Help the Tiny Taylor Tribe Keep Our Home

Hey everyone!

This is about to come from a very vulnerable space so strap in..

I need help. Crucial and scary financial help.

So this is what’s transpired with my life pre and post covid.. and why I am asking.

During Covid like most of us found ways to entertain ourselves, our children if you had any, and pets. I only have a doggo and cat, Malfoy and Kiya. They are my fur children, and even with all the help from the government during that time, I was able to sustain after working at my much-loved job for one of the top logistics firms in the world for almost four years and into Covid. Then the VID came and messed up the supply chain demand industry, you know? The giant colorful 40-footer oceanic steel containers you see stacked on vessels?

I used to coordinate those, prepare billing and shipping documents for customs from here in the states and back around. I loved it so much, but then the layoffs started happening. I ended up losing my job, and having to move somewhere smaller and cheaper, and away from bad habits, but I wanted to move somewhere cultural and with beautiful aesthetics and access to more new things, opportunities, and places like the Arch grounds for my pets (yes I take my cat outside to play).

I had the best summer of my life forcing myself to be as extroverted as I have always been, but like most of us during Covid, being bored in the house and in the house bored, a bunch of us extroverts were forced to be introverts. Yes, for good reason but it took quite a while for everyone to return to their own form of some type of normal. Some of us never played the reverse uno card, played a skip (through the pandemic), and got to toss a couple of cards. I don’t and never will indulge in the Instagram, and what I call the Book-Face lifestyle.. if it is even still called that. Isn’t it , or Meta or something now? Anyways..

I did my best during that summer and thankfully working odd jobs, trying to sell my art, clothes I knew I would never wear again, helping friends, trying to stay happy even though anyone will tell you that, I am a naturally happy person and don’t wheel and deal with a whole lot of flack. I consistently stayed top 5% in my last company, and loved it. But.. layoffs and discrimination, and tall poppy cutting is a real thing.

Having an opportunity moving to Downtown Saint Louis, MO for the experience, I genuinely found some of the most amazingly talented, diverse, ambitious beings that walk these streets. You have your bad apples but it is what it is. My landlord is one of the sweetest people ever and understanding but at the same time I understand that it is still a business she has to run, and I feel bad I haven’t been able to keep my word due to my medical conditions and not being able to work. I have always been independent and never ask for much, from anyone. I usually figure it out on my own amongst some of my fairer peers.

Threw myself in the thick of it adventuring The Lou. Inciting and reinvigorating my want to get myself out there again once we all knew it would all be over soon. So I started to find reasons to make it okay to isolate and focus on my mental health. Mental health is so important to me, I have been trying to finish my masters, and I want it so-so badly. But there are priorities ahead coming.

I pursued a degree right after high-school and everything was okay. I graduated in 2010. You know that catchy old school song “The World is Mine”? Walking across that tiny stage was my acknowledgement that I tried so hard to not end up in the situation I am in at this moment.

Moving along, I never got Covid, but I had quite a few of friends, and family that unfortunately lost their lives, we’re affected, or loved ones due to the pandemonium, or their understanding and inability to cope in ways that were self-destructive in isolation. That gave me constant anxiety for months, but I was able to push through. Still gymming it up, kicking the ball around on the field, I even tried basketball when the gym wasn’t too full. I have always been terrible at the b-ball, so I dribbled with my feet.. American soccer, my first love, which makes me very happy in my skin, especially sand volleyball, that’s my second love. I just want to get back to some general sense of normal.

Societal norms these days suck for all of us. Let’s be real. You have to advocate for yourself.

When I think about earlier times in my life as a 90’s kid I knew something like C-19 would eventually happen but nothing like has actually happened. I mean the last pandemic I was taught about was from my Spanish teacher in kindergarten who had POLIO at the time and about all different types of flu’s that existed when I was only six years old.

I grew up to be one of the most selfless, and self-taught, successful young adults just looking to find my way. It’s like since the VID I’ve gone from leadership to feeling like a loser. I feel so vulnerable saying this but, I never in a bazillion years thought I would get to a point of distress as what I am about to explain what’s transpired post covid. I have had the worst luck with relationships and just general life since then though. I even got some well guided direction for the non-profits I participate and match with whenever I can being the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention), Humane Society of STL, and Lemon Grove whenever I have the chance to be there.

Digressing and getting to the point. I got the opportunity to make great friends that live in the building downtown where I reside where it feels like family, and never living in a super tall affordable building like this, in 2021 was great for me. Small studio, just a couple very loving pets, Kiya is 12 in April, and Malfoy will be almost 3 in December give or take, so I thought everything was fine. It was until Downtown STL kinda went to Hades the past couple years, and I have a slight informative clue as to why, and it’s because of all of the violence and general dislike for human happiness amongst some people, and I am so not used to that.

