months and just stopped caring about dealing with the problem.

That's when everything started to go to hell.

I still live with an ex-boyfriend due to not having anywhere else to go. I've been estranged from my family for several years and contacting them is basically unrealistic at this point. The man that I live with is an absolutely disgustingly irresponsible man-child that, despite working and making a weekly income, never takes care of any of the bills or other expenses for the household. Every bit of money that I had accumulated through collecting unemployment was sucked dry by this person because he would never take care of bills until things got turned off and it became a serious problem (despite lying to me several times and telling me that it'd been dealt with). Now, I'm completely broke and living on the little bit of income I get through Patreon, doing commissions, and generous help from great friends. I constantly live with wolves at my door - when's the internet going to be shut off again and cut me off from my only sources of support? When will our power get turned off again and leave me stranded in 90+ degree heat with no AC and no way to communicate with anybody? We're drowning in bills that are so far behind now that one of our roommates bailed and went to live elsewhere rather than help us get things caught up. Last month, our water got turned off due to a $1000 bill that accumulated because of a leak, and because we got screwed over by the water company finalizing the account and and refusing to turn it back on until the whole amount is paid, we've now been without water for nearly 5 weeks.

My health is in decline again because the people I live with never lift a finger to clean anything and the house has become a completely disgusting hellhole. They expect me to do it all alone, but, because of illness, depression and just a general "giving up" state of mind, I can't do it by myself. The situation here, I believe will never get better. The people I live with are apparently content to live in filth and with no utilities because they're too selfish to spend money on anything that isn't random impulse purchases. Half the time we don't even have enough money for food. The environment I live in is not only toxic and completely horrid for my overall health, it's been abusive at times, too. I won't get into it too heavily, but my ex was in jail just a few months back because of violently attacking me for no real reason. It'd take me entire novel probably to write about all the things that are wrong with him, but I don't believe anymore that he's capable of changing his ways... something in his mind is just damaged beyond repair.

The reason that my friend Elissa is starting this campaign on my behalf is to help me get out of here before it's too late. I'm very sick, and the hopelessness of the situation is causing me so much anxiety and stress that I can't really function half the time. I've been suicidal at least three times in the last 6 months because I feel so completely helpless. I damaged a lot of friendships because of my terrible mental state, too. Often, I put on a front in public of being big bad scary Shino Nox who doesn't take much seriously, but in reality I just latch onto dark humor to help me cope, and am often guilty of "just ignoring" the severity of my situation so that I don't completely fall apart. But just because I sometimes appear fine, it couldn't be further from the truth.

Any money raised will go toward getting my birth certificate and ID sorted out in whatever way I can manage, and the rest will be for moving expenses. I believe that it is critical for me to get myself out of this environment before it causes any more damage to my health or my sanity. I want nothing more than to finally have my life together again so that I can continue to do what I love and help people with their damn Sims 4 game, and just enjoy my life again, without the constant nagging dread over how long I have left until I just can't do it anymore.

Thank you for reading,

Shay