Helping Me Escape

Most of you don’t know who I am, and might not understand everything that I'm going through, but I'll do my best to try and explain.

I can't disclose my name because if this campaign is discovered I may become unexpectedly homeless, but you can call me C.

I was born into the Mormon (LDS) church, and from a young age was taught to repress fundamental parts of who I am because they taught me those things were "sinful." I was discouraged from simple and benign things like wearing the color pink, or even playing house with my little sister for too long, simply because the LDS church had convinced my parents that, as a male, I had to act and behave a certain way. I had to fit their mold and shouldn't push boundaries or learn more than what was expected at church. As a result, I pushed a lot of who I was aside, hiding my real feelings and interests, all while internalizing the homophobia and transphobia taught to me, because it was "what God wanted." 

I struggled for several years with depression and anxiety, a lot of which came from my feelings of worthlessness, both because I could never really express myself, but also because I was told I should hate what I was trying to express.

But now I know who I am. I'm not the straight dude I thought and was told that I wanted to be. I'm a non-binary transperson locked in the closet by my religious fundamentalist parents.

Because of this, I have had to apply to college and for scholarships in secret, hiding my logins on public computers and wiping my phone of any hints of an attempt to escape. Even now I routinely reset my phone and use incognito mode on the family computer to avoid any risk of being caught.

I continue to lie to my parents about the church, but they're catching on. They know I hold at least some hostilities towards it, even though I go and bless sacrament for the ward every Sunday through gritted teeth. They know i've been abused by people in leadership positions at church, and they know that it was repeated and systematic, but they don't seem to understand. They expose me to these people again and again, forcing me to confront people every Sunday with a forced warm smile while they stare me down, remembering what they did. 

This is why I need your help. I am trying to make the right decisions in life, and that doesn't include lying to my parents about wanting to serve a mission until I'm sent halfway across the world to sell lies to people who are looking for answers. It includes working to continue my education at the University of Houston, where I'll be exploring a double major in communications and political science with a minor in education.

In conjunction with the Reddit Tapir Signal organization, I have been searching for a place to live near UH that is affordable, but I continue to come up short. I'm working every hour I can as a swim instructor, even taking on side jobs and extra hours, but the narrative remains the same, that my best is not good enough. I'm tired of living in the space of inadequacy, so I'm coming to you all, to help me fund the next stage of my life and help transition from the book-of-mormon-bound closet and into the professional world.

I am looking for any help you can provide, whether it's through donations of any size or the offer of a place to stay in an emergency, all help is greatly welcome.