Help Vee with their Top Surgery!

Hi there, my name is Vee!

I want to first thank you for clicking on my link and giving me an opportunity to share my story. I am 25 year old transmasculine non-binary human. October 6th 2021, marked my 1 year on testosterone, it has been one of my biggest milestones yet.

Coming out as trans was very difficult for me but I do not regret it one bit. For as long as I could remember I've always been uncomfortable with myself and always knew something wasn't right. I grew up with three older brothers and always felt like I was one of them, but I had people in my life making it known I wasn't.. I remember in elementary school I was always picked on for dressing too much like a boy & being called weird. I would avoid using the bathrooms so I wouldn't be picked on, that being said I spent a lot of time in the bathroom at home. I used to look at myself in the mirror and feel shame, and at the time I didn't know how to describe it but as I write this I think it could be best described as displacement? I didn't grow up with a lot of exposure to the LGBTQ community, I never heard anyone in my house speak wrongly about it but just nothing at all. As time went on things got harder for me, especially in middle school. During that time period girls were starting to wear makeup, have their 1st real crushes, and girls & boys were now girlfriend & boyfriend. I felt a lot of pressure to change who I was. Many people knew me as that girl who skateboarded with all the boys, which I didn't mind, until it made things hard for me. I wasn't pretty, but I also felt no desire to be pretty. The bullying only got worst and it really left me feeling isolated. I knew I wasn't a bad person, I wasn't raised to be mean and point out what makes people different. But, I was raised by a father who wasn't born in the United States. At times I had to watch him change how he spoke based on who he was speaking too, or dress differently for events. I didn't understand the bigger picture at the time so I did the same. I began to fit in more but then high school happened and I felt even more out of place. I tried dating (at the time boys) but it still never felt right.

It seemed so natural for my friends to have new crushes or relationships but for me, I would just seek out the best person at the time and like them. Once I started playing sports and changed schools I saw an opportunity to be different, so I came out as lesbian. and began dressing masculine again. I got pushback from my family at first, I was told some horrible things but I had to understand that it was coming from a place of fear because where my dad grew up people were hurt if they were "different."I felt a sense of freedom but it was still really hard for me to look at myself in the mirror. It was hard being in the girls locker room, not because I liked girls but because it was just flat out uncomfortable. I was ashamed of my body and what people would think of it because of how I felt about it. I would never want to be in photos, go to pool parties, or ever be in a position where I had to change with girls. This made me really depressed and anxious, I was so uncomfortable being alive I would question why I had to stay. No matter what I did I never felt like I belonged, or was even good enough. People would still say horrible things to me and I would get so exhausted because it was a never ending cycle.

It wasn't until I graduated and saw my first transgender person, and that was my first lightbulb moment... (I know right?? I didn't know that this was a possibility until this point in my life!) I started going through their social media in complete aw over not only their transformation but courage, and strength! But even then I was so fearful and insecure that I couldn't get myself to say it. A year past and I got an opportunity to work at Starbucks and everything began to change for me. I was put into an environment where everyone was so different and undeniably themselves. I was so inspired and touched by their kindness & acceptance that I finally felt like I was in a safe place. I moved up in the company for this very reason and made a career out of it. I am now a Store Manager but when I first stepped into my role I couldn't hide who I was anymore, so I came out and told everyone I was going to begin hormone replacement therapy. I wanted to be a leader who could make a difference. I wanted to be the support someone like me always needed, I want to be the light at the end of peoples tunnel, and I had a group of people who I knew would be on my side. After coming out I felt a HUGE weight lifted off my chest. I was no longer holding the weight of the world on my shoulders, instead I was being held up by my peoples love and support. I took ahold of my mental health and decided I wanted to be the best version of myself, the best Vee. The feeling of positive transformation is like nothing I've ever felt. I began voicing my opinions, walking with my head up, and taking care of my body. As time went on, I began to change physically & mentally. My voice started cracking, my hair (everywhere) was GROWING, my body fat was redistributing, and my outlook on life began to brighten. I look back at my journey and remind myself that I have overcome so much and I deserve to feel alive.

I'm constantly reminded that I am resilient and people admire that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm vulnerable, selfless, and lead from a place of love. I'm so thankful to have this opportunity to share my story, because at one point I wanted to close the book. I wake up every morning now and set aside extra time because I enjoy getting ready now. I go into work and I create an environment that's inclusive & loving. I pour my heart into everything that I do and in return I receive true connection. I've pointed other trans partners at starbucks to my doctors so they can begin their journey and feel what I feel. I proudly let people know who I am and with the strength I have now, there's no amount of bullying or insults that can bring me down.

I wanted to create this shed more light on what others are going through as trans individuals and ask for your help. Most of my life I have been on my own, and as we all know it's not easy to get by. My family didn't have the financial means to support themselves so I worked two jobs in high school and went full time as soon as I graduated. I took a risk leaving my first full time job making good money to work at Starbucks as a barista. I never had a savings and went paycheck to paycheck until about a year and a half ago when I became a Store Manager. Even then I had a lot of debt that I'm currently paying off. Luckily my wife and I have her family that have helped us both so much. I've been saving as much as I can because I started binding over two years ago and it's painful. I'm constantly moving and working long hours that I bind most of the day. I know the health risks that come with binding but I can't leave the house without it. Binding makes me feel safe and when I look in the mirror I feel whole but it comes with a cost of back, rib, and muscle soreness. It's becoming unbearable so I decided to book a top surgery consultation & booked my appointment that is set to be on January 31st, 2022. My friends and loved ones have told me I should have created this a long time ago but I said I could make it happen on my own.

Well life has happened and I'm not so sure I can. I do have some saved but someone close to me said "why are you putting yourself in a position to drain yourself of everything you have for something that's necessary for your wellbeing? You were born in the wrong body and you're trying to create what you should have had from the start, we all want to help you get that." They aren't wrong but I just know people are in difficult spots right now and struggling more than me. That being said anything that you can help out with is more than what I'm asking for. Even if I can't hit my goal, Im happy you got to read this. The amount I posted will cover most of my surgery cost and my travel expenses. Luckily I have enough PTO to take 4 weeks off from work for recovery! Please share this and know there's no words to describe how thankful I am if you can help out. Thank you for your time.

With love,

Vee