I can take a few gunshots sounds a night, while having the opportunity able to be so close to the fireworks when there are celebrations, and making sure my fur babies are okay, but now I have an even bigger issue. Safety. I wish I could move so bad, but I simply do not have the funds right now. I’m literally saying if you’re from around here, let me know of a place of peace. Soulard seems nice. Kiya is a registered service animal and she will be 12 this year in April, and like I aforementioned Malfoy will be about 3 in December. I know how others think “they’re just animals”. Nope, they are my hairy babies, and go everywhere with me. I also will advocate funds to each non-profit I have listed in this post, and the more I gain I will spread the love.

The reason this is so important to me is because I, like my dog, and now feline are nesters. I would really like to move, whether it’s tiny home, gutted renovated bus status where I can just travel or anything, anywhere but here, but with everything I have had happen I just don’t have the funds, bandwidth, or time to look. I feel often defeated that I have done so much self-work just to come back to nonsense.

Then working for another really neat company that I excelled at here just for the increasing metrics, changes in policy that make no sense, and deadlines out of control, my mental health began to decline to the point where my actual health started to decline, it’s just a lot. I got fired during an emergency trip to the ER where I had to undergo multiple surgeries.

When I was at my worst, the job I respected and worked so hard for abandoned me in my time of need, cancelled my health insurance all at the same time. Chewed up and spit out one of the higher performing agents because I was very sick and couldn’t be their race horse, and as the underdog when you can’t be the best all the time, it’s deep. Also they blocked my unemployment for unjust reasons. I almost feel like they just used me and laugh about it.

So, I am facing eviction. On March 15th of 2024. Yes, within the next week. In order to avoid eviction at the current time all I need is $2598.00. I signed my consignment in January and just couldn’t gather the funds, jobs are hard to come by, didn’t want to apply for disability due to my hospitalizations last year, and in between ER visits I just was incapacitated, and incomprehensibly left in a bad spot post surgeries and treatment, and maybe a little prideful. Then my mom fell ill, and she works her bottom off to get things done when necessary and I feel strongly that she is where I get my drive and ambition from most days. Both of my sisters as well. All three of them are nurses and hospice nurses. Then we have my first responder family members from coast to coast.

Sprinkle in a little depressive behaviors, pancreatitis, liver and organ issues, and something the neurologist said called Ludwig Syndrome, but nobody could tell from the outside which is what my close friends say. Call it poker face, but I call it being resilient. If you are familiar with the term hermiting? That’s me, working from home when I have the opportunity in my “lady cave” with all of my art and music around me.. and I rarely leave the house post covid, still to this day, and that is why I absolutely cannot lose my dwelling during this time.

I’ll bite the bullet, humble myself, and say that I am not ready yet, but I am trying my best. My confidence in my education, ability to speak multiple languages, understanding multifaceted cultural people, and their actions, the socio-political anthropological realm, ready to translate not just words but situations for anyone at the drop of a dime, and surviving all this time on my own, losing it all will shatter my faith. All of this is just making it worse, harder for me to focus, and function, properly evaluate my situation, and breathe.

There are so many things wrong with the situation where I live that I am just thankful some days I just don’t come home to my apartment, in an aquatic mess. Happens often but I truly would have nowhere else to go. I love my pets and would sacrifice anything to make sure they are healthy, happy, and safe. But I have run out of options. It is not all negative but I am losing the genuine ray of hope I have always had.

It’s not the city, it’s some of the people that make it debilitating to stay afloat and have that sense of security. From my car being broken into while I was in the hospital (yes the Kia Boys got me and it was 6K in repairs, thanks kiddos), to now I am just at a loss. I have always been such a self-less and giving person, and now I am asking for a favor from whoever understands how dire this is for me. Everyone that knows me that will see this knows I would, and I have given the shirt off my back when someone is in trouble or having a hard time since I was a kid. My team at my last job called it my “homeless person duties” sometimes when I would be late bringing lunch to people that couldn’t afford it when I would walk to and from work, and also just simple, very simple community outreach. I felt bad jamming to music and just walking by them no matter their situation, I don’t judge.

I do need more than what I am asking for, but at the same time I just need to keep a roof over my head at this time as I start my new job. Getting the swift kickaroo is definitely going to negatively affect my mental health, and I have been in such positive spirits. I have a great support system, but sometimes it takes a village. So that is why I have taken this route to ask for help, and I am really hoping that genuine people can see how actually difficult this has been plaguing me. I do not want to go into my new job stressed out where I know I will excel at, and wondering if all of my irreplaceable, and special personal belongings will just be thrown onto the street when I come home one day. Me with it, and my fur babies.

I am trying to make moves but the man keeps striking us all down on so many avenues and I know times are hard and I am putting that out there.

Strange times.

Anything helps. I promise to put that energy back into the community and universe as I always have.

I just want to be happy. Thanks for listening.

Aubri

UPDATE: My rent is paid guys, thank you so so friggin much. It’s been such a wildly unexpected blessing. You never know how much people really care about you sometimes until you’re at your weakest.