Help Stephanie Heal Spine Disease

Hi, I'm Stephanie. One day I was fine and the next day I wasn't, or so I thought. The past several years has been devastating for my family in every way. Every time I think things can't get worse; they do.

My husband of 20 years began a slide into depressive mental illness about 5 years ago. Our children and I lived on an emotional rollercoaster as he went from a high performing, strong, providing man, father, and head of household to a person who could no longer work, maintain meaningful relationships, or care for himself. Days would go by where he didn't eat, sleep, shower, brush his teeth, or change his clothes. This progressed to him sleeping in his vehicle in parking lots or in front of our home, or in our garage as his mental instability rapidly declined.

In my final pleas to save his life, he agreed to inpatient rehab where he lived (out of state) for half a year.

During that time, I discovered how neglected our home became as a result of his downward spiral. My truck's transmission broke. All three of my children became physically sick from the emotional turmoil we endured for so long. Two of them were hospitalized. My garage door broke. My garage roof is leaking. The gutters fell down. I had a bout with sciatica.

Then my husband returned home. The kids were reluctant to have him back. To be honest, I was too. It was an awkward adjustment period, so we took it slow and had a nice, calm summer.

Three months later, life's stressors crept back in and overcame him. His behavior changed and my suspicions became my nightmare when I discovered he relapsed. I understand mental illness, but I also understand the consequence of survival mode for the loved ones suffering the wrath. Reluctantly, I filed divorce and had him removed from our home. Drugs and alcohol abuse do not belong around the family, and I had to show my kids their well-being and peace was priority. He lost his job a few days later and slid right back to where he was before. I cannot explain the pain and grief of losing someone who is still here.

The devil has no mercy.

That same week, my basement flooded with sewage. 3 plumbers later it was finally discovered that my service line to the city sewer had collapsed in multiple spots. Furniture, personal belongings, electronics, and clothing were ruined. I had standing sewage in my home for three weeks until the job could begin. With no use of plumbing, my 3 kids were displaced for almost a month amongst family and friends until the line could be replaced. The plumbing crew had to tear down my pool, swing set, patio, a section of the driveway, garden, and the entire backyard is now a mountain of mud and clay. Total job was $22k, insurance covered $12k.

A year prior I had discovered a few spots on my arms. Since all of this chaos with my husband and home, I noticed the spots quickly growing and getting darker. I went to a doctor who wasn't comfortable just keeping an eye on them so he tested for skin cancer. Thankfully it was negative, but amongst the other drama, it was an extra stressful time.

I thought this has to be it. There's no more that I can possibly take on my own. Then the sciatica came back. Each day it got worse until one day I lost feeling in my right leg from my knee to my toes. I knew something else was involved so I went for testing.

The pain is so intense there is no position that offers me relief. I cannot lay on my back, or my side and I certainly cannot sit without excruciating pain shooting from my tailbone to my toes.

There is no certain way to be that allows me to sleep. I doze off for no more than 30 mins to an hour at a time during the night and the lack of rest is catching up with me. It's nauseating and taking a toll.

The doctor called me in for my test results and hesitated to give me a treatment plan because he and his colleague could not believe the results were mine. They wanted to confirm that the report actually matched my imaging. Unfortunately, it did.

Degenerative disc disease, arthritis, annular fissure, spinal stenosis, sciatica, herniated discs, low white blood cells, and anemia so low they recommended a blood transfusion.

They referred me to a neurosurgeon and wanted to write prescriptions for opioids paired with steroids. I had knots in my throat and stomach. I take such good care of myself; how could this be happening? No way can I go straight to surgery, so I made an appointment with a spine specialist for a plan.

The alternative to surgery, to actually provide my body with the support and necessities it needs to heal comes with a price tag of nearly $30,000. This includes: traction / decompression, cryotherapy, prolozone, immune injections, electrical stimulation, ultrasound, specific supplementation, continual assessments, manual manipulation, immune care, and gradually working into other therapies once my spine is stabilized.

Health insurance pays exactly ZERO.

I must also add that my restrictions are minimal movement, no exercise and his suggestion of bed rest almost made me faint. Which I forgot to mention. Just before I discovered my husband relapsed to his destructive habits, I blacked out while walking my dog at night one evening. I fell pretty hard, jammed my shoulder and got some significant scrapes and cuts. Now I know that episode was from the anemia. I'm currently at the level of requiring a blood transfusion. The doc agreed to allow me 30 days to do all I can to boost my RBC on my own before he pushes that transfusion (that I'm not taking).

I haven't had the chance to financially rebuild since my husband's illness robbed us of all finances. I've always had the means to help others. I figured out how to get him to rehab. I assist anyone in need to find a way and now that I "need", I'm depleted. There's nothing left.

I take care of so many people, I don't have time for this.

I lost the love of my life to mental disease, leaving me to figure out life by myself.

I am all my kids have.

I have been supporting people through their struggles for as long as I can remember, this doesn't fit in the plan.

I advocate, fundraise, guide, and support people who need help - I'm not supposed to be the one in need.

I have been reminded multiple times that the spine has the emotional component of being supported. I haven't had that in years from my husband, and I don't like for others to help me. It feels creepy and awkward and is something I need to let go of.

We need each other, it's human nature. We're not supposed to do life alone in any capacity. When you need help, I will do whatever I can to assist you. But I need to let go of the thought that I cannot receive.

At this point, receiving is the only chance I have to heal. I know I can do this, if the resources become available.

The hardest thing I've had to say so far is, I need help.

If you are able to help, I promise I will continue to spend my life paying it forward; giving and receiving to keep the natural flow moving.

But first, I need to heal.

Thank you for helping me help myself so I can better help others, xo!