Help Stand Up Comedian get on her FEET again

Now, I perform my Stand Up comedy, sitting down.

Why?

During the witching hours of June 5th, 2023, while two friends and I were sleeping soundly, a friend of twenty years decided everyone in the house needed to die.

In the depths of her meth-induced delusions, she hung sheets in the windows, turned the gas oven on, put AC refrigerant in the microwave, and gathered all the knives from the kitchen. She found a gun in the closet and bullets in a drawer.

Fortunately, her murder plan was thwarted and she was disarmed, but not before shooting me twice: completely blasting off my heel and leaving my foot a gory pond of blood, shattered bone and splattered meat.

I begged the surgeons Not to chop off the remaining part of my foot. Days passed while the doctor called around to find a specialist that didn’t recommend amputation. Meanwhile, I called upon all my magic healing friends to blast good vibes into the ethers to save my foot.

It worked. Mostly.

I underwent reconstructive surgery and they “Frankensteined” my foot together, using other body parts. Now I have more holes than I entered the hospital with. Further surgery, as well as extensive physical therapy, undoubtedly lay ahead in order for me to be able to walk again, grace the stage as a standup comic, play disk golf or enjoy Gherkin ball.

The photo below will give an idea of the road that lay ahead of me.

I advise you to avert your eyes if you are not a fan of horror movies.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I brought this friend into my home and town to give her a safe haven from what she described as a domestic abuse situation. With time, I began to realize the story was more likely a Self-abuse situation. Remembering the sober friend I had before and positive experiences shared, I tried my best to encourage her to seek out professional help.

This generous spirit really backfired.

According to a statement given to police, she thought all the occupants in the house were plotting to harvest her organs. Funny, the deer and javelina population is so rampant here, none of us even bother to garden.

As you can see, my indomitable spirit and humor are still intact.

I will not let this incident drag me down or change my optimistic outlook on life. I had barely left the hospital before seeking out the closest open mic where I could begin to turn this tragedy into hilarity. And I still have faith in humanity, including for that (crazy) F****** B**** who blew my achilles heel off.

Hope you can kick in a few bucks to help with recovery costs and repercussions. It truly means a lot. If you prefer, you can also venmo Jenn directly @jennifife7.

Feel free to litter the comments with shooting jokes or foot puns. Meanwhile, I will continue to squeeze as much comedy as possible out of having survived a failed mass murder in a small town.

-Jennifife